“Snow White” - Still including all your favorite dwarves.

If you saw a preview of Snow White, you were probably as nervous as I was about seeing it. I saw what the CGI dwarves looked like and my thought was if the filmmakers were willing to make a bizarre choice like using CGI dwarves instead of actual human beings to portray the dwarves, what other bizarre creative choices might they have made?

As it turns out, they made quite a few more creative choices, though they all seemed to work out pretty well. With the exception of purists, who complain when even the tiniest details of things are changed, and who still hate baseball’s designated hitter (DH) with the fire of a thousand suns, people should find the changes to Snow White quite agreeable.

The major storylines are all still the same. After the death of both of her parents, Snow White (Rachel Zegler) lives with her stepmother, the Evil Queen (Gal Gadot). Since one of the changes the writers didn’t make was to give the Evil Queen a proper name - and I don’t want to type Evil Queen a bunch more times - I’m going to call her Barb. Barb is a bitch.

Barb is still obsessed with being the fairest one of all and makes her magic mirror reassure her of this every single day. Barb is also obsessed with shiny things and has hoarded the kingdom’s wealth all for herself, impoverishing the rest of her subjects. Barb has even turned Snow White into a castle servant and hidden her from the kingdom for years. Still, the mirror proclaims Barb to be the fairest of them all because she looks like Gal freaking Gadot.

One day, Barb’s guards catch a man named Jonathan (Andrew Burnap) stealing potatoes from the castle kitchens. Initially, Barb orders Jonathan executed, but Snow White pleads for mercy and that the punishment fit the crime. So, Barb takes Jonathan’s coat and shoes and has him tied to the castle gate to freeze to death. Since this punishment definitely does not fit the crime, Snow White sneaks out and frees Jonathan. Barb witnesses this and immediately asks the mirror who is the fairest of them all. Having just finished its daily Duolingo lesson and learning that the word fair has multiple definitions, the mirror informs Barb that Snow White is now the fairest of them all.

If you are paying attention, you’ll notice the Prince from the original movie has been replaced by Jonathan. Jonathan is not a prince. This small change may anger the DH-haters, but it doesn’t matter to the plot at all if Jonathan is a prince. Aladdin wasn’t a prince and nobody hated him. Well, nobody in the theater audience, at least. Jonathan is just a hungry street rat leading a small group of bandits who occasionally steal food from Barb. The result of Snow White freeing Jonathan is Barb ordering the Huntsman (Ansu Kabia) to take Snow White to the forest, kill Snow White, and bring Snow White’s heart back in a box. See? Story back on track.

And I mean really back on track. The forest animals lead Snow White to the seven dwarves’ cottage, where she falls asleep. Cut to the dwarves singing “Heigh Ho” and working in their mines…yada, yada, yada…they find Snow White in their cottage…yada, yada, yada...”Whistle While you Work”...poison apple...you know how this whole thing goes. The only differences are true love’s kiss and the fight with Barb happen in reverse order and the fight with Barb is completely reimagined, including Barb’s demise. And, of course Barb’s demise still happens. Barb is a bitch.

As you can see, all of the familiar plot points are there and accounted for. The familiar songs, all seven dwarves, the not-prince awakening Snow White with a kiss, the diamond mines, and even the friendly forest animals. In addition, the parts that received updates were almost all updated for the better. Snow White gets a chance to participate in reclaiming her family’s kingdom. The photorealistic animation of the animals is astoundingly excellent. There are some new songs that are quite good, including a new villain song called “All is Fair,” and my personal favorite - “Princess Problems.” You read that right. While Snow White is complaining, Jonathan is mocking her as having Princess Problems. Admit it, purists - you chuckled at least once during that song.

If there is anything to complain about (and some definitely did), it’s the appearance of the dwarves. They definitely inspire an uncanny valley feeling (a nearly-identical resemblance to humans, but just off enough to cause a sense of unease), especially the close-ups of Dopey, Happy, and Grumpy. I’m with the little people actors on this one. Why not just cast little people in the roles? If nothing else, it would have saved a ton of money on the CGI. That’s not to say the dwarves weren’t good characters in general, but who doesn’t love Peter Dinklage and Martin Klebba (Klebba at least got to voice Grumpy)?

All in all, Snow White is arguably the best live-action remake to date of a Disney animated feature. It was much better than I was expecting it to be and I enjoyed myself far more than I thought I would. I know there is a lot of controversy around this movie, but ignore all of that noise. Whether you are a purist or progressive, you’ll come out of the film more happy than grumpy.

Rating: Worth your money, even if you still hate the DH.

“The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes” - Cold as ice.

The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes is a prequel, set sixty-four years prior to the events of The Hunger Games. My biggest concern going into Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes was it would treat President Snow the way Anakin Skywalker or Maleficent were treated in their prequels. You know what I mean - an evil character given a backstory where they aren’t just misunderstood, but portrayed as outright pure goodness. Gross.

Young Coriolanus “Coryo” Snow (Tom Blyth) is most definitely not oozing with goodness. But, he’s also not pure evil yet. He’s eighteen years old, his family is broke, and the dean of his school hates him. He’s in survival mode and doing everything he can at school to earn a prestigious award that includes a handsome sum of money. That means he will be nice to who he needs to be nice to and undercut whomever stands in his way. He’s every bit the man we met in the first film.

Unfortunately, academy dean Casca Highbottom (Peter Dinklage) hates Coryo. It’s with no small amount of glee that Casca informs the entire class that the award will not be given to the best student this year. Instead, the top twenty-four students will serve as mentors to the tributes in the tenth annual Hunger Games and the prize winner will be the one whose tribute performs the best. Importantly, this does not necessarily mean the tribute that wins the games, but the one who is the most entertaining. At this point in time, the war with the districts is still fresh on the capital citizens’ minds and the games are not garnering good ratings. How’s that for first-world problems?

Due to obligatory screenwriting cliches, Snow is mentoring the District 12 girl, Lucy Gray Baird (Rachel Zegler). Like with Katniss, everyone assumes Lucy Gray will die early. During the reaping (the tribute selection ceremony), Lucy Gray shows more than a little defiance and, sensing an opportunity, Snow proposes to Head Gamemaker Volumnia Gaul (Viola Davis) that viewers be allowed to sponsor tributes by sending them supplies during the games. Snow then decides to meet Lucy Gray when she arrives in the capital in order to earn her trust, even jumping into the back of the truck with the tributes as they are transported to their holding cages. As Snow is using Lucy Gray to further his own plans, Gaul is doing the same with Snow to improve ratings for the games.

The movie is broken into three distinct parts (each has its own title card), each devoted to the evolution of Snow’s character. At first, Snow regards people from the district as little more than animals, so it’s easy for him to do what is necessary increase his chances of winning the prize. What Snow doesn’t count on is developing feelings for Lucy Gray. It starts as accepting her as a human being when she shows her spirit through defiance. Once in her company, he gains appreciation for her own cold calculations to survive. Once Lucy Gray is competing in the arena, Snow needs her to survive for reasons beyond his family’s survival. Eventually, this culminates with Snow confronting all of his conflicting feelings and forced to make choices. It’s a fantastic arc that ends where it needs to.

Not to be outdone, Lucy Gray is just as conflicted as Snow. She initially hates the capital citizens as much as Snow hates the district people, but she can’t help seeing the good in Snow. The two of them are quite the couple, both playing for their own survival while opening themselves up to each other and relying on each other. And the whole time, we are never certain which emotions are real and which are merely a facade for survival.

On top of the well-written character arcs of Lucy Gray and Snow, the actors themselves deliver fantastic performances filled with nuance and emotion. Zegler and Blyth are both perfectly cast, but there’s a great argument for the always on-point Davis as the star of this show (apologies to Dinklage, who was also very good). Gaul is a mix between Pennywise the Clown and a James Bond villain. She is obviously the origin of what would become the wild aesthetics and personal affectations adopted by the capital citizens in later years. But she is also frighteningly, yet subtly, logical in her discussions of the games with Snow. In short, she is a visual and mental nightmare.

The film also maintains the gritty and raw visuals of the original Hunger Games. The games themselves are as brutal as PG-13 allows and District 12 is as hellish as we remember. Even the capital is a terrifying spectacle, still recovering from the war, but also as a contrast to the districts. Everything we see augments the feeling the film is trying to convey - desperation and vengeance.

I’d like to thank director Francis Lawrence, screenwriters Michael Lesslie and Michael Arndt, and Hunger Games author Suzanne Collins for not pulling a George Lucas. Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes was much better than I was expecting and does justice to Snow as an origin story. We believe Snow is capable of becoming the President Snow everyone fears. And that is far more than we could say about Anakin Skywalker after The Phantom Menace, which was just gross.

Rating: Don’t ask for any money back, even if you have other first world problems.