“A Big Bold Beautiful Journey” - The magic of time and place.

I like weird. Weird music, weird books, and definitely weird movies. The Lobster, The Fountain, Labyrinth. The weirder, the better. Well, maybe not The Shape of Water weird. I have a line - fuzzy as it may be - and that movie crossed it. On the other hand, A Big Bold Beautiful Journey landed right in my sweet spot.

Life is all about doors. The doors you open and walk through and those you don’t. Journey asks its two main characters to open and walk through a bunch of doors and for us, the audience, to follow them. And the doors are so weird.

David (Colin Farrell) walks through a door into a very large room containing two rental cars. Two people sitting behind a desk urge David to come all the way in. The woman (Phoebe Waller-Bridge) peppers him with questions while the man (Kevin Kline) casually observes and agrees with her. In the end, she convinces David to rent the GPS to go with the 1994 Saturn he will be borrowing.

David makes his way to a friend’s wedding where he meets Sarah (Margot Robbie). The two of them have a very weird conversation, the wedding ends, and they separately leave the wedding. Shortly into the drive home, the sultry GPS voice asks David if he would like to go on a big, bold, beautiful journey. At first, David is confused that a GPS is having a conversation with him. But his life is quite dull, especially at that moment, so he answers yes. The GPS directs him to a fast-food rest-stop and tells him to order a cheeseburger. Question, dear reader - what would your answer to the GPS have been?

Sitting in a booth and eating his food, he spots Sarah two booths away. Weird. Sarah joins David, they chat for a while, then they walk to their respective, identical 1994 Saturns. More weird. When Sarah’s car won’t start, GPS tells David to offer Sarah a ride. He does. This is not weird, just polite. After some time and distance have passed, they reach a new destination. They walk into the woods and find a bright red door standing alone. With caution, they approach the door and David decides to walk through. At this moment, we are seeing the door from the side and we do not see David pass through the frame. Sarah joins him and the two find themselves in a lighthouse David once visited. Excellent and so very weird.

The rest of the film unfolds this way, Sarah and David walking through random doors into different moments of each other’s lives. And they aren’t just watching these moments play out and reminiscing about them. These are interactive moments where David and Sarah are their younger selves (or their parents) and can make different decisions. Where they can say things they wanted to say or not say things they did say.

But it’s not a Mr. Destiny thing where their present is altered if they make different decisions. These are all introspective interactions. They get to see how that moment plays out if they choose a different action, but when they walk back out the door, their lives are the same. These are learning moments for them and not just about themselves.

Don’t forget, this is also a romantic story. That initial wedding conversation is David and Sarah’s meet-cute. The door adventures are their dates. They even go through the cliched event that separates the two, though in their case it’s not an inane misunderstanding. All of this is clever character building while also developing their relationship with each other. And we even get to see them sing a little bit.

 

We watch a relationship blossom in real-time over a couple of days, while witnessing the kind of introspection, revelation, and vulnerability that comes over the course of a long-term partnership. A life partner sees you at your worst, relives your stories of pivotal formative moments, and holds your hand as you navigate through those latent emotions. This movie illustrates a wonderful allegory of how a lifelong partnership intertwines both past and future growth, and how the accidental elements of time and place can intersect to create magic.

In addition to being a big fan of weird, I’m also a big fan of Farrell and Robbie. Both have plenty of experience with weird, as anyone who has seen The Lobster or Birds of Prey can attest to. And both of them deliver very satisfying and convincing performances. Even if you aren’t a fan of the weirdness, you’ll be a fan of David and Sarah by the time they return their Saturns.

Rating: Don’t ask for any money back and stay weird.

“Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny” - The last, last, last crusade.

Dear Indiana Jones Fans,

First, we’d like to thank you for supporting Indiana Jones. Without fans like you, Dr. Jones’ rich world universe of movies, comic books, novels, video games, pinball machines, a television series, a theme park ride, a stunt show, and countless merchandise would not have been possible. Even if you aren’t aware that most of those things existed, we assure you that they are all real things, many of which at least several of you enjoyed.

We would also like to extend our sincerest apologies for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. We didn’t want to make it either, but we signed a deal in the late 1970s with Paramount Pictures to make five Indiana Jones films. Paramount was upset that we titled the third film The Last Crusade and even more upset that it was an exceptionally good way to end a (sort-of) trilogy. They threatened to let Michael Bay write and direct two more if we didn’t do them, so you can see we really didn’t have a choice. Plus, they insisted we cast Shia LaBeouf and center the plot around aliens and CGI because Transformers was far more successful than they expected. Again, we are deeply sorry.

Luckily, Disney bought us in 2012. They were just as upset at Crystal Skull as you, noting that the wait time for their Disneyland theme park ride had dropped from seventy-five minutes to three minutes. Crowds for Epcot’s stunt show dwindled as well, in no small part due to a familiar-looking young man insisting the stunt show needed to incorporate swinging from vines. With Disney in control of our franchise rights, they told us to fulfill our contract to Paramount with a final movie respecting the heart of the franchise and that they did not know what a Mutt Williams was.

To show how much we appreciate your continued support of the franchise (especially the shockingly high $791 million box office), we present to you Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. We swear Dial of Destiny will be the last Indiana Jones movie. I know you’ve heard this before, but this time we really mean it. We even had Harrison Ford go on the record (NBC’s Today - May, 2019) saying “I’m Indiana Jones. When I’m gone, he’s gone.” Nineteen years passed between The Last Crusade and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, another fifteen years to Dial of Destiny, and Ford will be eighty-one years old next month. You do the math.

Dial of Destiny has all the things you love about Indiana Jones adventures. Jones using his bullwhip. Jones punching people. Jones pursuing an ancient relic/MacGuffin. Jones explaining the history and mythology of that ancient relic. Jones fighting Nazis. Jones riding a horse. Jones picking up his hat. Closeups of Jones’ hat. Jones lecturing a bunch of college students in a classroom. Jones driving a vehicle in a chase scene. We even used CGI to de-age Jones for an opening scene where he tries to recover a different ancient relic than the main story ancient relic. Oh...and Sallah (John Rhys-Davies) is there too.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t bring back everything you love. This is the first Indiana Jones movie that isn’t directed by Steven Spielberg. We left many, many (many) messages and, eventually, his assistant called us and said Steven was busy making a movie that Steven says will be THE defining biopic of cinema. Now that we are done making Dial of Destiny, we’re excited to have free time to watch Spielberg’s movie to find out which great person of history Spielberg pointed his camera at.

Dial of Destiny is also the first Indiana Jones movie not written by George Lucas. You’re welcome.

We think you’ll be happy to hear that James Mangold agreed to direct and help write the screenplay for Dial of Destiny. Mangold was nominated for Academy Awards for Best Director for Ford v. Ferrari and Best Adapted Screenplay for Logan, so rest assured Dial of Destiny was in good hands. In addition, Mangold brought with him Jez and John-Henry Butterworth - the writers of Ford v. Ferrari. Finally, we added David Koepp as a fourth writer, who has helped write many good movies (Jurassic Park, Spider-Man, Mission: Impossible), many other less good movies (The Shadow, Snake Eyes, The Mummy (2017)), and that he is very, very sorry he answered George Lucas’ phone calls while writing Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

We’re also excited to tell you about the other main characters. Phoebe Waller-Bridge plays Indy’s goddaughter/archaeologist Helena Shaw, the daughter of Indy’s friend Basil (Toby Jones). Helena wants to find the ancient relic so she can sell it and she needs Indy’s help to get it. Waller-Bridge attacks her role with the same gusto as Karen Allen did in Raiders of the Lost Ark. She will quip and smirk and archaeology so much you’ll think she’s a female incarnation of Indy himself.

Opposite them, Mads Mikkelsen plays an evil Nazi scientist named Jurgen Voller and nobody does evil villain like Mikkelsen. Like every Indiana Jones villain, Voller wants the ancient relic for its mythical power in order to help the Nazis take over the world. Also like every Indiana Jones villain, Voller is very one-dimensional to ensure there is no chance you will ever sympathize with him.

Everything else we did with the movie, we did with you, the fans, in mind. In honor of the previous films, we put in a bunch of easter eggs. We added a fun kid sidekick, Teddy (Ethann Isidore), a Moroccan teenager who helps Helena. He is no Short Round and, now that we think about it, adds nothing to the story or events. But we couldn’t find a way that drinking blood, ripping hearts out, or surviving a fall from an airplane in an inflatable raft made sense in this movie, so we went with the kid. Also, Sallah is there.

We cast Antonio Banderas as Renaldo, a new “old” friend of Indy’s for a fun underwater diving scene. We refrained from using too much CGI and filmed a ton of practical effects in several locations around the world. We put in a gigantic henchman for Indy to fight. We even decided to finally show the full power of the artifact, which we feel was the one flaw in the first three movies. We just know you’ll love it the same way you love it when monster movies show the monster in the first act of the film.

In gratitude to you, we spent $295 million dollars to make certain Dial of Destiny is at least the fourth best Indiana Jones movie. You might even say the third best. We appreciate your forty years of devotion and hope you enjoy watching Dial of Destiny as much as we enjoyed making it. Even if you don’t, we think you’d agree that shouldn’t ask for more than eight dollars back.

Yours truly,

The Indiana Jones Franchise