Wednesday, January 6, 2010

“Strange Wilderness” – Oohl Hoohl Hoohl Hoohl

I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I actually liked “Strange Wilderness.” It’s arguably one of the dumbest movies of the year (or ever), but I couldn’t stop laughing at it. I have no excuses; I wasn’t even drinking while I watched this one. So rather than give you a traditional movie review, let’s do another Q and A…

Q: Did you seriously watch this movie?

A: Seriously. …Actually, no, with much hilarity!

Q: Why?

A: You may remember the previews for this movie including a shot of a shark swimming towards the camera with a goofy laugh as the audio. I laugh harder every time I see that scene, so I had to give this movie a chance.

Q: Even though it’s a Happy Madison production?

A: I know. I was worried too.

Q: I still can’t believe you watch…

A: Stop stalling. I know you’re dying to know more about this movie.

Q: Fine. What was this movie about?

A: Steve Zahn inherits a nature show from his dead father called “Strange Wilderness.” The show immediately goes downhill, as Zahn and his staff of morons know nothing about nature.

Q: I’m guessing that the show is going to be cancelled, so they come up with a plan to save it.

A: Bingo. Their rivals, a group of nature television producers run by Harry Hamlin, try to beat them to the big story so they will get their funding.

Q: So what’s the big story?

A: A buddy of Zahn’s has a map to Bigfoot’s home, which he gives to Zahn and Hamlin.

Q: If he’s a friend a Zahn, why does he give it to Hamlin?

A: He sells it to pay for his drug addiction.

Q: Wait a minute…back up. Did you say bigfoot?

A: Like you said, this is a Happy Madison film.

Q: Do the morons have a plan?
A: The plan is to drive down to the jungle in the “Strange Wilderness” RV and shoot more nature segments on the way. At some point, they are supposed to meet up with another of Zahn’s buddies, who will take them to a jungle tracker.

Q: Are any of the nature segments even worth watching?

A: They’re all worth watching; they are the funny part of the movie.

Q: I don’t believe you.

A: Basically, they show old nature footage and Zahn does a narration over the video. In one segment, he is describing two lions mating. In another, he describes how one of his morons is being attacked by sharks. In a third, he describes the battle between bears and fish.

Q: Okay. I might give you those. Zahn is pretty funny, but is there anything funny besides the nature clips?

A: At one point during the trip, Zahn is peeing in the woods when a giant turkey latches on to his penis.

Q: What are you, twelve years old?

A: I was during this film.

Q: Do they ever find Bigfoot or does Hamlin find it first?

A: They actually find Hamlin and his crew all dead in the jungle. Well, all except Hamlin, who is still alive even though he’s been cut in half by a group of jungle natives we never see.

Q: (Shaking his head).

A: Anyway, they finally get to Bigfoot’s cave, where they set up cameras and begin filming…

Q: So they get the footage and save the show. Are we done yet? I think my brain is hemorrhaging.

A: That’s not how it happens. Bigfoot comes out of the cave and they all shoot him.

Q: I am definitely bleeding from the ears now.

A: Do you want a tissue?

Q: I’d rather die. So how do they save the show?

A: Their last ditch effort to save the show is to pretend that Bigfoot hung himself. Their boss thinks they are all idiots, but the show won’t be cancelled because Hamlin and his crew all died.

Q: That’s insane. Well, do they ever actually show the laughing shark footage?

A: Yes, at the end, coupled with the footage of their buddy being attacked by sharks.
Q: Gggugghhg……

A: Happy Madison folks!

Rating: You should probably ask for all of your money back, but I’ll always have that shark.

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