“Dune: Part Two” - Sand-witches.

It dawned on me that Dune: Part 2 is the first of two movies this year that will feature sandworms. I’m certain that Dune: Part 2 will be the better one, though that isn’t saying much considering the second one is Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. No, that isn’t a typo, that’s really the title. Apparently, whoever came up with that title isn’t aware that it takes saying Beetlejuice three times to summon Beetlejuice. Or…they’re TOO aware, and they know exactly what they’re doing. What was I saying? Oh yeah - sandworms.

The moment in Dune: Part Two when Paul Attreides (Timothee Chalamet) rides a sandworm for the first time made a light bulb go on in my head - that filmmakers should have leaned into immersive sound rather than 3-D visuals two decades ago. I don’t know if the particular theater I was in just had the sound turned up to Marty McFly levels or if the seats were somehow wired into the sound system, but it felt like I was riding the sandworm alongside Paul. It was awesome and all theaters should do this. And it was like that in other scenes, too. I could feel the chopping of the ornithopters blades and the rumbling of the spice harvesters. It was everything 3-D was aiming for without having to put an accessory on my face. I imagine the sound might cause some queasiness and headaches for some people (just like with 3-D), but at least the sandworm ride is worth puking for.

As for the rest of the movie, it was just awesome. When we last saw Paul at the end of Part One, he was...um, in the desert with Chani (Zendaya). That was honestly all I could remember when Part Two started and my mind was racing to try to recall more details. Luckily, Princess Irulan (Florence Pugh) journals. Reading as she writes, she helpfully recalls the events of Part One and in an organic way rather than the film lazily splashing title cards up during the opening. Director Denis Villeneuve was definitely paying attention during film class.

As we open Part Two, the Harkonnen’s now control the planet Arrakis and its unique resource, melange (spice). Glossu Harkonnen (Dave Bautista) governs the planet and is trying to stop the constant Fremen raids that interrupt spice production. Paul and his mother Jessica (Rebecca Ferguson) live among the desert Fremen people. Paul assists with raids and Jessica manipulates the Fremen into seeing Paul as a prophesied savior. Jessica is also pregnant with a girl that she literally talks with throughout the film. If you didn’t already think this movie was weird, wait until you see a bunch of shots of a fetus in-utero.

That is basically the movie. At a nearly three-hour runtime, that might sound a bit long and boring, but the excellent pacing and phenomenal cinematography make the film seem brisk. And don’t underestimate the intrigue of the story. Dune is Game of Thrones in space, with some Gladiator thrown in. Families jockeying for control where one family is seemingly benevolent while another is ruthless and cunning. On top of that, there is a religious sect quietly manipulating events; in Dune’s case, they are the Bene Gesserit (including Jessica), a group comprised entirely of women and talk in the ways of magic. You know...witches.

Speaking of witch...Jessica is my favorite character. Among an amazing cast of actors all nailing their performances, Ferguson tops them all. Through two films, Jessica has gone from devoted wife and meek member of the witch order to a kingmaker, a leader, and person whose eyes contain an intensity that would make a sandworm flee in terror. Part One kept her somewhat subdued, only hinting at her power, intelligence, and maybe even possible malice. Part Two has those things on full display, including a telepathic stare-down with the head Bene Gesserit reverend mother, Gaius (Charlotte Rampling), where Jessica taunts Gaius with her and Paul’s success.

The twist in the overarching story is that Jessica has been secretly training Paul in the ways of the Bene Gesserit (which we also saw in Part One). Paul’s additional abilities allow him to gain the trust of the Fremen, including tribal leader Stilgar (Javier Bardem), and aid in his abilities to do things that should kill him. All of this comes to a crescendo involving another Harkonnen son, Feyd-Rautha (Austin Butler).

The results of this training allow Chalamet to finally explore and portray the multi-faceted Paul. Like Jessica, Paul starts out as the good son to his father, doing everything a prince is supposed to do, only to later morph into a potential god-king. Chalamet exudes every bit of those facets in Paul, as well as inheriting and exhibiting his mother’s dagger-staring eyes. It’s chilling and awe-inspiring to see two actors so able to convey emotions with nothing more than facial expressions.

The only criticism I have of Part Two is that it’s such an amazing watch that I’m annoyed I have to wait for Part 3 (Messiah). While Part Two completes the adaptation of Frank Herbert’s original novel, the film (like the book) leaves subplots unresolved, tantalizing us with what’s to come. Just like the three-year wait for Part Two, it’ll be a long, hard wait. But it’ll be worth it to see, and maybe even feel, more death glares from Jessica.

Rating: Worth double the cost of the amazing Dune popcorn bucket you simply cannot pass up.

“Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3” - Come and get your love.

Audiences seem genuinely confused by the current slate of MCU offerings and what to expect going forward. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness and Black Panther: Wakanda Forever were both quite good. But Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania was only okay, Ms. Marvel was a waste of time, She-Hulk: Attorney at Law did not stick its landing, Thor: Love and Thunder was far worse the second time I watched it, and all of us are still trying to get the Eternals stink out of our clothes. And I’m still not sure how I feel about the Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special. It would be an understatement to say I was nervous going into Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3.

Vol. 3 returns us to Knowhere, where Star-Lord (Chris Pratt) has disappeared into a bottle, still completely shattered from losing Gamora (Zoe Saldana) twice. Wisely, this is not the main plot of the film, but a supporting subplot. Vol. 3 is about Rocket (voiced by Bradley Cooper). More specifically, it’s about what Rocket means to the dysfunctional family that is the Guardians of the Galaxy. While going about his business, Rocket is attacked by Adam Warlock (Will Poulter). Who is that, you ask? Do you remember those gold painted people from Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2? Kind of; not really? Me too. Adam is one of them.

After grievously injuring Rocket, Warlock is chased away by the rest of the Guardians. While trying to save Rocket, Nebula (Karen Gillan) informs them that Rocket has a self-destruct program hidden in his implants’ software. In order to save Rocket, they have forty-eight hours to get the code to deactivate the self-destruct. Who has the code, you ask? The guy who created the gold painted people, a scientist/megalomaniac called the High Evolutionary (Chukwudi Iwuji).

The High Evolutionary has a singular goal - to create the perfect society. To achieve this, he has performed countless experiments on living beings, created and destroyed entire civilizations, and developed cybernetic enhancements to exponentially increase the intelligence of certain beings. Like Raccoons. I told you - this movie is about Rocket.

What makes Vol. 3 really good is how it makes a prequel without making a prequel. Rather than just making a straight prequel like Solo or the Star Wars prequel trilogy or X-Men Origins: Wolverine, it tells us Rocket’s origin story while showing us the Guardians quest to save Rocket’s life. It’s like a really long episode of Lost, but you aren’t confused and dissatisfied at the end.

The origin story also works to flesh out the villain, the High Evolutionary, one of the better villains of the MCU. Unlike many MCU villains, there isn’t a single moment where you sympathize with him. He is cold, methodical, and calculated, yet prone to wild outbursts like a drug addict going through withdrawals. Early in the flashbacks, we meet three other augmented animals locked in cages with Rocket. Physically, they look like creatures from our nightmares. But as we get to know them through successive flashbacks, we become every bit as emotionally attached to them as does Rocket. We also come to loathe the High Evolutionary and dread where these flashbacks appear to be heading. It’s a great bit of storytelling and filmmaking, deftly building the suspense in both Rocket’s past and his present.

By the time Rocket’s past and present come to their respective climaxes, it becomes apparent that the shared theme of the film, if not the entire Guardians trilogy, is love. Past Rocket is willing to do anything for his friends, just as Current Rocket’s friends are willing to do anything for him. This bond also helps bring Star-Lord’s subplot to a satisfying conclusion, as he must come to terms with the Gamora from a different timeline who never knew Star-Lord prior to the final battle in Endgame. Regardless of how the various stories conclude, you will be shedding a tear or ten.

While the film is very good in several ways, it does drop the ball a couple of times. For some reason, the visual look of Groot (Vin Diesel) has gone very backward despite the rest of the film looking gorgeous. While the detail of Rocket and his past companions, especially Lylla the otter (Linda Cardellini), is strikingly real, Groot looks like someone wearing a cheap, padded Groot costume from a Spirit Halloween store. Then there is Star-Lord’s famous helmet, which is inexplicably missing in the entire film. But perhaps the most egregious flaw is the inconsistency of the music. Like the previous installments, the music is very noticeable, but often doesn’t fit the scene or moment. More than once, a song just kicks in seemingly at random, as if someone accidentally hit the play button during post-production and was too tired to edit it back out.

Luckily, the flaws were small and many of the things plaguing the recent subpar films and series were absent from Vol. 3. Most notably, the balance between seriousness and humor was restored, the film not leaning so hard into the silliness of Drax (Dave Baustista) and Mantis (Pom Klementieff) or the seriousness of Gamora and Nebula. It’s just the right amount of a bunch of emotions, working together rather than against each other, restoring our confidence in what’s to come next in the MCU rather than having us wondering what that smell still is.

Rating: Don’t ask for any money back, but maybe for a tissue.

“Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery” - Blanc. Benoit Blanc.

As we enter the homestretch of 2022, the never-ending debate over good sequels vs. bad sequels vs. Hollywood-has-no-creativity gets a new entry - Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery. I don’t know how people from that third group keeping getting into this debate, but we really need to change the locks. With those cranks out of the way, let’s figure out if Glass Onion is good, bad, or The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

The basic trick to making a good sequel is the same trick for making all good movies. Write a good story, dummy. It doesn’t matter if the sequel is a continuation of a previous film or a standalone franchise entry. Audiences want to revisit universes and characters that they enjoyed and are just looking for a good story to take them back again. In order to finish making a good sequel, the rest of the trick is a balancing act. Give the audience just enough of what made the previous film(s) so memorable, but not so much that the audience wants Ace Ventura to die a horrible death.

Glass Onion has one thing in common with Knives Out - master detective Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig). Okay, two things; the other being that Glass Onion is subtitled as A Knives Out Mystery. However, Glass Onion never so much as whispers about Blanc’s previous Knives Out case. The clever part of this is writer/director Rian Johnson wrote another mystery filled with backstabbing or the potential for backstabbing. If that is going to be the way of every Knives Out mystery, count me in.

This time, Blanc finds himself invited to an island owned by tech billionaire Miles Bron (Edward Norton). Bron is hosting a group of long-time friends for the weekend to solve an elaborate murder mystery game. Upon the group’s arrival at the island, Bron is surprised and confused to meet Blanc among the group since Bron didn’t actually invite Blanc. Also confused, Blanc explains that he received an invite to the island and shows it as proof. Bron surmises that one of the guests regifted their invitation to Blanc. Later, one of these guests ends up dead and now there are two mysteries to solve. Who killed the friend and who wanted Blanc there in the first place? And why? Like the Thrombey family in Knives Out, everyone on the island wants something from Bron, giving us and Blanc plenty of suspects.

The group is comprised of Claire (Kathryn Hahn), Lionel (Leslie Odom Jr.), Birdie (Kate Hudson), Peg (Jessica Henwick), Duke (Dave Bautista), Whisky (Madelyn Cline), and Cassandra (Janelle Monae). In addition to their relationships with Bron, these people all have histories and relationships with one or more of the rest of the group. As Blanc starts to peel back the layers and more is revealed about the cast of characters, we are drawn further and further into the mystery, trying to deduce who the killer is before Blanc can enlighten us. Johnson weaves such a well-crafted story that, in at least one point during the movie, we believe each character is either the murderer, the one who summoned Blanc, or both.

By this point in the film, Johnson has succeeded with the basic trick of writing a good story and is off and running with the balancing act. One of the best aspects of Knives Out was the playful, yet serious tone. That same tone is present in Glass Onion, but with the ratio pushed a little more towards the playful side. Much of this has to do with Craig clearly enjoying portraying a character without a license to kill, but also because the film doesn’t start with cops investigating a suicide. Rather, it starts with a group of friends on a zoom call, a la 2020, playing Among Us online. What could be more playful than that?

Also carried over are the structure and excellent flow of the first film. The film begins linearly, introducing us to the various characters, setting up the situation until we get to the murder, then twisting and turning us back through previous events for discovery, while continuing to move us forward toward the answer to the mysteries. Wisely, Johnson resists reusing jokes, specific motivations, and signature character traits (besides Blanc’s), all of which would have cheapened the film.

Most importantly, the tone and flow don’t work without good performances. Every actor, down to the myriad cameos peppered throughout, gives their all to ensure Glass Onion is every bit as enjoyable as its predecessor. Standing out are Monae and Norton, especially when they are together. Cassandra’s loathing of Bron is as palpable as Bron’s smarm, both actors feeding off each other in ways that directors only dream of. And of course, Craig is as charming as ever, playing the “Kentucky-fried” detective to perfection to both disarm and outwit his adversaries with his Southern affectations.

It was very refreshing to see a sequel live up to its highly regarded brethren. By the end of the film, all of the loose ends are tied up, the mystery is solved, and we aren’t left hanging to wait for another film to continue the story. The best part is that the film is so enjoyable that the sadness we felt at Craig hanging up his Bond tuxedo has been replaced by elation at him donning a Southern accent.

Rating: Don’t ask for any money back, but do ask when the next sequel is coming.

 

 

“My Spy” - Pet peeves.

One of my wife’s biggest movie pet peeves is when kids are smarter than adults. While some kids are most definitely smarter than some adults, this theme almost always goes way too far when asking you to suspend your disbelief. Home Alone, Rookie of the Year, The Goonies, Spy Kids, Holes, any of the Harry Potter films - all annoy her to a certain extent. While I am slightly more forgiving (The Goonies is just too good), I agree. My Spy is no exception to this rule and probably would have sent my wife out of the theater in fifteen minutes.

JJ ((Dave Bautista) is a CIA agent in the middle of an undercover operation in Russia, trying to thwart a weapons deal involving plutonium. Just as the deal is about to be sealed, JJ inadvertently blows his cover by asking if he can help whatever is the next phase of the buyer’s plan (the question causes a bad guy to accuse him of being someone else). JJ tries to cover up the mistake, but then just admits that he is a spy. This being a kids’ movie, JJ is not executed on the spot. Instead, he kills all but one bad guy and recovers the plutonium. This scene kind of works for its action and an attempt at humor through some silly cinematography and choreography, which is about what one expects from a spy movie aimed at children.

When JJ returns to his office in America, he receives a standing ovation from everyone. Everyone except his boss, David (Ken Jeong), that is. David shows JJ video of the botched weapons deal, pointing out the escape of Marquez (Greg Bryk) and that there is more plutonium out there. This scene does not work for multiple reasons. One, Ken Jeong was a terrible casting decision to play JJ’s boss, choosing to be neither intimidating nor funny. Two, everyone in the office somehow did not know that the mission was actually a failure (which points to the boss being a moron or everyone in that CIA branch being a moron). Three, JJ is suspended, despite his mission at least being partially successful, confusing the audience in the process.

After a couple minutes, we end up at the next briefing, where JJ is given one last chance - surveillance of Marquez’s ex-sister-in-law, Kate (Parisa Fitz-Henley), with his new partner/techie/fangirl, Bobbi (Kristen Schaal). This scene also did not make sense, although it’s possible I missed something David said during the briefing because the kid behind me sneezed on my neck. Yeah. That happened. Anyway, I doubt anything David said could have made it logical to surveil a woman who long stopped being associated with Marquez.

The main plot of the film kicks off at this point, which is Kate’s nine-year old daughter Sophie (Chloe Coleman) discovering a hidden camera in a dog’s bouncy ball *face in my hands*, following the wifi signal until she discovers JJ and Bobbi’s hideout, and threatening to expose them with video she took of them at work unless they do what she wants them to do. I understand that this is the entire premise of the film and must be accepted in order for the film to work. I also understand that this is the point in which my wife exits stage right because that premise fails on all levels.

The tack this film should have taken is one similar to that of Kindergarten Cop. JJ and Bobbi should have been inserted into the building with cover stories and interacted with Kate to find out if Kate knew anything about Marquez or if there was any reason to believe he would even contact her. I’m even willing to accept the blown cover part, but would have changed it to JJ and Bobbi explaining to Sophie that they were watching Sophie and Kate to keep them safe from bad guys. Almost the entire movie could have been kept as is (minus the blackmail, that is) while maintaining the idea that a nine-year old is not smarter than CIA agents, thus making the film palatable to those of us that are, in fact, smarter than a third grader.

The movie really falls flat during the second act, where there is no action and the threat of a black market nuclear weapon is practically forgotten. During this time, we must endure Bobbi pouting over Sophie getting all of JJ’s attention, JJ training Chloe to be a spy, Chloe forcing JJ to hang out with her and her mom, including the predictable budding romance between JJ and Kate. On top of that is the worst scene in the entire film - JJ telling a roomful of Chloe’s classmates and their parents that he is a CIA agent for a living when he cannot come up with a plausible cover story (which the CIA absolutely would have given him) or even just say that he recently left the military after tours in Afghanistan. Even the sneezed-out germs on my neck winced at this scene.

The news is not all bad though. Once the film remembers that it is an action movie and brings Marquez back into the fray, it becomes somewhat entertaining. Despite a lot of the idiocy in the screenplay, there are some solid moments of comedy. It is also encouraging to see Bautista follow up Stuber with another solid lead performance role. Plus, the kids will love Chloe Coleman, who also delivers a good performance. Unfortunately, none of those things would be enough to overcome my wife’s pet peeve and I am not that forgiving. Now, I need to go wash my neck again.

Rating: Ask for nine dollars back and a sneeze guard.