“Black Bag” - If I tell you, I don’t have to kill you.

Who is going to be the next James Bond? It’s been four years since Daniel Craig’s Bond died in No Time to Die and the 007 wheel of who’s-the-next-Bond is still spinning with no end in sight. And even after the new Bond is cast, we have no idea what the future of the franchise looks like now that Amazon has full control of it. The good news is we have a new spy thriller called Black Bag to fill the spy thriller void left by Bond’s explosive demise. What? Too soon?

Unlike Bond films, Black Bag isn’t an action spy thriller. If you’re looking for one of those, you only have two more months to wait until Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning releases. Black Bag is directed by Steven Soderbergh and his films tend to lean more toward the cerebral side than the action side. That doesn’t mean it’s completely devoid of action, just that you’re going to have to engage your brain for a lot more of the film’s run time than you are watching Bond or Ethan Hunt.

One thing Black Bag has in common with Bond films is that its spies all work for Britain’s Secret Intelligence Service (SIS), a.k.a. MI6. We don’t know if any of them are double-Os, probably because if they told us they’d have to kill us.

Agent George Woodhouse (Michael Fassbender) is tasked with investigating five fellow agents to determine which of them is leaking classified information. Among the five is his wife Kathryn S. Jean (Cate Blanchett), making the investigation that much more awkward. The other four are agents Dubose (Marisa Abela), Smalls (Tom Burke), Vaughn (Naomie Harris), and Stokes (Rege-Jean Page). After receiving his assignment, Woodhouse invites the four agents to his house for dinner (obviously, his wife will be there as well) to surreptitiously begin his investigation.

The dinner scene is quite good but, as I said, you have to engage your brain. The scene is quite long, the British accents are thick, and a lot of information is put forth. The scene introduces the characters, providing us with a bunch of details about their various jobs within the agency as well as some personal details that could incriminate them as the leak. The information also serves to get the plot moving, as well as drop hints as to what’s to come. It’s a fantastically written scene, underscored by equally fantastic performances. To beat the dinner metaphor a bit, the scene is the appetizer whetting our palate for the main course.

As the film progresses, the intrigue piles on thick, secrets are revealed, and everyone’s a suspect. Even intelligence boss Arthur Steiglitz (Pierce Brosnan) is pulled into the case when the stakes of the leak are revealed. There are twists and turns, false leads and red herrings. There are moments when we think we’ve solved the puzzle, only for the movie to throw another wrinkle at us, dashing our solution. And the whole time we’re enjoying the sharp dialogue and killer performances that feature heavily in Soderbergh flicks.

When the movie reaches its climax, rather than feature a car chase or shootout or nuclear explosion or sky beam, the film gives us...wait for it...another dinner scene. Symmetry, baby! Soderbergh definitely paid attention in film class. Except, in this scene, the only thing served is the big reveal of who and why and a pistol for that who to make a grab for. It’s a scene every bit as good as the opening scene, the dialogue and performances as sharp as ever. It’s the kind of scene that has us on the edge of our seats in anticipation, but without the sensory overload better suited for the Imax. As we eagerly await Ethan Hunt’s finale and the announcement of who will be drinking their martini shaken not stirred, Black Bag is a wonderful film to fill the time.

Rating: Don’t ask for any money back and feel free to tell everyone about it because this film should not be kept secret.

“Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves” - A campaign worth playing.

The last serious attempt at a Dungeons & Dragons movie was in 2000, resulting in a critical and commercial bomb (10% on Rotten Tomatoes, grossing just $33.8 million on a $45 million budget) and a legion of angry dungeon masters. Impossibly, two direct-to-DVD sequels were filmed and released in 2005 and 2012, presumably as a prank on nerds. Now that Stranger Things has helped to rehabilitate the image of Dungeons & Dragons, Hollywood decided to roll its twenty-sided dice on another serious attempt at bringing D&D to the silver screen.

The reason Hollywood wants another go at a Dungeons & Dragons film (and potential franchise) is the built-in audience of tens of millions of current D&D players. The tightrope Hollywood must walk is not pissing all over those players’ game the way the 2000 movie emptied its bladder on them. In a sign of good faith, Paramount Pictures and Entertainment One spent $151 million to ensure Honor Among Thieves respects those players and their beloved game. For that amount of money, Honor Among Thieves should be a campaign for the ages.

Since I have played exactly no games of D&D, I cannot tell if the movie satisfies D&D fans with its fan service components. For that matter, I’m not even sure which components are purely fan service. The amount I know about D&D can fit comfortably in a thimble. Whoops - that’s a Monopoly reference. See what I mean? But it looked and sounded like there were a ton of winks and nods to fans. The film’s heroes reference past campaigns and locations and individuals at a furious pace. As little as I know, even I recognized the name Baldur’s Gate, though I haven’t the foggiest idea how or why. And of course, there are dungeons and there are dragons.

Thanks to Stranger Things, I am at least familiar with the basic structure of every D&D campaign. A dungeon master acts as storyteller and host to a party of adventurers who go on a quest. In Honor Among Thieves, Edgin Darvis (Chris Pine) acts as the dungeon master, though he is also one of the adventurers. Throughout the film, Edgin provides exposition and back story while also gathering a party to complete his personal campaign. I assume this is a good thing and mirrors other campaigns because Edgin pretty much never stops talking.

The main quest is Edgin reuniting his family. He seeks a tablet that can be used to resurrect his murdered wife and must also convince his estranged daughter Kira (Chloe Coleman) to come home with him. The very short backstory is Edgin became a thief after the death of his wife, culminating in his arrest and imprisonment and Kira becoming a ward of the Lord of Neverwinter, Forge Fitzwilliam (Hugh Grant). Forge was part of Edgin’s original party that attempted to steal the tablet, Forge betraying Edgin with the help of a Red Wizard named Sofina (Daisy Head) and taking the tablet, along with a bunch of treasure for himself. I promise that really is the short version and would sound a lot cooler if you imagine me wearing a robe, holding a staff, and waving my arms around theatrically.

The party Edgin assembles for the quest sounds as D&D as one can imagine. There is a barbarian named Holga Kilgore (Michelle Rodriguez), a paladin named Xenk Yendar (Rege-Jean Page), a sorcerer named Simon Aumar (Justice Smith), and a shapeshifting druid named Doric (Sophia Lillis). They’re all part of guilds or descended from someone important and each has a special talent that is required for them to complete the quest. If you have questions about them, just be patient. Edgin will explain everything and everyone.

Like any good quest, the adventurers must first find a couple of special items before they can confront the final boss. These little side quests are what makes this movie fun. One quest leads them to a graveyard and some fun laughs. Another leads them to an underground city filled with action and a fat dragon. If this is what a real-life D&D campaign looks like, I’ve been missing out.

Like any action movie with this many moving parts, there are flaws. Sofina is underdeveloped and her motivation is very generic. The conclusion includes a component that is far too predictable. And Xenk and Doric are underused, especially Xenk, who just leaves them after a side quest. Fortunately, the rest of the movie is strong enough to prevent these flaws from impacting the overall product.

While Honor Among Thieves isn’t so great it makes me want to get into LARPing, it was good enough that I want there to be a sequel. Maybe even play a game or two. I quite enjoyed the story and performances. The actors were clearly enjoying themselves, even Michelle Rodriguez who in most movies appears to be pissed off at someone or something just off screen. It’s a very entertaining film that understands what it is, but doesn’t lean so far into it that falls into a pile of Funyuns in its mom’s basement. The roll of the dice came up favorably.

Rating: Don’t ask for any money back or you’ll anger the dungeon master.