“Dune: Part Two” - Sand-witches.

It dawned on me that Dune: Part 2 is the first of two movies this year that will feature sandworms. I’m certain that Dune: Part 2 will be the better one, though that isn’t saying much considering the second one is Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. No, that isn’t a typo, that’s really the title. Apparently, whoever came up with that title isn’t aware that it takes saying Beetlejuice three times to summon Beetlejuice. Or…they’re TOO aware, and they know exactly what they’re doing. What was I saying? Oh yeah - sandworms.

The moment in Dune: Part Two when Paul Attreides (Timothee Chalamet) rides a sandworm for the first time made a light bulb go on in my head - that filmmakers should have leaned into immersive sound rather than 3-D visuals two decades ago. I don’t know if the particular theater I was in just had the sound turned up to Marty McFly levels or if the seats were somehow wired into the sound system, but it felt like I was riding the sandworm alongside Paul. It was awesome and all theaters should do this. And it was like that in other scenes, too. I could feel the chopping of the ornithopters blades and the rumbling of the spice harvesters. It was everything 3-D was aiming for without having to put an accessory on my face. I imagine the sound might cause some queasiness and headaches for some people (just like with 3-D), but at least the sandworm ride is worth puking for.

As for the rest of the movie, it was just awesome. When we last saw Paul at the end of Part One, he was...um, in the desert with Chani (Zendaya). That was honestly all I could remember when Part Two started and my mind was racing to try to recall more details. Luckily, Princess Irulan (Florence Pugh) journals. Reading as she writes, she helpfully recalls the events of Part One and in an organic way rather than the film lazily splashing title cards up during the opening. Director Denis Villeneuve was definitely paying attention during film class.

As we open Part Two, the Harkonnen’s now control the planet Arrakis and its unique resource, melange (spice). Glossu Harkonnen (Dave Bautista) governs the planet and is trying to stop the constant Fremen raids that interrupt spice production. Paul and his mother Jessica (Rebecca Ferguson) live among the desert Fremen people. Paul assists with raids and Jessica manipulates the Fremen into seeing Paul as a prophesied savior. Jessica is also pregnant with a girl that she literally talks with throughout the film. If you didn’t already think this movie was weird, wait until you see a bunch of shots of a fetus in-utero.

That is basically the movie. At a nearly three-hour runtime, that might sound a bit long and boring, but the excellent pacing and phenomenal cinematography make the film seem brisk. And don’t underestimate the intrigue of the story. Dune is Game of Thrones in space, with some Gladiator thrown in. Families jockeying for control where one family is seemingly benevolent while another is ruthless and cunning. On top of that, there is a religious sect quietly manipulating events; in Dune’s case, they are the Bene Gesserit (including Jessica), a group comprised entirely of women and talk in the ways of magic. You know...witches.

Speaking of witch...Jessica is my favorite character. Among an amazing cast of actors all nailing their performances, Ferguson tops them all. Through two films, Jessica has gone from devoted wife and meek member of the witch order to a kingmaker, a leader, and person whose eyes contain an intensity that would make a sandworm flee in terror. Part One kept her somewhat subdued, only hinting at her power, intelligence, and maybe even possible malice. Part Two has those things on full display, including a telepathic stare-down with the head Bene Gesserit reverend mother, Gaius (Charlotte Rampling), where Jessica taunts Gaius with her and Paul’s success.

The twist in the overarching story is that Jessica has been secretly training Paul in the ways of the Bene Gesserit (which we also saw in Part One). Paul’s additional abilities allow him to gain the trust of the Fremen, including tribal leader Stilgar (Javier Bardem), and aid in his abilities to do things that should kill him. All of this comes to a crescendo involving another Harkonnen son, Feyd-Rautha (Austin Butler).

The results of this training allow Chalamet to finally explore and portray the multi-faceted Paul. Like Jessica, Paul starts out as the good son to his father, doing everything a prince is supposed to do, only to later morph into a potential god-king. Chalamet exudes every bit of those facets in Paul, as well as inheriting and exhibiting his mother’s dagger-staring eyes. It’s chilling and awe-inspiring to see two actors so able to convey emotions with nothing more than facial expressions.

The only criticism I have of Part Two is that it’s such an amazing watch that I’m annoyed I have to wait for Part 3 (Messiah). While Part Two completes the adaptation of Frank Herbert’s original novel, the film (like the book) leaves subplots unresolved, tantalizing us with what’s to come. Just like the three-year wait for Part Two, it’ll be a long, hard wait. But it’ll be worth it to see, and maybe even feel, more death glares from Jessica.

Rating: Worth double the cost of the amazing Dune popcorn bucket you simply cannot pass up.

“Wonka” - Life is like a box of chocolates.

It’s the holidays and you know what that means...mystery chocolates. I suppose it’s also a time for family and gifts and arguments. But nothing gets the adrenaline going like examining the box of chocolates that mysteriously only materializes on holidays, hoping the picture on the inside of the lid is telling the truth about the insides of the chocolates, and scrutinizing every wrinkle of chocolate on that morsel two from the left that isn’t a perfect match to the picture. Best to just take a deep breath and hope that wrinkle isn’t bourn of coconut.

The box of chocolates this year is called Wonka. Based on the new film Wonka, the box promises a variety of flavors from chocolate to vanilla to magic to indentured servants to songs to cartoonish villains to more chocolate. The box also features a name and description for each type of chocolate found in the box. The box itself is gorgeously decorated. So, I took a deep breath and started trying them.

The first one is labelled “The Opening Number.” The box tells me it’s a song sung by Willy Wonka (Timothee Chalamet) upon arriving in a town that may or not be European, this chocolate is one of several that tastes like music in your mouth. It’s perfectly round with no identifying frills or markings and tastes like vanilla. The box appears to have five or six more chocolates that look just like it.

The next one says “Scrubbits.” A surprise for your palette, this piece is inspired by innkeepers that always have a room available for a downtrodden traveler. It features two faces on it, one named Mrs. Scrubbit (Olivia Colman) and the other named Bleacher (Tom Davis). The box wasn’t kidding about this one being a surprise. It tastes like ham, but well-seasoned ham.

The next three are all shaped like eggs and richly colored. The yellow one with the plaid print is called “Prodnose” (Matt Lucas). The grey one painted like a suit jacket is called “Fickelgruber” (Mathew Baynton). And the blue one with pin stripes is called “Slugworth” (Paterson Joseph). The description is the same for each: Whether eaten individually or as a group, these bad eggs will attack your palette. Fickelgruber and Prodnose both have a bland nougat center and taste like a 3 Musketeers bar that has seen at least three Halloweens. On the other hand, Slugworth is filled with a gooey cherry concoction that practically explodes when eaten. It’s a very loud, flamboyant flavor that isn’t trying to be subtle at all. I mostly like it, but it’s a bit over the top.

Another round one, this time named “Song Number 2.” No description. It tastes like the first round one and I have no urge to sing. Not even hum.

There are five chocolates arranged in a circle around a large, spectacular chocolate (called Willy Wonka). We’ll come back to that large one in a minute. The five are each shaped like their names - “Noodle” (Calah Lane), “Abacus” (Jim Carter), “Piper” (Natasha Rothwell), “Bell” (Rakhee Thakrar), and “Chucklesworth” (Rich Fulcher). These uniquely shaped chocolates pair well with Willy Wonka. Aside from their shapes, there is little else of note about them, especially flavor, except Noodle. There is a bit of texture to Noodle’s insides, but not enough to matter.

This next one is painted like a badge and called “Key-stone Kop.” This delectable police chief (Keenan-Michael Key) will tickle your taste buds. It tastes is kind of funny. Not haha funny, but I-see-what-you-are-going-for-there amusing.

A third round one. Or sixth. I’ve lost count, I don’t bother reading the names, and they all taste the same. I think. It’s hard to remember what any of them tasted like.

The next one is was teased on the outside of the box. Called “Lofty” (Hugh Grant), it is colored orange and green. Lofty tastes like how we imagine an Oompa Loompa smells...delightful! Upon splitting open the candy, it smells like orange sherbet, but in a pompously British kind of way. The box was right - it is delightful. Too bad there isn’t more in the box.

There are two chocolates left. I save that big one for last, and pick up the one that has a book on it and is called “The Story.” Like the 3-Course Dinner chewing gum that turned Violet into a blueberry, The Story offers you a variety of flavors that perfectly complement each other. Upon examination of the chocolate, a couple of small holes reveal themselves. One is leaking chocolate syrup and part of the shell is really thin. Also, there’s a bizarre shaped appendage hanging off one side for no reason. I try not to think about the flaws and quickly eat it so I can get to the real reason I opened the box.

Finally, “Willy Wonka.” It’s beautiful. I just want to stare in its eyes forever. Willy Wonka is inspired by the original recipe we created in 1971. We poured our hearts and souls into getting Willy Wonka just right. All five of your senses will savor Willy Wonka or your money back. Confirmed. Rarely is anything as good or better than the original, but this Willy Wonka comes close.

Rating: Ask for three dollars back. Some of it should be more memorable than it is.