"The Death of Robin Hood" - What's the opposite of hitting a bullseye?

The more I think about The Death of Robin Hood, the more I realize it's not a good movie. Don't get me wrong; there are plenty of components that will at least make film nerds gush. The cinematography is good. The sound is good. The locations in Northern Ireland they used for filming are beautiful. The costume design is fantastic. And the performances from Hugh Jackman, Jodie Comer, Bill Skarsgard, and Murray Bartlett are great. As for the single most important reason a movie exists - the story - there will be no gushing.

The premise of the movie is simple...what if all the stories about Robin Hood were lies? What if Robin Hood was just a thief and murderer who just liked robbing and killing? The plot of the movie is to just show us the final days or weeks of Robin's life. It's right there in the title. And it's also a metaphorical title. With the revelation that all the heroic stories of Robin Hood and his merry men are lies (robbing the rich to give to the poor), we're getting the death of the legend of Robin Hood as well. Maybe there's an interesting story in there somewhere, but if writer/director Michael Sarnoski was aiming for it, he missed. Missed badly.

The biggest hurdle the movie has to clear is that the entire audience knows Robin Hood as a hero. It's a tall order to convince people that Robin is actually an evil brigand and make a compelling story about that version of Robin Hood. Which is probably why the movie didn't really try. Oh, it gives a token effort every now and then. But it becomes painfully clear midway through the film that not even Sarnoski has much interest in going down that road.

That token effort is most apparent in the first act of the film. When a young, freezing lady stumbles across Robin (Jackman) in the hills and tells him that Robin protects these hills, Robin responds by telling her he knows Robin and all of the stories are lies. Then, he kills her in defense when she tries to stab him in his sleep. Turns out Robin killed her family and she wanted revenge. The next morning as he is burying her body, the camera pans out to reveal a great many graves. Turns out quite a few people have attempted the same revenge and lost.

Sometime later, Little John (Skarsgard) shows up asking for Robin's help. Stay with me on this - John killed a man named Edward, assumed Edward's identity, has been living on Edward's farm with a wife and daughter, and the family of the real Edward has come back and taken his wife and daughter hostage. I think John's wife was actually Edward's wife, maybe the daughter as well? It's really murky, but John seems to be genuinely fond of them. Anyway, this leads to two brutal and grisly action scenes and Robin nearly being killed. The point of these scenes is to establish how many people want Robin and friends dead, but also to assure the audience that Robin (and John) isn't all bad. He's just trying to help his friend get his family back. Is that so wrong?

When Robin awakes, he finds himself in a priory on a remote island, his injuries being tended to by prioress Sister Brigid (Comer). This is where the movie and Robin get really introspective. The final two acts feature zero action scenes and a heaping pile of soul-searching. Robin makes some noise about being haunted by all the killings, though not to Brigid whom he's told his name is Randolph. A local leper (Bartlett) occasionally pops up to mildly taunt Robin with wise-sounding advice as Robin rehabilitates his injuries. Little Margaret (John's daughter) ends up on the island, further softening Robin's hardened demeanor. Brigid masturbates in a cave. Robin agrees to tend to the fruit trees on the island and hunt game to help feed the local residents. What's that - repeat that one before the fruit trees? Yeah, that happened. This is an A24 movie; of course there are weird scenes like that.

That cave scene is a good example of the myriad half-baked things the plot throws at the audience without ever going back to explain them. The unexplained part isn't the self-service part, it's why in a cave? We're told that Brigid is an almost magical healer, implying something supernatural. There's an object in the cave that could be an altar and that scene made me think we were going to find out Brigid is a witch. Then again, in another scene, we find out she's widowed and her children are dead, so maybe that object is her dead husband's grave? Or her childrens'? I told you - A24 movies are weird.

There are several unanswered questions like that, but none of them lead to the audience becoming invested in the plot or the premise. We're just waiting to for the film's title to be fulfilled. You know - the death of Robin Hood. In a much smarter movie, Robin's past and lies converge in a climax that includes his mythical bow and arrow skills. That the leper plays a much more important role in the plot than faceless dispenser of proverbs and adages. That maybe John's daughter is the ultimate dispenser of justice instead of being a cheap plot device to manipulate the audience's view of Robin. That Brigid is far more than just a healer. Instead, we get an ending that isn't just unsatisfying, but an ending that undermines its own premise. If only it had just stuck with weird, we might have cared about the death of Robin Hood. Both literally and metaphorically.

Rating: Ask for twelve dollars back after you finish gushing over the film nerd stuff.

"The Sheep Detectives" - Wait, did you say sheep?

The Sheep Detectives isn't a story about human detectives investigating sheep. It's about sheep investigating the murder of their human shepherd, George (Hugh Jackman). It's a silly premise, but it's exactly the kind of story that gets made into a PG-rated film. The remarkable thing about this film isn't that a studio greenlit a project about sheep detectives, it's that the finished film doesn't treat its target audience - families - as complete idiots.

It could be that this film is smarter than typical family films because the (German) novel it's based on - Three Bags Full: A Sheep Detective Story by Leonie Swann - isn't a children's book, but a regular adult mystery novel (set in Ireland). I haven't read the novel, so I can't speak to its contents. Since the movie doesn't feature over-the-top absurd characters or poop or fart jokes, I can only assume the book doesn't have those things either. And I'm very, very glad for that.

With such a silly premise, it's easy to assume the movie wouldn't take itself seriously at all. That's what I assumed. The preview all but told me to make that assumption. One example is the preview makes Emma Thompson (playing George's lawyer Lydia Harbottle) come off like every ridiculous family-friendly villain. That's not to say she is or isn't the murderer, but when seen in the full context of the film, Lydia is quite the opposite of ridiculous. In fact, she might be the best non-ovine character in the film, if not the best character altogether. Emma Thompson is taking this movie seriously (while also clearly enjoying herself in this film), as is the rest of the cast and crew.

Don't worry though, there is a little bit of silliness in the film. Once again, the sheep are the detectives. For this to work, a couple of conceits must be made. One conceit is that the sheep have a complete understanding of the entire English language, which they seem to have gotten mostly from George reading them mystery stories every evening. While the humans in the movie still only hear baaaa, the sheep are speaking English for the audience. Another conceit is that nobody in the town is surprised when sheep are roaming around town or behaving in weirdly human ways. I've spent a good amount of time in places where sheep are a significant industry and never once saw sheep wandering around town, let alone inside hotels or pubs. Of course, I've never been to Ireland, so maybe sheep are more free there.

On the serious side, the movie is a straight-forward whodunit. The movie introduces us to George, a bunch of individual sheep, and a handful of locals, and then George dies. The smartest sheep, Lily (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) is convinced that George was murdered and determines that they must find the killer. Much of this revolves around giving hints to various humans, including the town's only cop, Tim (Nicholas Braun). Shortly after George's death, Lydia arrives in town to read the will, which in all mysteries means gathering all of the suspects. Clues and motives are revealed until the killer is finally unmasked. And like all fun mysteries, the clues are such that anybody paying attention can deduce the killer's identity before the obligatory unmasking in the climax.

The best way to know that the film isn't pandering to the lowest common denominator is that it sprinkles some fairly heavy social themes into the story and treats them respectfully. The obvious one is life after death, but from a sheep's perspective. Another good one is dealing with tragedy, though this one comes with an odd detail. The sheep can choose to literally forget things, which I don't recall being a stereotype of sheep. Several times in the film, the sheep decide they must forget bad things so they don't feel sad or other seemingly negative feelings. The forgetting doesn't play into the main plot, but the issue of coping with life events comes to a head late in the film and is dealt with really well.

I'm as surprised as you that this movie ended up so good and so adult. If you are skeptical because you also saw a preview, I promise you the preview does not do this movie justice. The mystery is fun, Jackman and Thompson give their usual great performances (with an assist from the very likable Braun), and the movie really is good for the entire family. And all on the idea of sheep detectives. Yes, I said sheep.

Rating: Worth your money for the entire family.

“Deadpool & Wolverine” - To say or not to say.

At the end of my Fall Guy review, I wrote “While there is still a load of movies left to see this year, I have a hard time believing any will be as entertaining as The Fall Guy (yes, I’m well aware Deadpool 3 is one of them).” To which Deadpool & Wolverine said “Let’s fucking go.” Literally, they both say that exact line in the movie. While Fall Guy is indeed an exceptionally entertaining movie, Deadpool & Wolverine absolutely wipes its dick(s) with it. What, too crude? What movie did you think you were going to read about? If that language is too much for you, you really, really shouldn’t see this film.

Obviously, I loved Deadpool & Wolverine. And I mean every single second of it. But that also presents a problem for me. Even for movies I gush over, I find plenty to write about without spoiling things. This time, there were so many times I gasped that I almost passed out from too much oxygen. But, that’s partly because I refused to watch any trailers, read any interviews, or even look up the cast. I’ve done all those things now that I’ve seen the film, so I at least can rest easy knowing certain elements have been public for a while. Here are few questions I can answer without ruining the myriad surprises.

This being the third Deadpool movie and an official MCU film, do I need to rewatch any Deadpool or MCU movies or series before watching Deadpool & Wolverine?

No, unless you have the memory of the guy in Memento. All you need is a vague understanding of the Time Variance Authority (TVA) from Loki and multiverse and that Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) and Deadpool’s (Ryan Reynolds) superpower is they heal to the point of being practically immortal.

Are you sure? The plots of MCU movies have gotten really convoluted lately.

Yes, I’m sure. Deadpool is trying to save his friends and timeline from being pruned out of existence by a TVA administrator called Mr. Paradox (Matthew Macfadyen).

That is simple. How does Wolverine fit in this picture?

All I will say is this is the first good surprise of the movie - masterful writing to make use of the multiverse. I will also say it’s tied to the previous X-men movies, which is obvious since Jackman is reprising the role of Wolverine. But I promise you don’t need to have seen any of the X-Men movies. This film provides the explainer.

Is Mr. Paradox the villain?

Yes, but not the only main villain. And the other one is deliciously portrayed by Emma Corrin.

You’re not even going to tell me Corrin’s character’s name?

Nope.

Is there a really fun opening title sequence?

Naturally. And it’s as funny and unique as the last two films’ openings.

Does it look like the actors are enjoying themselves?

Immensely. And not just Reynolds, Jackman, and Corrin, but every actor, even the ones that don’t have lines. Jackman, especially, looks like he is having the time of his life, delivering a Wolverine that cusses, kills, and banters every bit as good as Deadpool/Reynolds. The two of them together like this is easily as satisfying as Reynolds delivering a true Deadpool two movies ago.

I heard rumors that Taylor Swift, Blake Lively, Rob McElhenney, and dozens of other notables might be in the film. Any truth to those?

Ah, ah, ah. Some true, some false. I’m not even going to comment on the ones that were publicly confirmed. The only thing I will say is some are similar to what was done in Spider-Man: No Way Home. Others are from past projects that never made it through production.

I thought you said I wouldn’t have to do any homework before watching this movie.

You don’t. The references explain themselves. Plus, multiverse.

Is the movie as “blue” as the previous two, now that Disney owns the rights?

Yes, it’s still rated-R, and very “blue.” There are no sex scenes, but blood flies in buckets, almost as much as the word fuck. And the sexual jokes are varied, plentiful, and hilarious.

Do the fourth wall breaks still play well?

Do they ever. And nobody is safe from the Merc with the Mouth. Like John Oliver does to AT&T on Last Week Tonight, Deadpool slams Disney and Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige on more than one occasion. Multiple times, I was almost in tears I was laughing so hard.

Sounds like the movie is worth the watch. Where do you rank it in the franchise?

It might be the best of the three Deadpool movies and I realize what I’m saying. One critic at my screening said it was top five in the entire MCU.

Let’s fucking go!

I know.

(Rating) It goes without saying that I shouldn’t ask for any money back after watching it. But, should I see it in IMAX?

Abso-fucking-lutely and more than twice.