Admit it – at least once, you’ve daydreamed about something bad happening to your boss. Maybe you don’t fantasize about murder, but I’m sure you’ve imagined a very large rock falling on a very expensive car. Horrible Bosses is the depiction of that fantasy played out to the worst possible scenario – what if my boss was murdered? Or more specifically, what if I killed my friend’s boss and my friend killed my boss? The best thing about this film is that it is a comedy, so we can all watch it, laugh, and not leave the theater wondering what the “Buy Now” price would be for a hitman on Craig’s List. So let’s go ahead and answer those questions, along with some others.
Q: The top three grossing comedies this year (so far) are: Bridesmaids = $234M, Just Go With It = $215M, The Hangover 2 = $562M. How does that make you feel?
A: Stunned and murderous. The American movie audience gets dumber by the year and the dregs of Hollywood continue to laugh in between trips to the bank. Admittedly, I haven’t seen The Hangover 2, but just from the previews I know it was a near clone of the original. The grosses for these three movies explain why our economy is in the shitter.
Q: Given your hatred toward Saturday Night Live, how nervous were you about Jason Sudeikis portraying a main character in Horrible Bosses?
A: Very. After the abortion that was Bridesmaids, not to mention the unwatchable SNL episode with Jim Carrey, I was certain that everyone involved with SNL was actively trying to kill the collective sense of humor of the planet. Shockingly, Sudeikis was good in this film, implying that the man does have a shred of comedy in him. But he’s going to have to deliver at least one more good performance before he is permanently removed from my shit list.
Q: Now I’m shocked. So why are these bosses so horrible, anyway?
A: Sudeikis works for a chemical company run by the dick-hole son (Colin Farrell) of the former owner who dies in a car crash at the beginning of the film. Farrell is only interested in hookers and blow and, while hamming it up a little too much, delivers some of the funniest lines in the film. While engaging in both of those activities in the office, he struts around with terrible hair and cheesy mustache and is the most obvious bad boss of the three. Charlie Day works as a dental assistant to a sex-crazed dentist, geniusly played by Jennifer Aniston. Aniston is determined to have sex with him, harassing him every day and molesting unconscious patients in front of him. Jason Bateman works for a financial firm and has busted his ass for eight years, hoping to earn a promotion. Standing in his way is Kevin Spacey, who is the boss we all hate and most closely resembles the cocksuckers on Wall Street who are actually responsible for our shitty economy. At one point, Spacey reprimands Bateman for being two minutes late. … Every night at the bar, Bateman, Day, and Sudeikis complain about their bosses.
Q: Hold on a second…Aniston’s character is sex-crazed? Why does Day think that’s bad? Is he married? Gay?
A: That’s actually a running joke. Bateman and Sudeikis often remark that Day’s situation doesn’t sound so bad and ask why he doesn’t just bang her. Day is recently engaged and doesn’t want to cheat, plus he’s kind of portrayed as the nice guy of the three.
Q: Sounds gay to me. How hard does Aniston try - i.e. this movie is rated R; how much skin does she show?
A: Never beyond PG-13, but enough to make you drool. One scene has her in her underwear and another has her in nothing but her panties and a lab coat. Did I mention that Brad Pitt is an idiot?
A: Are you okay?
Q: What? Uh, yeah…so I hear Jamie Foxx plays a guy named Motherfucker Jones.
A: True. He’s the only character whose name is worth remembering. Surprisingly, the joke never gets old, as the characters have to say “Motherfucker” every time they talk to him. I thought this would get tired, but it doesn’t.
Q: Sounds like a cheap joke. Are you sure you weren’t just starved for laughs after those previous films?
A: Absolutely. I’ll admit that several of the jokes are old sight gags or tired drug jokes, but they all work. Whether it’s brushing one’s ass crack with a boss’ toothbrush or nailing another boss’ wife (Julie Bowen, who is also smoking hot in this film) in his house, the jokes aren’t overdone or casually thrown in for a cheap laugh. Though, one joke involving an out-of-work-finance guy offering the trio blow jobs in a bathroom was not so much funny as tragic.
Q: These jokes don’t sound much different than what’s in The Hangover 2. What makes Horrible Bosses better?
A: With no disrespect to Bradley Cooper, the caliber of actors in Horrible Bosses is ten times that of The Hangover 2 (and a million times that of Bridesmaids). It goes without saying that Bateman and Spacey are fantastic, but Aniston and Day steal the show. And every time Sudeikis disappears, he quietly reappears a few minutes later, zipping his pants and earning a couple of choice remarks from his friends. Again, this could have been tired, but he’s so subtle upon his returns that the joke doesn’t wear out. Farrell and Foxx round it out with limited screen time, but fantastic support.
Q: I’m a little taken aback at such a positive review. Surely there was something negative about the film?
A: As good as I am at picking movies apart and finding those negatives, this movie was done extremely well and just doesn’t have any obvious flaws. I suppose they could have given Donald Sutherland (Sudeikis’ former boss) something to do other than die, but even that was done well. I can’t even complain that they wasted an opportunity to show us Aniston’s whole breasts because that might have actually made the lab coat scene less funny.
Q: Who are you and what have you done with my normal movie reviewer? Prove that you’re still you.
A: Bridesmaids and Lorne Michaels should die of gonorrhea and burn in hell.
Q: There he is.
Rating: Don’t ask for any of your money back, unless it’s for Bridesmaids.