“The Addams Family 2” - Uhhhhhh....naaaaaaah.

When I was a kid, I loved watching reruns of the old Addams Family TV show. They made me laugh and I liked the spooky factor. As an adult, I cannot watch reruns of that show. They are terrible. And not terrible in the way of watching them through a 2021 prism, but objectively bad. And that’s not just my own opinion. The show was cancelled after just two seasons (though they still managed an astounding 64 episodes) because pretty much everyone thought it was bad. Unfortunately, the schlock that people quickly grew tired of was carried into the film remakes in the 1990s, then again in the animated remakes of the last couple years. Watching this latest entry in the franchise with my wife and son reminded me that the jokes just are not funny and that even kids tire quickly of the nonsense. But don’t take my word for it, take my son’s word for it.

How much of the first Addams Family do you remember?

Uhhhhh…..naaaaaah….well, some? I remember that Wednesday started school. In junior high.

Anything else?

Uhhhhh….naaaaaaah.

Is there anything from the first movie that you think you need to know for the sequel?

[Stares straight ahead] Naaaaaah.

What were you hoping to see in the sequel?

Creepier stuff. Like mystery. Like [sing the X-files theme]

After watching Addams Family 2, did it meet your expectations for creepy?

[Giggles. Shakes head]

How would you describe Addams Family 2, if not creepy and mysterious?

Well, it wasn’t like people screamed when they saw them. It seems like they screamed a lot when they saw the family…but only a few people actually screamed.

What was the main plot?

They go on a road trip and they’re trying to avoid having this lawyer trying to get Wednesday back to her original family.

Do you know what a subplot is?

[Shakes head]

Like a minor plot or other stories. Are there any other plots going on?

I don’t think so.

Are there any other Addams family members on the road trip with them?

I don’t know the name….like, the gramma. And she hosts parties for….two weeks? No, three weeks.

Okay so Gramma is not on the road trip, who IS on the road trip?

Everyone else.

Who is everyone else?

Pugsley, Wednesday, Gomez Addams, Tish Addams, lurch, Wednesday…oh, I already said that. Wasn’t there one more?

[holds up 3 fingers]

There’s 3 more?! [facepalm] Oh! It was Uncle Fester! And then I don’t remember his name, the hairy guy.

Cousin It.

Cousin it!

One more.

One more?! Oh! Thing!

So where did the family go on the road trip?

Across America.

Did they visit anywhere spooky?

Sleepy Hollow.

And?

Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls, Sleepy Hollow.

What was your favorite part of the road trip?

Well, they went to that guy’s house in California. The guy that tried to steal Wednesday.

But what was your favorite part of the road trip?

When Pugsley blew up the Grand Canyon.

Why was that your favorite part?

Because I like explosions.

Would you say the movie was more funny than anything else?

Uhhhh…naaaaah.

What part of the road trip do you think was the most boring part?

[stares…blinks…]

Let me put it this way, which part did you like the least?

When they went to Sleepy Hollow.

Why?

Because they just talked about….oh! the lion is also there!....They just sat around, telling stories.

If you could take a part out of the movie, what part or thing would it be? That you didn’t think needed to be there?

I feel like they didn’t need to do the Texas - oh! They went to Texas! And saw those motorcycle guys and they were at a bar, and Lurch was there too with Wednesday.

If you could add something to the movie, what would you add?

A few more places that they went.

Name one. Like, where would you make them go?

They could see the Great Lakes.

How would that fit in with the Addams Family?

[snarky and sassy] They went to NIAGARA FALLS, dad.

Is there anything spooky about the Great Lakes?

They’re huge…and with fresh water.

Would you make something be IN the lakes, like something spooky?

[whispers] Uncle Fester.

Why would he be in the lakes?

Because he’s a weird uncle and tries to be funny and….[trails off]

Who is your favorite character?

Pugsley. …NO! No no non onononono LURCH! [sighs]

I can’t think of any more questions.

[Mom from the other side of the room] Because it was a boring-ass movie.

Would you watch it again?

Uhhhh….naaaah.

Rating: If people go to the theater to see it, how much money should they ask for back?

I think they want back 2 dollars. I think the movie could have been a little better. Because there were no mysteries, no really spooky things. No [sings X-Files theme song]

“Tom and Jerry” - Sorry, grandpa.

Before we get to my son’s thoughts about Tom and Jerry, I’m going to weigh in a bit. When I was a kid, whenever we went to my grandparents’ house, we watched Tom and Jerry cartoons with my grandpa. It was the best part of the visit and I looked forward to it every time. Finding out they made a feature length Tom and Jerry movie made me wince and I am almost certain my grandpa rolled over in his grave. And to top it off, they made it a hybrid of animation and live action (think Space Jam and Who Framed Roger Rabbit?). Blech.

My friend put it perfectly right before we started watching it with our three kids - “I just hope it is watchable.” The kids seemed to like it, but they were purely entertained for the same reason I was when I was kid - Tom and Jerry smashing each other. For me, watchable is giving it too much credit. This was a terrible movie with terrible acting, terrible dialogue, and a terrible plot. It was painful watching Chole Grace Moretz crap her way through this movie as the lead actor. It was painful watching Michael Pena battle through a thankless, soulless, and decidedly unfunny role, the whole time clearly thinking “at least I was in two Marvel movies.” It was painful watching.

The good news is you don’t have sit in a theater with your kids and endure this heap. Due to the Covid-19 pandemic, Warner Brothers decided to release all of their 2021 films on HBO Max. So, you can just turn it on, give the kids some popcorn, and go do anything else for two hours. As I said, the kids seemed to like it. So, here is what my kid thought about it.

Have you ever seen a Tom and Jerry cartoon?

Yes. At Disney World at the Sci-Fi restaurant at Hollywood Studios.

Oh yeah. Did you think it was funny?

A little.

Since you were familiar with Tom and Jerry, what were you expecting from the movie?

I was expecting them to fight.

Were you right?

Yes. Definitely. I mean, obviously, it’s Tom and Jerry and they always fight.

What was the story in the movie?

Tom and Jerry. I don’t know how to explain. It’s Tom and Jerry. It’s basically a very long episode.

But there had to be a story more than Tom and Jerry fight.

So there’s this person who quit her job, then worked at this tower hotel in NYC next to Central Park.

Who was the person?

I forget her name, but I think it was like…I dunno. I forget her name.

Kayla?

Oh yeah. That’s what it was. Not like Terrance.

Does all of the movie take place in the hotel?

Yes. Well, most of it. Some of it takes place in Central Park.

What is happening in the hotel?

Chaos.

What kind of chaos?

Animal tornado.

What is an animal tornado?

It’s where Tom and Jerry go dun-nun-nun *rolling around on the floor* and it creates this tornado that sucks people in it?

What does Kayla have to do with Tom and Jerry?

Kayla helps Tom find the mouse, a.k.a. Jerry to stop having the chaos. But they still don’t get along because Jerry is a smart little fellow.

So the whole story is Kayla just trying to stop Tom and Jerry from fighting?

Uh huh. And there’s this one couple that is trying to marry in a giant ceremony and they got elephants. But Jerry is a mouse and elephants are afraid of mice, so bum-bum-bum. You never want to have something too fancy.

Was the whole movie animated?

Partially live action and partially animation. The animals were all animation, but the humans and New York City were live action.

Did you like that mix or would you prefer the whole movie be animated?

I would rather the whole be animated.

How would that make the movie better?

It would probably be the same because it would have all the same action and story.

What did you like about the movie?

I mean, I like Tom and Jerry. I like that they were in New York and I like the characters. The acting was a little *making a face* meh. Meh. Meh.

Besides the acting, is there anything else in the movie you didn’t like?

Not really.

What did you think of Michael Pena’s character, the hotel event manager? (The guy from Spider-Man).

He has some good lines. He’s one of the good actors in that movie.

Did he have any funny lines?

Nah. He doesn’t really have any funny lines.

Seems like kind of a waste.

Yeah, but at least he was a good character.

In summary, what did you think about the movie?

Pretty good. Some parts were, if the movie was this cup and it was the max, it would be at this line right here. So, like seventy or eighty percent.

Ha. Ok. Any last thing you want to say about it before the rating?

Uh. Kids would like it. I think little kids would laugh a lot if they watched it.

Rating: I would ask for four dollars back because it could have been a little better and I don’t know where the hotel came from. In the episodes, they were in a house.