“Wish” - A very Disney movie.

Once upon a time, a magical company called Disney was celebrating its one-hundredth anniversary. They created countless commemorative merchandise, erected gold statues of beloved characters throughout their theme parks, and debuted their latest thrill ride - Tron Lightcycle Power Run - in the Magic Kingdom. But to truly celebrate such a momentous milestone, they needed an animated movie that would resonate with people the way all of their classic films have.

“Our hundredth anniversary is coming up and we need a movie that is unmistakably Disney. Ideas?” said Studio Executive.

“How unmistakable? Like, a new full-length Mickey Mouse film?” answered Writer 1.

“Way too Disney,” remarked Studio Executive.

“A Steamboat Willy remake?” offered Writer 2.

“Too old,” replied Studio Executive.

“Frozen 3?” suggested Writer 2.

“Thanksgiving, 2025,” responded Studio Executive. “I wish we could move it up, but we already told all the investors that was our target date.”

“That’s it!” exclaimed Writer 1.

“What’s it?” asked Writer 2.

“WISH!” shouted Writer 1.

“You mean like our new cruise ship?” said Studio Executive.

“No, a movie about wishes,” said Writer 1.

“We already did Aladdin,” said Writer 2.

“No, no. A movie about wishing on a star,” answered Writer 1.

“You mean Pinocchio?” retorted Writer 2, wryly.

“I mean a movie where we turn the lyrics of the Disney theme song into a film,” stated Writer 1.

“I like it,” smiled Studio Executive. “Lean back into the idea that Disney makes wishes come true. Now that we have a premise, make sure you cram as many Disney easter eggs in there as you can. I believe in you all.”

Thus, the movie Wish was born and the writers got to straight to work creating a film that could never be mistaken for something other than Disney. First, they created the island Kingdom of Rosas, complete with a castle, surrounding town, subjects, and a forest. Then, they created King Magnifico (Chris Pine) and Queen Amaya (Angelique Cabral), the rulers of Rosas. Magnifico is a powerful sorcerer capable of granting wishes and Amaya is also there. Next, they created the princess heroine, Asha (Ariana DeBose), a seventeen-year-old living with her mother and grandfather. Asha works in the castle bakery and aspires to be the sorcerer’s apprentice. Wink, wink.

With the main characters identified, the writers focused on creating sidekicks. The easy ones were the rest of the bakery workers. They definitely had names that were definitely memorable. And faces too. In fact, one of them may or not be Bruno from Encanto. And what Disney classic is complete without an animal sidekick, preferably one that talks? The writers thought and thought and watched past Disney movies and thought some more. Eventually, they settled on a goat called Valentino (Alan Tudyk) who wears pajamas and has a very deep voice. Perfect (for merchandise purposes).

Finally, they came up with a story. At the age of eighteen, the people of Rosas give their most heartfelt wish to Magnifico for safekeeping, with the understanding that Magnifico may someday grant that wish. Upon doing so, they immediately forget what that wish is, thus becoming docile and dependent on Magnifico. During Asha’s apprentice interview, Magnifico reveals to her that most wishes will never be granted because they aren’t what’s best for Rosas and will never be returned to their owners. Asha is horrified and summarily dismissed by Magnifico. Later, Asha wishes on a star and the star anthropomorphizes into a cute little plush doll that flies around granting wishes. Again, perfect.

With all of the basic ingredients of the film done, the writers high-fived each other and filled in all of the details. They shoved in easter eggs from all of the films they had just finished watching. They called up Lin-Manuel Miranda to ask him to write some songs, but it went straight to voicemail. So they called Julia Michaels and Benjamin Rice to write the songs. “Please make them memorable songs,” the writers said. “We still have We Don’t Talk About Bruno eating our brains.”

With the final touches on the film and a happily ever after, the writers sighed, closed their laptops, poured themselves a drink, and toasted to another job well done. Just then, Studio Executive walked in, saw the drinks, and raised an eyebrow.

“Can I assume you finished the screenplay?” asked Studio Executive, pouring himself a drink.

“Sure did chief. It’s got a castle, a teenaged heroine with a dead father, an evil sorcerer, a talking goat, a bunch of new songs about wishing, and even a star that comes to life who has a little face and a big attitude. We call him Star,” answered Writer 1, clinking glasses again with Writer 2.

“And did you pay appropriate homage to Disney film history?” inquired Studio Executive, with an expectant smirk.

“No worries there, sir. We put so many references in that even some of the deep cuts have deep cuts,” smiled Writer 2.

“Excellent. I knew you could never be replaced by AI. You writers are worth every penny,” congratulated Studio Executive.

“Speaking of which...” the writers said.

And on September 27, 2023, the writer’s lived happily ever after.

Rating: Wish for two dollars back.