"The Death of Robin Hood" - What's the opposite of hitting a bullseye?

The more I think about The Death of Robin Hood, the more I realize it's not a good movie. Don't get me wrong; there are plenty of components that will at least make film nerds gush. The cinematography is good. The sound is good. The locations in Northern Ireland they used for filming are beautiful. The costume design is fantastic. And the performances from Hugh Jackman, Jodie Comer, Bill Skarsgard, and Murray Bartlett are great. As for the single most important reason a movie exists - the story - there will be no gushing.

The premise of the movie is simple...what if all the stories about Robin Hood were lies? What if Robin Hood was just a thief and murderer who just liked robbing and killing? The plot of the movie is to just show us the final days or weeks of Robin's life. It's right there in the title. And it's also a metaphorical title. With the revelation that all the heroic stories of Robin Hood and his merry men are lies (robbing the rich to give to the poor), we're getting the death of the legend of Robin Hood as well. Maybe there's an interesting story in there somewhere, but if writer/director Michael Sarnoski was aiming for it, he missed. Missed badly.

The biggest hurdle the movie has to clear is that the entire audience knows Robin Hood as a hero. It's a tall order to convince people that Robin is actually an evil brigand and make a compelling story about that version of Robin Hood. Which is probably why the movie didn't really try. Oh, it gives a token effort every now and then. But it becomes painfully clear midway through the film that not even Sarnoski has much interest in going down that road.

That token effort is most apparent in the first act of the film. When a young, freezing lady stumbles across Robin (Jackman) in the hills and tells him that Robin protects these hills, Robin responds by telling her he knows Robin and all of the stories are lies. Then, he kills her in defense when she tries to stab him in his sleep. Turns out Robin killed her family and she wanted revenge. The next morning as he is burying her body, the camera pans out to reveal a great many graves. Turns out quite a few people have attempted the same revenge and lost.

Sometime later, Little John (Skarsgard) shows up asking for Robin's help. Stay with me on this - John killed a man named Edward, assumed Edward's identity, has been living on Edward's farm with a wife and daughter, and the family of the real Edward has come back and taken his wife and daughter hostage. I think John's wife was actually Edward's wife, maybe the daughter as well? It's really murky, but John seems to be genuinely fond of them. Anyway, this leads to two brutal and grisly action scenes and Robin nearly being killed. The point of these scenes is to establish how many people want Robin and friends dead, but also to assure the audience that Robin (and John) isn't all bad. He's just trying to help his friend get his family back. Is that so wrong?

When Robin awakes, he finds himself in a priory on a remote island, his injuries being tended to by prioress Sister Brigid (Comer). This is where the movie and Robin get really introspective. The final two acts feature zero action scenes and a heaping pile of soul-searching. Robin makes some noise about being haunted by all the killings, though not to Brigid whom he's told his name is Randolph. A local leper (Bartlett) occasionally pops up to mildly taunt Robin with wise-sounding advice as Robin rehabilitates his injuries. Little Margaret (John's daughter) ends up on the island, further softening Robin's hardened demeanor. Brigid masturbates in a cave. Robin agrees to tend to the fruit trees on the island and hunt game to help feed the local residents. What's that - repeat that one before the fruit trees? Yeah, that happened. This is an A24 movie; of course there are weird scenes like that.

That cave scene is a good example of the myriad half-baked things the plot throws at the audience without ever going back to explain them. The unexplained part isn't the self-service part, it's why in a cave? We're told that Brigid is an almost magical healer, implying something supernatural. There's an object in the cave that could be an altar and that scene made me think we were going to find out Brigid is a witch. Then again, in another scene, we find out she's widowed and her children are dead, so maybe that object is her dead husband's grave? Or her childrens'? I told you - A24 movies are weird.

There are several unanswered questions like that, but none of them lead to the audience becoming invested in the plot or the premise. We're just waiting to for the film's title to be fulfilled. You know - the death of Robin Hood. In a much smarter movie, Robin's past and lies converge in a climax that includes his mythical bow and arrow skills. That the leper plays a much more important role in the plot than faceless dispenser of proverbs and adages. That maybe John's daughter is the ultimate dispenser of justice instead of being a cheap plot device to manipulate the audience's view of Robin. That Brigid is far more than just a healer. Instead, we get an ending that isn't just unsatisfying, but an ending that undermines its own premise. If only it had just stuck with weird, we might have cared about the death of Robin Hood. Both literally and metaphorically.

Rating: Ask for twelve dollars back after you finish gushing over the film nerd stuff.

"Toy Story 5" - I knew it!

Remember when you cried at the end of Toy Story 4 and thought it was a really good way to end the franchise? You were right - it was a really good way to end the franchise. The problem is the movie grossed over $1 billion dollars at the box office and no way was Disney going to pass up another potential billion-dollar Toy Story sequel. They've got kids to feed.

What you didn't realize while you were drying your eyes was that it was really only the end of Woody's (Tom Hanks) story. Not that they can't go right back to that well; there are plenty of lost toys for Woody and Bo Peep to help find owners for over the course of a future full-length animated feature. And Woody does play a supporting role in Toy Story 5. Let's not get ridiculous thinking they put him on the Toy Story 5 movie poster for no reason. But rest assured, Woody is not the main character in Toy Story 5.

Jessie (Joan Cusack) is the main character, now the leader of the toys owned by eight-year-old Bonnie. And everything is going well. The toys are being played with, Bonnie is being creative, and Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen) is trying to work up the courage to propose to Jessie. I know - I forgot that last one was a thing, too, even though it goes all the way back to Toy Story 2. I blame the Lightyear movie for erasing that plotline from my brain.

Jessie's chief concern is finding a way for Bonnie to make friends. Bonnie is really shy and "plays different" than other kids. Bonnie's parents recognize Bonnie's struggles and decide the answer is to get her a Lilypad (tablet computer) so she can more easily connect with other kids. Jessie becomes alarmed when some discarded toys in a backyard tell her that screens will be the end of Jessie's play time. That night, Jessie notices a screen glowing in the bedroom window of every house she can see and resolves to prevent Lily the Lilypad (Greta Lee) from taking over the room.

At this point, the story follows a similar path as Inside Out 2. A girl is trying to fit in with others by doing things that aren't necessarily healthy, but definitely familiar to every one of us who still remembers childhood. It also provides all parents with a bit of affirmation by showing typical behavior from kids when on their screens/devices. Kids staying up all hours of the night, can't leave a room without the device, have to answer text messages immediately, nodding that they heard you when you asked them a question. I looked directly into my son's eyes during this sequence and he looked right back, but with mischief in his eyes. Oh, he heard me alright. He heard me every...single...time.

In addition to the perceived evils of screentime, the movie also tackles a fear that we all can relate to - a fear of being useless or forgotten. This existential crisis drives Jessie to do risky things and causes her to get lost and end up at another girl's (Blaze) house. There, Jessie meets some discarded toys that she looks down upon because those toys are in fact devices. Just like Lilypad. Dun-dun-dun.

As a parent and former child, I can relate to all this and that is the power of the Toy Story franchise. In a word, nostalgia. In fact, that's what Taylor Swift wrote about in the film's featured song "I Knew It, I Knew You" (it plays when the end credits roll). It's not just about looking back and being afraid of being forgotten. It's about looking back and realizing you mattered to someone and they mattered to you. And boy does this song threaten to make you cry if the movie doesn't do it first.

Suffice it to say the storytelling is, once again, top notch, and that's not all. As with the entire franchise, the film delivers a ton of laughs, some fun action scenes, and sprinkles in toys we all remember or currently trip on in the backyard. There's also a new feature in the film that adds a fun dimension to the storytelling. When Bonnie or Blaze is playing with their toys, the animation style changes to the kind favored by the Spider-verse films. It looks like it's still sketchy, but also manages to be have some real depth and color to it. It's a great compliment to the typical animation that Pixar is known for. And all of which adds up to a movie that will definitely keep Disney's kids fed.

Rating: Don't ask for any money back, but maybe a tissue or three.

"Disclosure Day" - I want to believe.

The idea has been around for decades that the government has been hiding proof of the existence of aliens. Specifically, that aliens have visited Earth. Just recently, the Pentagon released a bunch of declassified files about UAP (Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon) investigations that proved exactly as much as every other information release regarding UAP (renamed from UFO some years ago). In a word - nothing. Personally, I do not believe that aliens have ever visited Earth. Definitely not since human beings invented civilization. I'm definitely open to the possibility, on the condition that any evidence presented is clear and irrefutable. But the biggest reason I don't think aliens have been here is because it requires me believing that they crash their spacecraft. Crash them a lot.

Disclosure Day is what all the alien conspiracy theorists dream of. It's the day we find out that aliens have been zipping around the skies of Earth for years. It's the day we find out the government knew about the aliens, even captured some of the aliens. It's the day we see the "real" video of UFO/UAP encounters; clear and detailed images of extraterrestrial craft and biologics rather than grainy videos of glowing orbs or flocks of seagulls. It's the day we confirm that despite wildly advanced technology allowing aliens to travel vast distances and defy the laws of physics, they crash more often than a drunk, fully self-driving Tesla.

Daniel Kellner (Josh O'Connor) is a cybersecurity specialist working for the Wardex corporation. Daniel has stolen copies of all of their files related to the existence of aliens, as well as a piece of alien technology. Noah Scanlon (Colin Firth) is the head of Wardex and wants his stuff back. Daniel is working in league with another Wardex employee named Hugo Wakefield (Colman Domingo) to release all of the information to the public. After a botched attempt to trade Daniel his girlfriend Jane (Eve Hewson) for the alien stuff, Daniel and Jane go on the run from Noah while Hugo finishes setting something up in preparation for the information release. It's a story and plot we've seen in countless other films, but director Steven Spielberg (also wrote the story) and writer David Koepp aren't content with just that.

Margaret Fairchild (Emily Blunt) is a meteorologist in Kansas City who wants more out of life than TV weather girl. When a cardinal flies into her apartment and looks at her, she gets what she asked for. She starts reading minds and speaking different languages, including an alien language while on air doing the local forecast. When that video goes viral, Noah and friends see it and immediately set out to capture Margaret. So too does Hugo, once he's clued into the video. Once all of these people are in motion, we find ourselves engrossed in a classic Spielberg film.

You know what I’m talking about. Clear goals and motivations for the characters. Steady pacing to build drama all the way to the climax. A well-defined plot that’s easy to follow. Actors delivering good performances, if not great performances. On that note, shout out to Hewson for some excellent work in the second act of the film. She’s asked to shapeshift (I won’t say how) and she does a remarkably good job going back and forth.

And of course, the special effects and musical score are top shelf. Close your eyes for a second and you immediately recognize music that can only come from John Williams. Then, open your eyes and soak in the beautiful visuals and long takes, including a four-minute take where Blunt vocalizes the alien language...with no SFX or AI assistance. Things like this are why we always show up for Spielberg films.

A friend that came with me was really interested in seeing the film. What I didn’t know prior to inviting him was that he hadn’t been to a movie theater in over a decade. When we sat down, he was surprised to find reclining chairs and plenty of legroom. The look on his face was one of joy. When the credits rolled, I asked him if this movie was worth returning to theaters for and that look was still there as he emphatically said it was well worth it. I may not believe aliens have visited Earth, but I believe in the power of Spielberg.

Rating: Worth every penny, conspiracy theory or not.