“Twisters” - You put a S at the end.

There seems to be a misconception about the kind of movie that Twisters is. On the surface, it looks and sounds like a sequel to 1996’s Twister. The previews show tornados and people chasing said tornados, just like in Twister. The two main characters are a man and a woman, just like in Twisters. The title is just the first movie with an extra S. But none of that makes Twisters a sequel. It’s not even a standalone sequel - set in the same universe, but with little or no narrative connection - because you don’t get to claim “same universe” solely based on setting Twisters in Oklahoma.

(SPOILERS ahead, but only if you never saw Twister.)

It’s pretty obvious Twisters is actually a remake of Twister, unfolding almost identically. Like all remakes that aren’t shot-for-shot, some components have been tweaked or slightly rearranged. The film opens like the original did - in the past - with our main character Kate (Daisy Edgar-Jones), a young idealist intent on conquering the mystery of tornados. Like Bill from the original movie, Kate has a magical ability to know where tornados will show up and what they will do. She and her friends hope to make a scientific breakthrough and attempt to dissipate a tornado with an experimental chemical solution (which fails).  But it ends in tragedy at the hand of a massive tornado.

Flash forward just five years later to present day. Instead of the tragedy driving her to fix her experiment and press on, we learn that Kate took a desk job with NOAA in New York City. Inspiring, no? An old friend Javi (Anthony Ramos) stops by to ask Kate to help him chase tornados in order to...mumble, radar, mumble, something-or-other, help people, insurance(?), mumble. Kate initially declines, but then changes her mind after Javi texts her a bunch of stories of towns devastated by tornados. Inspiring, no?

Cut to Oklahoma, where storm chasers are gathering at a rest stop (just like the first movie) and admiring the storm systems building in the distance. They order drinks (just like in the first movie). Javi introduces Kate to his team, a bunch of people in matching outfits and vehicles. Wait a minute.  In the first movie, the group with matching outfits and shiny vehicles was the bad-guy team. See what they did there? Kate’s on the bad-guy team, but *whispering* doesn’t know it yet.

Then, riding in on a tornado-proofed truck comes Tyler (Glen Powell). Tyler is a YouTuber and self-proclaimed Tornado Wrangler who records himself doing dangerous stunts while storm chasing. Tyler is going to mug and wink, then flirt with Kate until it’s time to chase a storm. Tyler is accompanied by a motley crew of people in varied outfits and vehicles (just like in the first movie), including a junky truck/RV. See what they did there? Tyler’s on the good-guy team, but *whispering* doesn’t know it yet.

By this point in the movie, it’s painfully obvious that Twisters is going to follow the same path as Twister. But just to make sure even the people in the back get the message, here is how the rest of the film goes. Single twister. Then sister twisters, where Tyler decides not to follow Kate and Kate gets it right. Night twister, where Tyler and Kate rush a bunch of people from their motel into a concrete pit to escape. Giant twister finale where kink is worked out of the science thing from the beginning of the movie. Everyone got it now? No?

Senior family member (Maura Tierney) owns cows and serves steak (just like Aunt Meg in the first movie). A well-dressed ride-along person (a reporter, in this case) in way over his head (like Dr. Melissa Reeves in the first movie). Kate is a stuffy meteorologist who used to chase storms, has a magical tornado spidey-sense, and reluctantly agrees to chase again (just like Bill from the first movie). Edgar-Jones spends one day in a white tanktop with the top of her jumper tied around her waist (just like Jo from #1). A theater showing an old horror flick is torn up by a tornado just as a character is uttering a famous line (The Shining in the first one, Frankenstein in this one). Rescuing a dog from a house destroyed by a tornado (just like the first movie). Everyone got it now? Good.

The problems with the film start with too many subplots and no clear main plot. Where the first movie was all about getting the sensors into a tornado in order to develop a better early warning system, the second movie was about 3D imaging of a tornado to...do science stuff? Until it was about taking advantage of uninsured people who just lost everything. Until it was about finishing Kate’s college project to dissipate a tornado. Sprinkle in some side-eye commentary about YouTube jackasses, and give us a lazy, predictable romance and you have yourself a summer blockbuster. Except...

...they forgot the part about where good summer blockbusters also have charm. Just because you cast Powell who practically gushes charm, doesn’t mean that charm sticks to the movie. I’m looking at you, supporting cast that was given nothing to do and no character development, whatsoever. It’s not their fault that they aren’t Philip Seymour Hoffman, Alan Ruck, or Cary Elwes. But the gang behind Tyler is very forgettable. They don’t get a great breakfast scene with the palpable camaraderie of old friends. They don’t get fantastic dialogue (“that’s the suck zone”) or memorable character traits that make them humans (singing the theme from Oklahoma on an adrenaline-stoked storm chase). They are just drone girl and guy who likes rockets and I think there were a couple others there too, maybe?

Perhaps as big a problem is that the tornados are rarely presented as dangerous. Tyler literally drives into multiple tornados, shooting off fireworks into one of them. Many times, characters stand what looks like a few yards away, just looking at the tornados. Then, juxtapose this with showing us the devastation caused by a tornado (and Tyler and crew helping the victims) and the viewer gets mental whiplash. Are these things dangerous or a clown show? If we aren’t getting charm, at least give us a sense of danger and drama.

To be fair, the film does have one emotional moment - when Kate breaks down in front of Tyler when he discovers her college project in her mom’s barn. As with the rest of the film, this is just rehashing Helen Hunt when she breaks down after the “jumper” tornado, but without the true emotional weight and timing of Hunt’s scene. While Edgar-Jones sells it well, it feels like it’s there to check a box rather than be an organic moment of humanity.

Just like with Twister, the real draw of the film is the visuals and the inarguable awesomeness of these storms. That’s why we’re seeing this movie in the first place. As an action vehicle, Twisters accomplishes its goal. We get plenty of gorgeously rendered tornados. We get tornado chasing. We get loud noises and people running from tornados and explosions and fire-nados and fireworks-nados and two gorgeous lead actors in tight white shirts. Not good enough? Let’s dump water on them. There we go.

Rating: Ask for half your money back, but they can keep the S.