"Resident Evil" - Never thought I would see the day.

My first memory of the Resident Evil video game franchise goes all the way back to my college years. I was in a friend's dorm room seeing a Sony PlayStation for the first time. There were half a dozen or so of us and we were there to play Resident Evil 2. We started up the game, shut off the lights, and proceeded to be wildly entertained and more than a little freaked out at what proceeded on the TV. It was awesome. That is the moment I was hooked on both the Resident Evil games and PlayStation in general.

Since that day, there have now been eight Resident Evil films made. In terms of quality, they've ranged from kind-of-not-terrible to oh-dear-god-not-like-that. I'll let you decide which is which. Regardless, I think you'll agree that the expectations going into this second reboot (and eighth film) of the franchise (I had no idea there was a previous reboot attempt until ten seconds ago) are properly set at please-just-don't-suck. And, holy cow did it definitely not suck.

Clearly, director/writer Zach Cregger had a very similar experience with Resident Evil games as I did. I'll admit that my recollection of the previous movies is really fuzzy, but I recall them focusing way too much on the underlying plot. You know, the Umbrella Corporation's genetically modified virus getting out of their labs and turning people into zombies and other assorted monsters. While they got that story mostly right, that isn't why people loved those games. We loved them because they scared us while we played them. We loved the various little puzzles we had to solve to move forward in the game. We loved the blood splatter when dispatching monsters. We even loved how we had to ration ammunition for the weapons our characters found, practically squealing with glee every time we found a box of shotgun shells. And after watching Cregger's Resident Evil film, it's obvious he loved those things as well.

The quickest way to describe this new film is it made me feel like I was in that dorm room again. We're watching a character on the screen trying to solve various little puzzles while dodging or killing zombies and monsters on his way to a final destination. Specifically, Bryan (Austin Abrams) is a courier for hospitals and is assigned with taking a life-saving item to the Raccoon City hospital. That's it. That's the entire plot.

Any fan of the games will recognize this structure. Again, that’s why we liked the games. We’re everyone in the dorm watching the person with the controller get Bryan to the final destination. To get there, Bryan has to go through a farm house, a dark tunnel filled with cars, sewer systems, alleys, and the hospital itself. Bryan has to find ammo for a shotgun, a semi-automatic rifle, and pistol, all guns he discovers along the way. He’ll have run-ins with people who are definitely monsters and a handful of survivors who may not survive much longer. There’s even a typewriter. Did Bryan ever find an ink ribbon for it so he could save his game? Who cares!?

If it wasn’t enough that Cregger absolutely nailed capturing the feeling of the game, he even managed to weave a perfect amount of comic relief through the film. The biggest mistake earlier films in the franchise made was taking themselves way too seriously. Much like Cregger’s previously film Weapons, Resident Evil has sequences where the tension builds to boiling, then a perfectly timed line or sight gag defuses it just enough to let the audience breathe. And it’s doubly important in Resident Evil because the jump scares are plentiful. I know it’s the most used trope in the horror genre, but I’ll be damned if every single jump scare in Resident Evil works. The crazy thing is they work even when we’re expecting them.

While I’m geeking out over every part of this film, let me recognize how well Abrams carries this entire film. For the vast majority of it, he’s the only person on screen. He delivers exactly the right performance for an every-man just trying to survive the night. Well done, good sir. Now find that ink ribbon so you don’t lose your progress.

Rating: Don’t ask for any money back. Not only is it the best Resident Evil movie, it’s one of the best movies of the year.

“Weapons” - Lessons learned.

How did you feel about the 2022 movie Barbarian? You can read what I thought of Barbarian in detail, but, to summarize, I was not amused. Weapons is the second film solely written and directed by Zach Cregger, Barbarian being his first. Knowing that, I set my expectations for Weapons to...very guarded. My hope going into Weapons was that it wasn’t gross and disturbing the way Barbarian was and I was looking forward to Josh Brolin. I’m happy to report that Weapons was only a tiny bit gross and a tiny bit disturbing but in the best way possible. Also, Josh Brolin was excellent and the film was orders of magnitude better than the overrated Barbarian.

Before I go on, this is a great time to reiterate one of my rules for movies. Do not watch full movie trailers. No exceptions. Part of the fun of watching movies is being surprised by what you see. But trailers always show way too much of the movie, including many of the best parts. I know there are some people out there who like the anticipation of wondering when certain parts they saw in a trailer will show up in the movie. But those people don’t realize how much of the movie they’re not fully absorbing due to that same anticipation taking up part of their concentration.

I bring this up because Weapons is one of the best mystery and horror movies I’ve seen in a long time. Maybe ever. Yeah...it’s that good. And the trailers will rob you of some of that experience. Don’t worry, I didn’t watch the trailer until after I saw the film. All I knew going in was the synopsis - seventeen kids from the same classroom all disappear and only one is left. Oh, and I knew Josh Brolin was in it. If you need more than those two things to be very interested in this film - and the Josh Brolin part is optional - you and I cannot hang out.

(Side note: Teasers for movies are perfectly acceptable to watch because they are essentially the synopsis come to life. You’re welcome.)

Cregger definitely learned all the right lessons from Barbarian and implemented improvements in Weapons. The structure of the film is the most obvious improvement. Cregger is definitely fan of nonlinear narratives, showing the same period of time or the same events through different characters’ perspectives. Think Pulp Fiction or Go. When done right, this structure serves to move the plot forward while also spending ample time developing characters. Unlike in Barbarian, all of these components are done right.

In Weapons, the film opens with a child narrating the synopsis while showing us the kids running out of their houses and disappearing into the night. Once the setup is complete, a title card reading “Justine” appears and we get a chunk of the story from Justine’s (Julia Garner) perspective. After spending some time getting to know Justine, revealing more of the main story, and meeting several other characters, the film cuts to a new title card reading “Arthur.” Arthur (Brolin) is the father of one of the missing kids and he wants answers. Character development happens, more story, more character intersections, next title card. Lather, rinse, repeat for police officer Paul (Alden Ehrenreich), drug addict James (Austin Abrams), school principal Andrew (Benedict Wong), and the last remaining student from Justine’s class, Alex (Cary Christopher).

As we get the various character perspectives, the film does an excellent job of introducing questions early, then answering those questions later. All in service of a dramatic buildup culminating in the various arcs dovetailing together in a very, very excellent climax. During all of this, we get served the exact right amount of scares using various techniques. A couple of jump scares, a pinch of witchcraft, a dash of gore, and splashes of creepy imagery, including Alex’s Aunt Gladys (Amy Madigan). It’s a horror mystery recipe so well-crafted it would make Alfred Hitchcock and Agatha Christie cry in delight.

As if all that wasn’t enough, Cregger also managed to fit in some exquisitely timed moments of comic relief to break up the tension. Various characters sum up these moments nicely, uttering the phrase “what the fuck?!” several times to voice what the audience is thinking at the same time.

One of my hopes every year is that a movie comes out of nowhere to blow my expectations out of the water. Weapons is definitely that movie this year, a movie so good that an excellent Josh Brolin performance was approximately the tenth best thing about this movie.

Rating: Don’t ask for any money back and don’t watch another trailer ever again.