“Quarantine” – Rabies? Really?

Can you hear my disdain? How about disappointment? Even though this movie came out more than a year ago, I still remember my range of emotions prior to the release of the film. I was curious when I saw the movie poster, interested when I saw the first trailer, then completely irritated after seeing the second trailer. The second trailer also happens to be where the movie poster came from, except the trailer gives it context. That context is the end of the fucking movie. I am not exaggerating; the girl being dragged off into the dark is the last shot of the movie. What asshole marketing guy thought this was a good idea? And what asshole producer okayed it?

The other thing that was obvious from the previews was that the film style was going to follow in the footsteps of “The Blair Witch Project” and “Cloverfield” – a handheld camera used to simulate a documentary or amateur video in the hope of insinuating realism. I’ve heard all the complaints about this style – including the nausea – and none of them bother me. The nausea baffles me, because I don’t feel sick or get headaches when I’m in a theater. Well, except maybe when I saw “The Happening” (which had nothing to do with motion sickness).

Aside from revealing the final scene, the preview exposes almost everything that happens in the movie. A female reporter is doing a story about a group of fireman when they get called to an apartment building. When they get there, they find some sick people and investigate. After being attacked, they try to leave, but find themselves trapped in the building by armed police and federal agents. The sick people continue attacking, picking them off one by one. Eventually, the girl is the only one remaining, which is predictable since she is the main character. That’s how we know the film ends as she is dragged off. And this is all in the preview.

So why watch this movie? By watching the preview, you’re saving yourself eighty-seven minutes. I’d like to be able to say it’s to discover what is happening to the people, but the preview shows you enough for you to assume they become ravenous zombies. The reason really isn’t that important, as the screenwriter doesn’t even bother to explain it. The closest answer we get is some mumbling from a veterinarian that it could be some form of super-fast rabies. You know, right before he becomes a chew toy and shows how fast the rabies really work.

While we’re on the subject, why is it that the transformation from human to zombie gets faster as zombie movies goes on? This film is no exception, as the film begins with a little girl who is sick for several hours before changing, but ends with people changing after the first chunk is torn from their legs. Can we please put a stop to this nonsense? Is it too much to ask for a little bit of consistency, even from a zombie flick?

I hope you’re not still waiting for a reason to watch this film because I don’t have one. If you were lucky enough not to have seen the preview, you weren’t lucky enough not to read this review. Oh well. I promise you aren’t missing anything. The film is predictable (even without the preview spoiling it), the characters are forgettable, and you won’t care every time one of them drops. In fact, some of you might even start rooting for the zombies since it’s the only way to tell the film is actually progressing. It’s better than trying to accept rabies as plausible. Seriously, rabies?

Rating: Don’t waste your time. The writers sure didn’t.