“Weapons” - Lessons learned.

How did you feel about the 2022 movie Barbarian? You can read what I thought of Barbarian in detail, but, to summarize, I was not amused. Weapons is the second film solely written and directed by Zach Cregger, Barbarian being his first. Knowing that, I set my expectations for Weapons to...very guarded. My hope going into Weapons was that it wasn’t gross and disturbing the way Barbarian was and I was looking forward to Josh Brolin. I’m happy to report that Weapons was only a tiny bit gross and a tiny bit disturbing but in the best way possible. Also, Josh Brolin was excellent and the film was orders of magnitude better than the overrated Barbarian.

Before I go on, this is a great time to reiterate one of my rules for movies. Do not watch full movie trailers. No exceptions. Part of the fun of watching movies is being surprised by what you see. But trailers always show way too much of the movie, including many of the best parts. I know there are some people out there who like the anticipation of wondering when certain parts they saw in a trailer will show up in the movie. But those people don’t realize how much of the movie they’re not fully absorbing due to that same anticipation taking up part of their concentration.

I bring this up because Weapons is one of the best mystery and horror movies I’ve seen in a long time. Maybe ever. Yeah...it’s that good. And the trailers will rob you of some of that experience. Don’t worry, I didn’t watch the trailer until after I saw the film. All I knew going in was the synopsis - seventeen kids from the same classroom all disappear and only one is left. Oh, and I knew Josh Brolin was in it. If you need more than those two things to be very interested in this film - and the Josh Brolin part is optional - you and I cannot hang out.

(Side note: Teasers for movies are perfectly acceptable to watch because they are essentially the synopsis come to life. You’re welcome.)

Cregger definitely learned all the right lessons from Barbarian and implemented improvements in Weapons. The structure of the film is the most obvious improvement. Cregger is definitely fan of nonlinear narratives, showing the same period of time or the same events through different characters’ perspectives. Think Pulp Fiction or Go. When done right, this structure serves to move the plot forward while also spending ample time developing characters. Unlike in Barbarian, all of these components are done right.

In Weapons, the film opens with a child narrating the synopsis while showing us the kids running out of their houses and disappearing into the night. Once the setup is complete, a title card reading “Justine” appears and we get a chunk of the story from Justine’s (Julia Garner) perspective. After spending some time getting to know Justine, revealing more of the main story, and meeting several other characters, the film cuts to a new title card reading “Arthur.” Arthur (Brolin) is the father of one of the missing kids and he wants answers. Character development happens, more story, more character intersections, next title card. Lather, rinse, repeat for police officer Paul (Alden Ehrenreich), drug addict James (Austin Abrams), school principal Andrew (Benedict Wong), and the last remaining student from Justine’s class, Alex (Cary Christopher).

As we get the various character perspectives, the film does an excellent job of introducing questions early, then answering those questions later. All in service of a dramatic buildup culminating in the various arcs dovetailing together in a very, very excellent climax. During all of this, we get served the exact right amount of scares using various techniques. A couple of jump scares, a pinch of witchcraft, a dash of gore, and splashes of creepy imagery, including Alex’s Aunt Gladys (Amy Madigan). It’s a horror mystery recipe so well-crafted it would make Alfred Hitchcock and Agatha Christie cry in delight.

As if all that wasn’t enough, Cregger also managed to fit in some exquisitely timed moments of comic relief to break up the tension. Various characters sum up these moments nicely, uttering the phrase “what the fuck?!” several times to voice what the audience is thinking at the same time.

One of my hopes every year is that a movie comes out of nowhere to blow my expectations out of the water. Weapons is definitely that movie this year, a movie so good that an excellent Josh Brolin performance was approximately the tenth best thing about this movie.

Rating: Don’t ask for any money back and don’t watch another trailer ever again.

“Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness” - It’s not complicated.

We’ve seen the multiverse coming to the MCU for quite a while. It all started when the Ancient One (Tilda Swinton) taught us about the multiverse in Doctor Strange. We get another glimpse of it in Avengers: Endgame, when the Ancient One explained to Hulk that schisms in the timeline could lead to multiple, alternate timelines or universes. It’s possible the quantum realm in Ant-Man is one of those universes. We get more hints at it in Avengers: Infinity War when Doctor Strange tells Tony Stark that he looked at over fourteen million timelines to find one where they defeated Thanos. The point is all of the phase four MCU films and shows have been pointing us toward the multiverse, especially Loki and Spider-Man: No Way Home, the latter of which very much operates as the prologue to Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness.

On that note, please don’t listen to the crotchety critics that say you need to do a bunch of homework to enjoy Multiverse of Madness (or any MCU movie, for that matter). You don’t. Some people love to complain about there being too much to follow in the MCU - as if the MCU being rich in content is somehow a bad thing - which makes it hard to understand the movies. That’s like picking up book four of the Harry Potter series, then complaining that you don’t know who all these kids and teachers are and that you don’t get the references to past things. Of course you don’t. But you can still understand and enjoy the story in that book, even if you don’t what the Marauder’s map is.

Multiverse of Madness is really easy to follow, even if you have never seen an MCU film or show. There’s a wizard. He knows magic and is the good guy. There’s a witch. She’s knows magic and is the bad guy. There are an infinite number of parallel universes and they are going to travel to some of them. Wizard must stop witch from doing bad thing. The end. It really is that easy - no studying required.

For folks who have even a passing familiarity with the MCU or saw the movie poster, you know the wizard is Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) and the witch is Wanda, a.k.a. Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen). You’ll also recognize returning characters Wong (Benedict Wong), Mordo (Chiwetel Ejiofor), and Christine (Rachel McAdams) from the first Doctor Strange. The one important new character is America Chavez (Xochitl Gomez), who can open portals to any world in the multiverse. If there is anything else you should know it’s that Wanda had a psychotic break when Vision died (in Infinity War), and, after mentally torturing the town of Westview (in Wandavision) and conjuring herself two fake children, retreated to a secluded cabin to master the magic described in the book called the Darkhold. Having lost Vision and the imagined kids, Wanda is hellbent on finding a way to be with versions of her kids that do actually exist in other universes.

For folks who know way too much about the MCU and are also comic book nerds, there’s a lot to take in during Multiverse. With every new entry in the MCU, we get more and more call outs and tie-ins to previous chapters, plus hints at things still to come. Multiverse is positively brimming with all of those things, especially the hints at the future. A couple of these reveals had the audience clapping and myself exclaiming “holy shit, holy shit, HOLY SHIT!!” As I am 100% MCU nerd and 0% comic book nerd, I still haven’t the faintest idea where all of phase four is leading us. Especially after the mid-credit scene, where I found myself exclaiming “whoa, fuck, really?!”

Clearly, I’m doing my best to avoid spoiling anything for you, so let’s talk about the aesthetics of the film. Marvel Studios and head Marvel producer/president Kevin Feige have done an excellent job over the years of hiring directors and giving them a lot of leeway with their particular styles. Multiverse has a very distinct style from what we’re used to, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. When the credits rolled and I saw “directed by Sam Raimi,” it all clicked. Multiverse will remind you of Evil Dead, Spider-Man, and an acid trip, but still feel very much like an MCU movie. In retrospect, Raimi seems ideal for a movie like Multiverse. There is a bit of gruesomeness, psychedelics, some very slight camp, and humor, all movie traits that Raimi excels at. If some of the camera angles and techniques don’t scream Raimi, a couple of multiverses we get a peek at do. The best part is that Raimi has MCU money, so he gets to do special effects that don’t involve rubber and corn syrup. Though, that also would have been a funny universe.

Whether you are a very casual moviegoer or a hardcore superhero dork, you are going to enjoy Multiverse. If you like long, slow-burning storylines, you’re good. If you like Benedict Cumberbatch, Rachel McAdams, or Elizabeth Olsen, you’re good. If you really just like Cumberbatch, you’re good. If you like fun, trippy movies, you’re good. If you like magic, you’re good. If you just want to be entertained by a big, bright, loud blockbuster, you’re good. If you like comic books, you’re going to explode. It’s that simple.

Rating: Don’t ask for any money back, in this universe or any other universe.

“Raya and the Last Dragon” - Has it been so long?

I am so happy to watch a new movie that is not Oscar bait (though I’m still happy about those) and not called Wonder Woman 1984. I’m also a sucker for fantastical quest movies, so all this movie had to do was not be, well, Wonder Woman 1984. Low bar, I know. It did get a little dicey at times like, early in the film when exploding farts became a thing, or later when a baby threw his own diaper at someone’s face. But, I let those go because the dragon was endearing and the other characters were the familiar ragtag bunch of misfits that always make quest movies fun. Mostly, it’s just been so long since a fun blockbuster-type movie came out, especially one that wasn’t a soul-crushing disappointment, that farts and diapers were almost welcome. I know another movie that could have used some of that.

And now, as always, the thoughts of the movie’s target audience, my eight-year old son.

What was the last new movie you saw?

The last new movie I saw was *thinking* I don’t even remember. Oh wait…was it…Godmothered?

I think you are right. How happy are you to see a new movie?

Pretty happy.

The new movie is Raya and the Last Dragon. What was you first thought after watching it?

I thought about what the genres were.

What are the genres?

Adventure. Fantasy. And did I say comedy? It was actually pretty funny.

Let’s start with the comedy. What was funny about it?

There was one joke when Raya found Sisu at the end of the river and she made this funny joke. I don’t remember what it was, but it made sense.

Who is Sisu?

She’s like this dragon. The last dragon that ever lived. She can swim fast and we she holds the dragon gems she gets another power from her siblings. One power was she could turn into a human.

Does she spend more time as a dragon or a human?

A human.

Do you think that was good or should she have stayed a dragon the whole time?

It was good because she could hide as a human so people wouldn’t capture her. And Kumandra needs dragons.

What is Kumandra?

Kumandra is where all of the people were one big city, but now they’re all enemies.

Why does Kumandra need dragons?

Because dragons brought them water and stuff and plants and good food.

What is the adventure part of the movie?

They have to try to make Kumandra back to Kumandra. So they have to get all the enemies back to Kumandra.

Who is they?

Raya and her friends.

Tell me about Raya and her friends.

There’s this big dude. I don’t remember what his name was, but he is huge and buff. And there is this little kid that works at a hibachi restaurant on a boat in the middle of the river. There’s Sisu, obviously. Raya (I said Raya, right?). And the baby ninja who is in charge of the monkeys.

Sounds like a really funny group.

Told you - the movie is funny.

How are Raya and her friends going to bring back Kumandra?

They have to get back, well, in the beginning of the movie, the dragon gem broke. To bring Kumandra back, they have to find the pieces and connect the gem back into a ball again.

What happened when the gem broke?

There are these purple monster thingies that if they touch people, the people turn to stone. The purple monster thingies are like ten feet tall and ten feet wide and are walking, slimy, jello things.

So, they have to put the gem back together before the purple monsters turn everyone to stone?

Yes.

If all they have to do is put the dragon gem back together, why do they need a dragon? Why do they need Sisu?

I said it, but I just lost it.

It’s okay. Who are all the enemies in the movie?

Fang. Spine. Tail. I can’t remember the other one. But everything is around a big river shaped like a dragon, so all the places are named after body parts.

Who broke the dragon gem?

The princess of Fang.

Is she also a main enemy?

Yes. Everyone is kind of enemies, but they have to friend each other like in a video game.

Is that how they make Kumandra?

Yes. They make friends, build a better team, and do jobs.

Who is your favorite character in the movie?

The ninja baby and the monkeys. Because it’s a baby and why not?

What was your favorite part of the movie?

Hmmm. That was a good question. It is *thinking* *rolling around on the couch* when they find Sisu and when she makes a ton of good jokes that adults and kids understand. Therefore, it’s a amazing. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Were there any parts of the movie you didn’t like?

Not really.

Was any part of the movie too scary for kids?

No. It’s an animation movie.

Animation can still be scary. Do you think young kids might be scared by ten-foot tall, purple jello monsters that turn people into stone?

Yeah, no. Unless their parents dress up as one and chase their kids.

That would be scary. Overall, what did you think of the movie?

It was pretty good. Pretty funny. Pretty adventure-y. Pretty fantasy-y.

Rating: If the movie were twenty bucks, I would ask for no money back because a lot of kids would really like it and it’s meant for kids to watch.