tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15144251690201684062024-03-16T12:52:00.736-06:00Number9 Movie ReviewsKevin loves movies and has an opinion about them (without any film schooling).Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.comBlogger640125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-28642421305962054592024-02-29T19:40:00.004-07:002024-02-29T19:40:39.087-07:00“Dune: Part Two” - Sand-witches.<p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]--></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxGxto5cdy-8a3D7Wmu8RO0I-3rKYTDI0WwmmEHPP5XVj1zB7cLLQrehDnc7PGvwyebANb7E7QoVxnxYkviWlyLzZptiG7U6kK9wdeyuLajq-d5oQDgaPc2rTjspQM5gA1wDvwlJUq93Ab3OfCY3EpMYhbNKrRsKrpYG1HxblrCOXc3_0euponIJEgmWQ/s1288/Dune%20Part%20Two%20Poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1288" data-original-width="1033" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxGxto5cdy-8a3D7Wmu8RO0I-3rKYTDI0WwmmEHPP5XVj1zB7cLLQrehDnc7PGvwyebANb7E7QoVxnxYkviWlyLzZptiG7U6kK9wdeyuLajq-d5oQDgaPc2rTjspQM5gA1wDvwlJUq93Ab3OfCY3EpMYhbNKrRsKrpYG1HxblrCOXc3_0euponIJEgmWQ/s320/Dune%20Part%20Two%20Poster.png" width="257" /></a></div>It dawned on me that <i>Dune: Part 2</i> is the first of
two movies this year that will feature sandworms. I’m certain that <i>Dune:
Part 2</i> will be the better one, though that isn’t saying much considering
the second one is <i>Beetlejuice Beetlejuice</i>. No, that isn’t a typo, that’s
really the title. Apparently, whoever came up with that title isn’t aware that
it takes saying Beetlejuice three times to summon Beetlejuice. Or…they’re TOO
aware, and they know exactly what they’re doing. What was I saying? Oh yeah -
sandworms.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The moment in <i>Dune: Part Two</i> when Paul Attreides
(Timothee Chalamet) rides a sandworm for the first time made a light bulb go on
in my head - that filmmakers should have leaned into immersive sound rather
than 3-D visuals two decades ago. I don’t know if the particular theater I was
in just had the sound turned up to Marty McFly levels or if the seats were
somehow wired into the sound system, but it felt like I was riding the sandworm
alongside Paul. It was awesome and all theaters should do this. And it was like
that in other scenes, too. I could feel the chopping of the ornithopters blades
and the rumbling of the spice harvesters. It was everything 3-D was aiming for
without having to put an accessory on my face. I imagine the sound might cause
some queasiness and headaches for some people (just like with 3-D), but at
least the sandworm ride is worth puking for.</p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4fbzSW4YEQPPZf6ClagzmXf2S3jPsUqiJ2WJSQgEVeBMsDlmyB4_RChNRlOyBkhkabN1nGyayk4V4vDy_UwRpv2sd5MaISvfS-rJOM3hVYNw6Xag1ukAkxHwtO-3msjqyJUkDPoxpYCEVFNzwdLaYSaVxiaVyqPhp2arUKCNDCggvSSklYuDJ-3se1S4/s2386/Dune%20Part%20Two%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1254" data-original-width="2386" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4fbzSW4YEQPPZf6ClagzmXf2S3jPsUqiJ2WJSQgEVeBMsDlmyB4_RChNRlOyBkhkabN1nGyayk4V4vDy_UwRpv2sd5MaISvfS-rJOM3hVYNw6Xag1ukAkxHwtO-3msjqyJUkDPoxpYCEVFNzwdLaYSaVxiaVyqPhp2arUKCNDCggvSSklYuDJ-3se1S4/s320/Dune%20Part%20Two%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">As for the rest of the movie, it was just awesome. When
we last saw Paul at the end of <i>Part One</i>, he was...um, in the desert with
Chani (Zendaya). That was honestly all I could remember when <i>Part Two</i>
started and my mind was racing to try to recall more details. Luckily, Princess
Irulan (Florence Pugh) journals. Reading as she writes, she helpfully recalls
the events of <i>Part One</i> and in an organic way rather than the film lazily
splashing title cards up during the opening. Director Denis Villeneuve was
definitely paying attention during film class.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">As we open <i>Part Two</i>, the Harkonnen’s now control
the planet Arrakis and its unique resource, melange (spice). Glossu Harkonnen
(Dave Bautista) governs the planet and is trying to stop the constant Fremen
raids that interrupt spice production. Paul and his mother Jessica (Rebecca
Ferguson) live among the desert Fremen people. Paul assists with raids and
Jessica manipulates the Fremen into seeing Paul as a prophesied savior. Jessica
is also pregnant with a girl that she literally talks with throughout the film.
If you didn’t already think this movie was weird, wait until you see a bunch of
shots of a fetus in-utero.</p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh1ejFfTnsmSBOhclrIZHrodZXe_ojg5lG0lQrua3GMNdp06zJ63Un9H2Dbk5lYlmd_qfvhNlgcmbojZczaLnC65chFYDJMTXGD9k38cQ2fM9pf11_nDLZPcRMrnz0hkW4AXn0srmTvjfO6Nr6vbNLJ84iNEezVFn1AGe9tQ94_6RETd0Qev8eVG1-R8w/s2257/Dune%20Part%20Two%201.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1293" data-original-width="2257" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh1ejFfTnsmSBOhclrIZHrodZXe_ojg5lG0lQrua3GMNdp06zJ63Un9H2Dbk5lYlmd_qfvhNlgcmbojZczaLnC65chFYDJMTXGD9k38cQ2fM9pf11_nDLZPcRMrnz0hkW4AXn0srmTvjfO6Nr6vbNLJ84iNEezVFn1AGe9tQ94_6RETd0Qev8eVG1-R8w/s320/Dune%20Part%20Two%201.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />That is basically the movie. At a nearly three-hour
runtime, that might sound a bit long and boring, but the excellent pacing and
phenomenal cinematography make the film seem brisk. And don’t underestimate the
intrigue of the story. <i>Dune</i> is <i>Game of Thrones</i> in space, with
some <i>Gladiator</i> thrown in. Families jockeying for control where one
family is seemingly benevolent while another is ruthless and cunning. On top of
that, there is a religious sect quietly manipulating events; in <i>Dune</i>’s
case, they are the Bene Gesserit (including Jessica), a group comprised
entirely of women and talk in the ways of magic. You know...witches.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Speaking of witch...Jessica is my favorite character.
Among an amazing cast of actors all nailing their performances, Ferguson tops
them all. Through two films, Jessica has gone from devoted wife and meek member
of the witch order to a kingmaker, a leader, and person whose eyes contain an
intensity that would make a sandworm flee in terror. <i>Part One</i> kept her
somewhat subdued, only hinting at her power, intelligence, and maybe even
possible malice. <i>Part Two</i> has those things on full display, including a
telepathic stare-down with the head Bene Gesserit reverend mother, Gaius
(Charlotte Rampling), where Jessica taunts Gaius with her and Paul’s success.</p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwinmxFXDSsvL1QGz0NxxnJephECezTxibtBUSQJ70pDGmUi5r_N2UDs84x45cC2JznBqtKHxTqxjVzQZA4C8vJV0qDld9bA7QpGhKFY_A3CgmpE3VU5NLMttTwj2rP4IK1MeRuhfmWJUn2qQyCjSDMU36rFXejY4VxYGXf4WAZa41Uv5Ec5akgaJmqlI/s2391/Dune%20Part%20Two%202.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="997" data-original-width="2391" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwinmxFXDSsvL1QGz0NxxnJephECezTxibtBUSQJ70pDGmUi5r_N2UDs84x45cC2JznBqtKHxTqxjVzQZA4C8vJV0qDld9bA7QpGhKFY_A3CgmpE3VU5NLMttTwj2rP4IK1MeRuhfmWJUn2qQyCjSDMU36rFXejY4VxYGXf4WAZa41Uv5Ec5akgaJmqlI/s320/Dune%20Part%20Two%202.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The twist in the overarching story is that Jessica has
been secretly training Paul in the ways of the Bene Gesserit (which we also saw
in <i>Part One</i>). Paul’s additional abilities allow him to gain the trust of
the Fremen, including tribal leader Stilgar (Javier Bardem), and aid in his
abilities to do things that should kill him. All of this comes to a crescendo
involving another Harkonnen son, Feyd-Rautha (Austin Butler).</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The results of this training allow Chalamet to finally
explore and portray the multi-faceted Paul. Like Jessica, Paul starts out as
the good son to his father, doing everything a prince is supposed to do, only
to later morph into a potential god-king. Chalamet exudes every bit of those
facets in Paul, as well as inheriting and exhibiting his mother’s
dagger-staring eyes. It’s chilling and awe-inspiring to see two actors so able
to convey emotions with nothing more than facial expressions.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The only criticism I have of <i>Part Two</i> is that it’s
such an amazing watch that I’m annoyed I have to wait for <i>Part 3</i> (<i>Messiah</i>).
While <i>Part Two</i> completes the adaptation of Frank Herbert’s original
novel, the film (like the book) leaves subplots unresolved, tantalizing us with
what’s to come. Just like the three-year wait for <i>Part Two</i>, it’ll be a
long, hard wait. But it’ll be worth it to see, and maybe even feel, more death
glares from Jessica.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Rating: Worth double the cost of the </b><a href="https://www.ign.com/articles/heres-what-its-like-to-buy-and-actually-eat-popcorn-from-the-dune-2-popcorn-bucket"><b>amazing
<i>Dune </i>popcorn bucket</b></a><b> you simply cannot pass up.<i></i></b></p>
Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-4146773823193597762024-02-22T20:20:00.000-07:002024-02-22T20:20:19.883-07:00 “Drive-Away Dolls” - Rated I for immature.<p class="MsoNoSpacing"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIcNmwugeldDH1nZ9AuPtHw18bfV2U8jNaBbXAUPhhgvkgUI-ZdzCh0DH-u4UI42TIBA65Wj6aGU0VDTY2y7C38l1dJNKC_EJI7ccxQkhckqAsXe58H9ePHZlqwWT7YpT9LumfsKoO_NmXwGinBvleaYZLFPo_UtCNcBTlgbYSZq0ttBQO0bix4AhLdV0/s1299/Drive-Away%20Dolls%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1299" data-original-width="876" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIcNmwugeldDH1nZ9AuPtHw18bfV2U8jNaBbXAUPhhgvkgUI-ZdzCh0DH-u4UI42TIBA65Wj6aGU0VDTY2y7C38l1dJNKC_EJI7ccxQkhckqAsXe58H9ePHZlqwWT7YpT9LumfsKoO_NmXwGinBvleaYZLFPo_UtCNcBTlgbYSZq0ttBQO0bix4AhLdV0/s320/Drive-Away%20Dolls%20poster.png" width="216" /></a></div>The Coen brothers (Ethan and Joel) are known for their
quirky, darkly comedic movies. Perhaps more than that, they are known for
making movies as a pair. While they don’t make blockbuster type films, you have
probably seen at least one of their films and remember something specific about
that film. A dude in a bowling alley, Brad Pitt doing a funny dance, Javier
Bardem’s bolt pistol, “Man of Constant Sorrow,” a wood chipper. I don’t know
about you, but I’ve often wondered which Coen thought up which elements in
their films. Now that Ethan has gone off on his own with his solo debut of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Drive-Away Dolls</i>, I think I know the
answer.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The synopsis for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Drive-Away
Dolls</i> is “In search of a fresh start, two women embark on an impromptu road
trip to Tallahassee, Florida. However, things quickly go awry when they cross
paths with a group of inept criminals along the way.” Those are certainly words
in a sentence and a couple of them even accurately summarize the film. Two
women, Jamie (Margaret Qualley) and Marian (Geraldine Viswanathan), do indeed
go on a road trip to Tallahassee. But they are not searching for a fresh start,
it isn’t impromptu, and it doesn’t go awry because of inept criminals. Oh - and
Jamie and Margaret are lesbians that do lesbian things. Let’s try that synopsis
again - “Ethan Coen’s horny 14-year-old boy fantasy of what lesbians do and
also throw in some goofy criminals to make it feel more Coen-y.” There. Fixed
it.</p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxKsm4jictVA4hBbAttfy5vn5wY5f5gpZVhHQ3Jh7XuEDa0W4U9PlaZsQWlxM0ZtF-rY346Vb95bZ8pu4HcaEduFRJ3e3Ggr81xETekaPhFCZ0sADoHH6RiYP2SHITkrijlCk5IODCy8vJ3XtcUvDWKYJe0BVi-KesL2PU3tYuTutZhr691C2ePNGf6Dw/s2386/Drive-Away%20Dolls%202.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1296" data-original-width="2386" height="174" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxKsm4jictVA4hBbAttfy5vn5wY5f5gpZVhHQ3Jh7XuEDa0W4U9PlaZsQWlxM0ZtF-rY346Vb95bZ8pu4HcaEduFRJ3e3Ggr81xETekaPhFCZ0sADoHH6RiYP2SHITkrijlCk5IODCy8vJ3XtcUvDWKYJe0BVi-KesL2PU3tYuTutZhr691C2ePNGf6Dw/s320/Drive-Away%20Dolls%202.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">I’m confident now that Ethan is the mastermind behind
such Coen movie elements as the wood chipper scene in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fargo</i>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Drive-Away Dolls</i>
opens with a similarly grisly scene involving a cork-screw, a knife, two
thumbs, and Pedro Pascal. Santos (Pascal) is supposed to be meeting someone at
a restaurant and is clutching a silver briefcase like it contains whatever was
in Marcellus Wallace’s briefcase in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Pulp
Fiction</i>. That someone is a no-show and Pascal ends up trapped in an alley
by the restaurant’s cook and his utensils. This scene appeared to be setting
the tone of the film and my curiosity was piqued.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The next scene opens with a woman screaming in ecstasy,
her large breasts filling the screen. A phone rings and Jamie’s head emerges
from between the woman’s legs. I’m not trying to be gratuitous here, but Ethan
Coen sure seemed to be. Remember, these two scenes are how this film begins.
That’s not to say the scenes don’t have a purpose. The briefcase is the
MacGuffin of the film, instantly becoming the only thing the audience is cares
about. We have to know what’s in the briefcase. And what better way is there to
distract the audience from that thought than boobs and oral sex? Seriously,
what’s in that case?</p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNBrje6D83EFUYacQf3NUQ4ijb0NYUpNl3ouhY4p07nC0JCANnFp5wtvzyN8yHnglaO54j7PZ8gbEXFoI2G3Fo5M72TUrsyY7NASXzAzSpwwdzcwvjnR8qZqMQK792z6VOuriCGb1VgBeDU3SUF5XpyX3JlqlpANy1IrWvxaT98GmVDzmqpT0iq5PVSJE/s2389/Drive-Away%20Dolls%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1287" data-original-width="2389" height="172" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNBrje6D83EFUYacQf3NUQ4ijb0NYUpNl3ouhY4p07nC0JCANnFp5wtvzyN8yHnglaO54j7PZ8gbEXFoI2G3Fo5M72TUrsyY7NASXzAzSpwwdzcwvjnR8qZqMQK792z6VOuriCGb1VgBeDU3SUF5XpyX3JlqlpANy1IrWvxaT98GmVDzmqpT0iq5PVSJE/s320/Drive-Away%20Dolls%203.png" width="320" /></a> <br /></div><p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The movie then stumbles into its premise. Jamie’s
girlfriend Sukie (Beanie Feldstein) - who isn’t the screaming breasts we saw -
breaks up with her over Jamie’s promiscuity, so Jamie hijacks her friend
Marian’s planned road trip to visit Marian’s aunt. Jamie tells her about a
service called drive-away, where they can pay to drive a car to a destination
for a third-party. Is this a real thing? I don’t know. What’s in the briefcase?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">As is typical of Coen flicks, a mix-up occurs and a trio
of heavies (Colman Domingo, Joey Slotnick, C.J. Wilson) sets about tracking
down the girls in order to recover the case (which is in the trunk of the car
for...reasons). And, as is also typical of Coen flicks, some of the characters
have diarrhea of the mouth. The only time Jamie stops talking is when someone
else’s body part is in her mouth. Not to be outdone, one of the heavies, Arliss
(Slotnick), spends the entire film berating his partner Flint (Wilson) and
arguing at him (Flint rarely says a word). While there are some funny lines of
dialogue, they are mostly surrounded by rambling. Just because something isn’t
naked or bleeding, doesn’t mean it’s not gratuitous.</p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBgf-_rrwtnYjRv0122sifSgQozQpvwBy1YrIqQigI5FUfJWPHR9yHp-15JbT23sWSrq_ImwNDPR5PYIrveAKZEQZFhUVvP5zg_BiQt3s-mUekplnzCFVBbZTVRpth-QX0JRl6sOrOb49J-wSTTTv5a8f1M6k17v6VnYQ9pJy0TySRW3UAhkRiy2wzxXU/s2310/Drive-Away%20Dolls%201.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1300" data-original-width="2310" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBgf-_rrwtnYjRv0122sifSgQozQpvwBy1YrIqQigI5FUfJWPHR9yHp-15JbT23sWSrq_ImwNDPR5PYIrveAKZEQZFhUVvP5zg_BiQt3s-mUekplnzCFVBbZTVRpth-QX0JRl6sOrOb49J-wSTTTv5a8f1M6k17v6VnYQ9pJy0TySRW3UAhkRiy2wzxXU/s320/Drive-Away%20Dolls%201.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Speaking of which, are lesbians obsessed with penises? Do
they all have at least two dildos in their homes? Do they have make-out parties
in their basements with each other? Do they invite other random girls they meet
in road-side diners to these make-out parties? Did Ethan Coen watch a porno and
think it was non-fiction? Judging by <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Drive-Away
Dolls</i>, Coen did and they do. But they don’t have pillow fights in their
underwear. Let’s not get carried away.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">If this review seems a little bit all over the place,
that’s how the movie felt. It’s about a couple of guys trying to retrieve a
briefcase with something valuable in it...unless it’s really about two girls
discovering their feelings for each other because Jamie decided her purpose in
life was to get Marian laid (this is seriously Jamie’s goal for the first two
acts of the movie). At one moment, the lead heavy, Chief (Domingo), is ordering
Flint and Arliss to go to a new location, the next moment Marian is being
arrested for walking at night. And if you were hoping for a generous amount of
screen time for Matt Damon and Pedro Pascal, keep hoping because they are in
the movie for about thirty seconds. The only real conclusion I can draw from
this film is that Joel Coen is the mature brother and keeps Ethan in check when
they are working together. If Joel were involved in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Drive-Away Dolls</i>, I think the contents of the briefcase would have
been very different.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Rating: Ask for
eight dollars back and for Ethan to grow up a little.</b></p>
Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-79475048780617683782024-02-03T16:09:00.004-07:002024-02-03T16:09:40.454-07:00“Argylle” - The Cat in the Pack.<p><i></i></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1eePrO6HMXNOOTOmFhyphenhyphenmAnmBSym7ziNPBG5UIxF0ZjbhJDImRSOJgakB5SOPyTpv30cNGp6dlGUox-RbWpNly-G2j3qpgOagDWeSRCXA8V44TdBUfFgzkhIFYPoxvk-OIsvFaqvm5wHg6Km3jKUGr6-VLMYQlr4y0o1oiB4gVRds4AQuhiHQTtCz5jbw/s883/Argylle%20poster%202.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="883" data-original-width="560" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1eePrO6HMXNOOTOmFhyphenhyphenmAnmBSym7ziNPBG5UIxF0ZjbhJDImRSOJgakB5SOPyTpv30cNGp6dlGUox-RbWpNly-G2j3qpgOagDWeSRCXA8V44TdBUfFgzkhIFYPoxvk-OIsvFaqvm5wHg6Km3jKUGr6-VLMYQlr4y0o1oiB4gVRds4AQuhiHQTtCz5jbw/s320/Argylle%20poster%202.png" width="203" /></a></i></div><i>There are many right and wrong ways to write a
screenplay. Here is the way Argylle was probably written, complete with
director’s notes (in this case, Matthew Vaughn or MV here) and SPOILERS.</i> <p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Title: Not Another Kingsman Movie.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: I see what you did there. We’re doing another
quasi-spoof spy movie that isn’t Kingsman. Har-har.</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Title: Argylle<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Screenplay by: Jason Fuchs</b><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: I mean, it’s not NOT another Kingsman Movie. I’ll
explain later.</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Premise: Spy novelist Elly Conway is caught up in a
real-life spy thriller that mirrors her books.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: We need a hook. This premise has been done before.
I know this because I finally got around to watching </i>The Lost City<i>. I
wonder if we can get Sandra Bullock to play Elly?</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Movie Poster: Features a backpack with a cat in it.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: Great hook. People love cat videos and the cat
will be the lynchpin of the entire movie.</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Note to MV when he reads this: The cat has nothing to
do with the plot. It’s not even named Argylle, which is what people will think
when they see the poster. The cat is just going to be the butt of a few jokes,
at least one of which might be funny and several of which will be based on the
fact that the cat is still there.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: Sooo...the cat isn’t a spy? Or a bomb? Or some
kind of gadget?</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>*Sigh*</b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlSypdvmMOOuBr2U_AApSMUpW7k2_qKPg8oqafCbWcydLAIkUhw5BYb_kvPbHCnGqXTMTbRLqlRtL751LlVkyiQIXrMs68V3S4oFowaK5lWx4puqkLU7VhP_egymgFB2vNn-A-fXm2vbyBfPmaGAOzuCu4Qvfr5psI9xIYoGDVcQzq7OQxZYhHfrZ2g1Y/s1333/Argylle%202.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="885" data-original-width="1333" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlSypdvmMOOuBr2U_AApSMUpW7k2_qKPg8oqafCbWcydLAIkUhw5BYb_kvPbHCnGqXTMTbRLqlRtL751LlVkyiQIXrMs68V3S4oFowaK5lWx4puqkLU7VhP_egymgFB2vNn-A-fXm2vbyBfPmaGAOzuCu4Qvfr5psI9xIYoGDVcQzq7OQxZYhHfrZ2g1Y/s320/Argylle%202.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>PROLOGUE.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Undercover, Secret Agent Argylle enters a club in
Greece. He walks to the table where Lagrange sits. Lagrange is wearing a
cocktail dress that leaves little to the imagination, distracting Argylle’s
attention. <Insert cheesy dialogue that leads to them dancing>. They
dance.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: I imagine Argylle as Henry Cavill. He has John
Travolta’s hair from </i>Face/Off<i> and </i>Broken Arrow<i>, but taller,
flatter, and more pointy. Like he could cut glass by tilting his forehead
forward.</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Lagrange knows Argylle is really a spy and everyone in
the club points a gun at Argylle. Argylle’s tech gal Keira helps him escape and
defeat the crew, but Lagrange escapes. Chase scene ensues. Argylle’s other
partner Wyatt thwarts Lagrange and the three sit down for a chat.</b><i><o:p></o:p></i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: What if, and I’m just spit-balling here, Wyatt is
played by John Cena and he literally lifts Lagrange off a speeding motorcycle
as she tries to speed by? And he’ll just hold her there dangling for a minute
because he’s John Cena and the audience will know it’s THAT kind of movie.</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>ACT I<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Fade to black and crosscut to a bookstore where a
crowd applauds Elly as she finishes reading an excerpt from her latest spy
novel, Argylle.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: Ooohhh! Super early twist. Me likey.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfJTqNScEPwCXUZofMW-gcf7iW7WDamqTI4My1P5vJDCObW7doV8R7bC2PkiXyxdfCgqaWOoX05OASMO_dC-zV5O1uAVlNf_Da0wJ3qHV4WdK9tOd4ar9LowaN55T8qlMf6hpttABxdus3gpq4a0oWp7GwTeyEETrKNZFVEWvHCjq0viwH57XXy1Nx9FI/s1328/Argylle%201.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="883" data-original-width="1328" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfJTqNScEPwCXUZofMW-gcf7iW7WDamqTI4My1P5vJDCObW7doV8R7bC2PkiXyxdfCgqaWOoX05OASMO_dC-zV5O1uAVlNf_Da0wJ3qHV4WdK9tOd4ar9LowaN55T8qlMf6hpttABxdus3gpq4a0oWp7GwTeyEETrKNZFVEWvHCjq0viwH57XXy1Nx9FI/s320/Argylle%201.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Ten minutes of filler establishing Elly is a recluse
living in a mountain cabin, loves her cat, and is putting the finishing touches
on her upcoming fifth Argylle book.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: Sandra Bullock won’t return my calls.</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Elly hops on a train to Denver to go to her parent’s
house to work out the ending of her book. Her mom did not like the ending. A
man, Aidan, sits down across from Elly. Before she knows it, Aidan says he’s a
spy and is battling a bunch of people he labels the bad guys. Action scene
ensues. Elly is freaking out, but also literally imagining Aidan is Argylle.
Elly’s cat is there, too, in her backpack. They escape and board a private jet
to London.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: You get me. We’ll shift between Aidan and Argylle
while the fight is happening. Argylle will smirk and wink and suave while
fighting it out. Elly will be confused. I’ll get Sam Rockwell to be Aidan. He
is the opposite of Henry Cavill in the muscle and hair department.</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Next scene. Aidan explains that Elly’s books have
predicted the spy world’s future and everyone, good and bad, has been
monitoring her as she writes her next book. “Tell me where the <insert
MacGuffin> is to take down THE DIVISION.” They land in London, Elly puzzles
out their next location, they find a clue there, another shootout ensues. Elly
suspects a double-cross.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: The Division. What a great name for an evil
organization. The Division. I just like saying it. The Division.</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Note to MV when he reads this: Stop saying The
Division.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: Sorry. Let’s get Bryan Cranston to be the evil
mastermind in charge of The Division. We’ll call him Ritter. And another twist
with the double-cross. Love it. LOVE. IT.</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>ACT II<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>More twists. More action. More exposition. Everyone’s
a spy! Aidan isn’t double-crossing Elly, he just wants his soulmate (and spy
partner), back. Cat still there.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: I can’t believe Sandra Bullock gave me a fake
phone number. Good thing I just watched </i>The Help<i> and </i>Jurassic World<i>
back-to-back. Like sane people do. Watching Bryce Dallas Howard kick off her
heels and tie her shirt in a knot is more than enough to convince me she is
believable as an action star. This won’t be like that time we thought Kristen
Stewart could be a Charlie’s Angel (probably).</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Elly remembers where <insert MacGuffin> is.
Alfred Solomon (Aidan’s boss) says “time to dress the part” and sends them to
see “The Keeper of Secrets.” Dun. Dun. Dun!<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: Weird tonal shift in Jason Fuchs’ screenplay. If I
hadn’t read Jason’s screenplay for the original Nickelodeon movie </i>Rags<i>,
I’d almost think Jason is a crazed AI.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5mww0jrXQ_uUU0OCHw771vc8MJ40JRJgMcJRS7KJZZd1pzcIAogh_CDYH4vOSY8ftZQ8etkFGfQIjVWv4zRXUWY7TiBITx6sAycfH0c_IVrJUEpQW6f6lhBhMMgWB4QkskG7yZVrrpuufri15viyTidI-VjKUzVf9nI92xC60SQhCU0rd-UU6gL-Ar-Q/s1586/Argylle%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="663" data-original-width="1586" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5mww0jrXQ_uUU0OCHw771vc8MJ40JRJgMcJRS7KJZZd1pzcIAogh_CDYH4vOSY8ftZQ8etkFGfQIjVWv4zRXUWY7TiBITx6sAycfH0c_IVrJUEpQW6f6lhBhMMgWB4QkskG7yZVrrpuufri15viyTidI-VjKUzVf9nI92xC60SQhCU0rd-UU6gL-Ar-Q/s320/Argylle%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>ACT III<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Ritter’s secret headquarters is an oil tanker.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: That’s odd. How did Jason know I wanted to name
the villain Ritter? Jason, are you an AI?</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Squirrel!<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: Where?!</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Rit...I mean, evil villain tortures Aidan for location
of Alfred. Villain has Elly’s cat in his office. Elly shoots Aidan. Three more
twists. Shootout in belly of tanker. Elly ice skates on floor covered in oil,
killing every henchman as she zooms and twirls.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: LOVE!! IT!!</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>If you love that, how about mashing in a scene where
Aidan and Elly do a dance number in a corridor filled with a menagerie of
different colored smoke while killing a bunch of henchmen?<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: You really do get me, Jason.</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>It’s J-AI-son.</b><i><o:p></o:p></i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: Sorry.</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Climax featuring final battle and one more twist. And
cat.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: Did we forget about that whole juxtaposing the
characters from Elly’s book over the real characters? I feel like that was a
really fun story device. Is that the final twist?</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Squirrel!</b><i><o:p></o:p></i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: Where?</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>The End.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>MV: Add a mid-credit scene that is definitely not
related to The Kingsman. *snickers*</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Rating: Ask for all of your money back and for
screenplays to always be written by humans.<o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-67257677469294744912024-01-16T19:23:00.002-07:002024-01-16T19:23:20.476-07:00“The Beekeeper” - Call of Duty.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6rppEeQXDyLrZq83EJRX5_wSVvTq9-MZ-vWi_de0ia58YtREY1nJ-3dWonZurLIhdVxtzzi6bQd2g23eipS_7kzU644287O_c1MuY44r8K5qnoQ8voHbXVZ_6ZXYhRt0obm50wic1wnvpzoH1XLiXo95JDC69UnMr6K7G3g1aFd81w8xe3G0kX0tuYpo/s886/The%20Beekeeper%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="886" data-original-width="597" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6rppEeQXDyLrZq83EJRX5_wSVvTq9-MZ-vWi_de0ia58YtREY1nJ-3dWonZurLIhdVxtzzi6bQd2g23eipS_7kzU644287O_c1MuY44r8K5qnoQ8voHbXVZ_6ZXYhRt0obm50wic1wnvpzoH1XLiXo95JDC69UnMr6K7G3g1aFd81w8xe3G0kX0tuYpo/s320/The%20Beekeeper%20poster.png" width="216" /></a></div>The thing I love about January action movies is
recognizing how little care is put into them. That isn’t me being mean. Imagine
a writer is pitching an action movie and they non-sarcastically say the word
Beekeeper. After doing a spit take, the studio executive is going to
immediately think two things. One - January. Two - Liam Neeson, Gerard Butler,
or Jason Statham. Meanwhile, the studio executive is also going to notice
laughter, but it’ll take about thirty seconds for them to realize they are the
one laughing.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Adam Clay (Statham) is a retired assassin, working as a
beekeeper and renting a garage from retired schoolteacher Eloise Parker
(Phylicia Rashad). While working on her finances one day, Eloise’s computer
pops up a window that says her computer is infected and needs to update her
anti-virus software. Unfortunately, Eloise is a cliched old lady, so of course
she doesn’t recognize this very obvious scam. Eloise calls the phone number on
the screen and a couple minutes later a bank account she manages for a charity is
relieved of over $2 million. Later that night, Adam comes up to the house to
give her a jar of honey and finds Eloise has committed suicide.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC_n2h28wk15arBsLMZbD27V9gXktU1kVy_8IqRb9nnWoy6_s5LIJPqdalmFMLejyYU_qhGYHZ6kT0RSm8NsTHa70bPBewHc0bm_EcBX3LOngrx-IcuGQr-c6K1mD1n1Jr9OMAWvwxC1kfy1dbL7BmVIYjHV-d4MYvg6I7j4nVQEpsxIUPmWNLZzjvZX8/s1074/The%20Beekeeper%202.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="715" data-original-width="1074" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC_n2h28wk15arBsLMZbD27V9gXktU1kVy_8IqRb9nnWoy6_s5LIJPqdalmFMLejyYU_qhGYHZ6kT0RSm8NsTHa70bPBewHc0bm_EcBX3LOngrx-IcuGQr-c6K1mD1n1Jr9OMAWvwxC1kfy1dbL7BmVIYjHV-d4MYvg6I7j4nVQEpsxIUPmWNLZzjvZX8/s320/The%20Beekeeper%202.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">While I can accept Eloise not pausing the phone call to
consult with Adam (she clearly wants to, glancing at him through the window a
dozen times), I cannot accept Eloise putting a bullet in her head mere hours
later without at least telling Adam what happened. Eloise’s decision becomes
even more nonsensical when we learn her daughter Verona (Emmy Raver-Lampman) is
an FBI agent who investigates cybercrimes. But this is a January movie, so
we’re going with whatever was the first draft.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">On that topic, that first draft of this movie from the
screenwriter only includes one more sentence after Eloise’s death - “Combine <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">John Wick</i>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Enemy of the State</i>, and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">24</i>.”
Adam is going to avenge Eloise’s death by taking down the cybercrime operation
and killing anyone that stands between him and its boss. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">John Wick</i> - check. The criminals are using top secret government
spy software to infect people’s computers, software given to them by a former
high-level official. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Enemy of the State</i>
- check. Involve the President of the United States (Jemma Redgrave) and make
her good or bad (pick one, it doesn’t really matter). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">24</i> - check.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi09biCSjzEq7f_2ZazI1KhnB_bAv90_UN5_mXYS7PTp1Y5wLJQltr1hvWygYJDfN_rgYTHmBsusJG404PCFetfINKoncn84o-VOVOx55t0I9Qy7HQeLL0M_6682dgmkP5UqKceDoW8vNaWUJ7iQsyydSrbTPZ3qddbG1O7mUSdW6giNiNQx0Aw17uuxNY/s1076/The%20Beekeeper%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="716" data-original-width="1076" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi09biCSjzEq7f_2ZazI1KhnB_bAv90_UN5_mXYS7PTp1Y5wLJQltr1hvWygYJDfN_rgYTHmBsusJG404PCFetfINKoncn84o-VOVOx55t0I9Qy7HQeLL0M_6682dgmkP5UqKceDoW8vNaWUJ7iQsyydSrbTPZ3qddbG1O7mUSdW6giNiNQx0Aw17uuxNY/s320/The%20Beekeeper%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">One way you can tell how bad is the writing is by the
number of times the word “beekeeper” is spoken and how often they’ll reference
bees. At multiple points, Agent Parker will literally read from a beekeeping
manual. Even her partner, Agent Wiley (Bobby Naderi), will snap at her, but I’m
not convinced he’s only tired of the bee talk. Raver-Lampman’s dialogue
throughout the film is different flavors of garbage and Naderi delivers every
one of his lines dripping with sarcasm that is clearly in partial protest for
having to hear that garbage. I laughed every time he spoke because I saw what
he was doing.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Speaking of garbage, the rest of the characters seemed to
have been pulled from a landfill. There are two assassins that Adam must deal
with that are like mini-bosses in a video game. They are not developed beyond
their appearance and one of them doesn’t even get any lines unless screaming
counts as dialogue. And in this film, it kind of does.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Then, there is former CIA director Wallace Westwyld
(Jeremy Irons), whose name I did not make up. He runs President Danforth’s
business and is also tasked with keeping her idiot son Derek (Josh Hutcherson)
out of jail. Irons is just going through the motions, except when he decides to
chew up scenery explaining the Beekeeper program (an off-the-books, clandestine
assassin program charged with protecting country at all costs) to a bunch of
mercenaries, including that they will probably all die. On the flip side,
Hutcherson is chewing up every scene he gets, knowing full well his character
is little more than a line of cocaine.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXt3EUb0F9kl6v2BXEZZHT1fAI0r5ANhy6bpLOQRwvfnDUUGe0lULkA8lyGtK9da-SkbV1t-5dxaZKidNDTvsprnOR6gbpjVLrVlzJeuBGjFC-Usppn5J0bjrg31zLXd2Az8XA3oe-I2B50Q8F3U-_CVKZSZxcqVoEmV_QmUAC5FU_c-2D1QxvdcYVM8M/s1077/The%20Beekeeper%201.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="717" data-original-width="1077" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXt3EUb0F9kl6v2BXEZZHT1fAI0r5ANhy6bpLOQRwvfnDUUGe0lULkA8lyGtK9da-SkbV1t-5dxaZKidNDTvsprnOR6gbpjVLrVlzJeuBGjFC-Usppn5J0bjrg31zLXd2Az8XA3oe-I2B50Q8F3U-_CVKZSZxcqVoEmV_QmUAC5FU_c-2D1QxvdcYVM8M/s320/The%20Beekeeper%201.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Finally, there is President Danforth, a spectacularly
poorly written character. She is talked about by other characters as being just
short of a supervillain and definitely corrupt, yet the climax would have you
believe otherwise. In fact, the climax itself is one giant face-plant, the
President reacting to things as if she has just awakened from a coma. I’ll
admit that I was entertained at points during the movie (all the action
scenes), but the climax was like getting a pie to the face. And not a
good-tasting pie.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">But I didn’t hate the movie. On the contrary, it was
exactly what I expected from a Statham-led action flick opening on January 12.
I wasn’t expecting competent writing or layered performances or exceptional
special effects. I was expecting a dumb movie, mumbling something resembling
sentences in between Statham effortlessly defeating scores of opponents. I
would have liked for them to lay off the bee metaphors, but then again, video
games tend to do that.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Rating: Even for a
January movie, you should ask for sixteen dollars back.</b> <o:p></o:p></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-43376006984677751402024-01-07T20:04:00.002-07:002024-01-07T20:04:30.251-07:00“Night Swim” - Swim at your own risk.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKk36ArDY_3CACFf5r6btfzdLQrymgP42Kwnnz-l-4CswR5VGUYkzvU-HLmcvsnxeb1elUL0L6QD9QyWjG-Kc23ifPEFQfIHQlrlJCTG_kLfnEwS9lamLq81afVM2M0E3obIoTAYbE3ggsLS43ECjh2XewSnbjQnRfJVUK361-v1_AJOifBrrSoWJDSQc/s869/Night%20Swim%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="869" data-original-width="596" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKk36ArDY_3CACFf5r6btfzdLQrymgP42Kwnnz-l-4CswR5VGUYkzvU-HLmcvsnxeb1elUL0L6QD9QyWjG-Kc23ifPEFQfIHQlrlJCTG_kLfnEwS9lamLq81afVM2M0E3obIoTAYbE3ggsLS43ECjh2XewSnbjQnRfJVUK361-v1_AJOifBrrSoWJDSQc/s320/Night%20Swim%20poster.png" width="219" /></a></div>In my <a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/12/my-year-in-movies-2023-edition-this.html">annual
year-in-review piece</a>, I highlighted how many horror movies were released
just in 2023 (more than eighty). As if the movie gods were listening, my first
screening of 2024 was a horror movie - <i>Night
Swim</i>. Marketed as “from the producers of <i>M3GAN,</i>” <i>Night Swim</i>
follows in <i><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/01/m3gan-so-you-think-you-can-dance.html">M3GAN<span style="font-style: normal;">’s lazy footsteps</span></a></i>, provides a couple
of jump scare moments, but mostly disappoints. Much of this has to do with <i>Night Swim</i>’s premise - a haunted swimming
pool - and that it is based on a four-minute short of the same name, but much
more has to do with the setup of a bunch of story elements that never pay off.
Watching <i>Night Swim</i> was like finding
your honey-do list weeks later and realizing how much of it remains incomplete.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVQBsc1vmH9O1UA0nhZcxZ-pP5QzIHihxUtnhdQUG-BS_4ZMxvbLmuFigIyUGCpvhR5Cbf0eMevqcZGyqRYh972uLHXVDW6qpPbfosDjd5OlAOVylb1K8vykPM9uqDopSdYJz6SsPVKgkwyQ84IU-ympi8VpNO-AO3kQHbd1-qpCf4Ppw2_nVI9pDft8k/s1275/Night%20Swim%205.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="850" data-original-width="1275" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVQBsc1vmH9O1UA0nhZcxZ-pP5QzIHihxUtnhdQUG-BS_4ZMxvbLmuFigIyUGCpvhR5Cbf0eMevqcZGyqRYh972uLHXVDW6qpPbfosDjd5OlAOVylb1K8vykPM9uqDopSdYJz6SsPVKgkwyQ84IU-ympi8VpNO-AO3kQHbd1-qpCf4Ppw2_nVI9pDft8k/s320/Night%20Swim%205.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Cast the Waller family. Dad - Ray. Mom - Eve.
Teenage daughter - Izzy. Ten-year-old son - Elliot.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->DONE.
We got Wyatt Russell and scored Oscar-nominee Kerry Condon from that movie
Banshees of Inception, or whatever (I didn’t see it). Amelie Hoeferle and Gavin
Warren to play the kids.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Start the movie in 1992 (explicitly print 1992
on the screen) with a little girl (Rebecca) vanishing in the pool one night. Do
not forget to explicitly print the year when the Wallers are introduced. The
look of some of the scenes can definitely confuse the audience as to what year
it is for the Wallers.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->DONE.
Did the opening scene and it’s great. That toy boat of her brother’s is the
perfect way to get her into the pool at night.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Ray is a former major league baseball player who
had to retire because he has multiple sclerosis. The pool is going to slowly
heal him after he starts swimming at night and regain his baseball prowess.
This is also how he becomes addicted to the pool.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->DONE.
We have a scene with his doctor telling him about different therapy options. He
finds a baseball floating in the pool. We show him swimming in the pool. We
have a scene at his son’s baseball practice where Ray takes a few swings at pitches
thrown by the head coach.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->When the Wallers are cleaning the pool after
moving into the house, include a pool technician who talks about the natural
spring in the area and its supposed healing properties. He is the source of
information about the history of the pool. Do the initial scene, then a second-act
scene where he tells Ray the rest of the legend - that a sacrifice is required
to make the healing permanent.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->DONE.
Love how the initial scene with the pool tech worked out. He’s a little funny
and definitely comes off as knowing more than he is saying.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->The pool is going to use Rebecca as bait for the
Wallers.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->DONE.
We did a scene where Elliot hears Rebecca’s voice coming from the pool filter
(that little rectangle on the side of the pool at water level). This scene is
very Pennywise.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAkJp5delMQuPULZ4GP3L1dBNIygSbygnpwf3i485v_4e9qpxb82iDukUotrhJgkj1UkqftoAIkUO-pUt5pqjhAtufhIu8PokV-_32_QIrR3EUmRifq8nX-nFe-HfkaN-TLnCLU1vvWPl7MqErMJElszG6k7DlHQh4pp68mFnzIJ5CeZgjfexA9Wys2mU/s1176/Night%20Swim%204.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="613" data-original-width="1176" height="167" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAkJp5delMQuPULZ4GP3L1dBNIygSbygnpwf3i485v_4e9qpxb82iDukUotrhJgkj1UkqftoAIkUO-pUt5pqjhAtufhIu8PokV-_32_QIrR3EUmRifq8nX-nFe-HfkaN-TLnCLU1vvWPl7MqErMJElszG6k7DlHQh4pp68mFnzIJ5CeZgjfexA9Wys2mU/s320/Night%20Swim%204.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Do scenes where Eve and Izzy dive to the bottom
of the pool and end up seeing the pool surface from really far away.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">o<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->DONE.
Both scenes turn out visually great.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Bring back the boat at least two more times. Use
it to signify the little girl and her brother. It would be creepy if any of the
Wallers found it.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->REALLY IMPORTANT!!! - Nothing sinister can
happen during the day. The movie is called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Night
Swim</i>. (The pool party scene should be an evening barbecue.)<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Make sure the batting practice scene shows how
much Ray has benefited from the pool. If he is healing, it would be counterproductive
if he badly missed two pitches, then crushed the third pitch into the lights
like he’s Roy Hobbs.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga83vdIQfgxYVSoMn5mj7JU3MDOcLcvKHOrafxTH0EOpzQpKXArpiNjHpad6k7TYFKtuVbPwxjSf99HqAof82WUGdIly3dy7FP_-I1yGf4QXxx1aX6H_cAzZqh5DGI7r9KPCz2WNrMBvSV8QftW-nTy92FDO5Qaf8gGx_jWX4BQrlqS5TPUlLCcnsI-Wk/s1328/Night%20Swim%202.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="846" data-original-width="1328" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga83vdIQfgxYVSoMn5mj7JU3MDOcLcvKHOrafxTH0EOpzQpKXArpiNjHpad6k7TYFKtuVbPwxjSf99HqAof82WUGdIly3dy7FP_-I1yGf4QXxx1aX6H_cAzZqh5DGI7r9KPCz2WNrMBvSV8QftW-nTy92FDO5Qaf8gGx_jWX4BQrlqS5TPUlLCcnsI-Wk/s320/Night%20Swim%202.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->REALLY IMPORTANT!!! - Nothing sinister can
happen outside of the pool or pool deck. The movie is called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Night Swim</i>. (Delete the scenes with the
drinking glass magically being pushed off the kitchen counter or the television
magically turning on. If that can happen, there is no reason the pool can’t
just drag victims into it.)<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Ray needs to be become obsessed with the pool.
(Haha - my wife thought I said possessed.)<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->My wife just asked me what happens if they don’t
sacrifice anything. That’s a really good question.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->REALLY IMPORTANT!!! - Do not make Rebecca a deus
ex machina. It would negate pretty much everything we’ve seen and been told
about the pool.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT!!! - This is a horror
movie. If the audience members are laughing, we’ve failed.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Rating: Your to-do
list is just one item - ask for eighteen dollars back.<o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-5505434951487194262023-12-30T19:40:00.002-07:002023-12-30T19:40:45.282-07:00“My Year in Movies - 2023 Edition” - This never gets old.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiakvZIGBWToeJ9po0Wz1p1zJe1Eh8bUG8S7WUZDjS2aDU73WviWK6P2iuJ6oNFyxWegLShhPFOEzL4gO2bHkuqmfFAUq0mq9I9ChZnD6VTLntps2yaSbgd40hExHwAPD0Cc2849E-iU3fQdXyWW8gihm5hQnXiKYChtHx9ct9QlhpFFaA0rLCGrhBfMPo/s1585/Barbie.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="754" data-original-width="1585" height="152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiakvZIGBWToeJ9po0Wz1p1zJe1Eh8bUG8S7WUZDjS2aDU73WviWK6P2iuJ6oNFyxWegLShhPFOEzL4gO2bHkuqmfFAUq0mq9I9ChZnD6VTLntps2yaSbgd40hExHwAPD0Cc2849E-iU3fQdXyWW8gihm5hQnXiKYChtHx9ct9QlhpFFaA0rLCGrhBfMPo/s320/Barbie.png" width="320" /></a></div>As we approach the end of 2023, I debated on which topic
to discuss at length here. The biggest story was the dual strikes by the
Writers Guild and Screen Actors Guild. The strikes went on for months, grinding
production to a halt on everything. Several movie releases were delayed and
many of the films that opened during the strike saw their box office numbers
impacted, especially those that opened after the summer season. The good news
is the strikes were successful in improving the working conditions and
compensation for writers and actors, particularly the 99.9% of them that aren’t
Tom Cruise or Scarlett Johansson. They also secured protections against the use
of AI by studios. The bad news is the new bargaining agreement is only for
three years and AI will be running all of the studios by then.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Speaking of the summer season, Barbenheimer almost broke
the world. I was as skeptical as anyone about <i>Barbie</i> and very confused
by the memes combining <i>Barbie</i> and <i>Oppenheimer</i>. Opening on the
same date, the two movies took in nearly $2.4 billion. And <i>Barbie</i>
outgrossed <i>Oppie</i> by $500 million. After I finally saw both of them, I
understood. Except for the memes. I get it, but I don’t get it.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">On the flip side, Marvel experienced its worst box office
of the MCU with <i>The Marvels</i> grossing just $204 million. The previous low
was fifteen years ago when <i>The Incredible Hulk</i> pulled in $260 million
and being behind the Hulk for any reason is never a good thing. Don’t worry
about Marvel though. <i>Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3</i> raked in $845 million
and <i>Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania</i> finished at $476 million. To date,
MCU films have grossed nearly $30 billion while spending less than $7 billion.
They can afford to eat more than a couple box office bombs.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">This brings me to our main topic - superhero fatigue.
People have been complaining about too many superhero movies for years and this
year it got its own branding. Google “superhero fatigue” and you’ll see that
it’s been talked about by NPR, <i>Variety</i>, <i>Collider</i>, <i>Fortune</i>,
and many others. I skimmed some of those pieces and they all get to essentially
the same conclusion - superhero fatigue is not really a thing.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">First, there aren’t as many superhero movies as you think
there are. 2023 saw nine theatrical releases, ten if we count <i>Paw Patrol:
The Mighty Movie</i> (and I don’t). Now guess how many horror movies were
released in 2023? You’re way too low. Nope, still too low. Higher. Hi-i-i-gher.
According to IMDb, it’s <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.imdb.com/list/ls532693630/">eighty-four</a></span> horror
movies in 2023. Screenrant <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://screenrant.com/horror-movies-2023-release-dates/">listed
seventy-seven</a></span> that had released as of October 3. To be fair, that
includes streaming movies, but even if we include <i>Loki Season 2</i> and <i>Secret
Invasion</i> as part of the superhero movies, that only adds the equivalent runtime
of six movies, bringing the superhero total to fifteen. Yet, nobody is
complaining about horror movie fatigue.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">But, there is nearly endless marketing of superhero
films. Disney and Warner Bros. spend $200-$300 million to produce each
superhero movie. They are going to spend as much as it takes to make sure
everyone knows about these films and even more money reminding us over and over
(and over) to ensure they recoup their investment. Conversely, horror movies
cost an average of $20 million to make - many of them a fraction of that - so
it isn’t necessary to inundate the planet with ads for several months to
convince you to watch <i>M3gan</i>.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">And don’t forget discussions about superhero flicks.
Superhero movies are somewhat unique in that they aren’t standalone movies, but
episodes in a larger story. Ordinarily, movie discussion ends a couple of weeks
after its release, a couple of months if it’s lucky. The Marvel conversation
and rehash has been going on for fifteen years. Nobody cares what’s next for <i>Five
Nights at Freddy’s</i> after watching it, but everyone leaves a Marvel movie
wondering what that mid-credit scene means for the next three movies slated to
come out. For the record, nobody is wondering about that after a DC movie,
because everyone is still trying to get the taste of vomit out of their mouths.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Another factor is the superhero genre is no longer the
shiny new thing. Superhero movies have been around for decades, but they were
novelties until 2008, when <i>The Dark Knight</i>, <i>Iron Man</i>, and <i>The
Incredible Hulk</i> were released, along with revealing the grand plan for <i>The
Avengers</i>. Suddenly, there was this new, exciting thing at the theater, and
one that wove several movies into one big finale. Like anything we spend enough
time with, the novelty wears off. Now, the superhero genre is just another
genre, like every other genre. Except musicals. I get them, but I don’t get
them.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">So, what are people really saying when they say they’re
tired of superhero movies? The surface answer is they are tired of hearing
about them. That’s completely understandable, so I promise I won’t spend eight
paragraphs listing solutions to Marvel’s <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.cnbc.com/2023/12/18/marvel-drops-actor-jonathan-majors-after-assault-conviction-source-says.html">Jonathan
Majors problem</a></span>. Another thing audiences are really saying is they
are frustrated at mediocre and bad superhero movies. DC has addressed that
problem by hiring James Gunn to reboot the entire franchise. Marvel has
recognized that quality has suffered from pushing out too much MCU content
recently and they are dialing it back a bit. I believe Marvel’s recent lower
quality is mostly due to spreading their writers too thin and they weren’t able
to check each other’s work like before. DC’s quality suffered the moment they
hired Zack Snyder to run the franchise.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Perhaps the biggest thing people are subconsciously
saying is they just don’t want to commit to another decade-long story. <i>Avengers:
Endgame</i> might be the most satisfying conclusion to a story ever. It’s not
that people don’t want to watch another superhero movie. It’s that the MCU
story ended in everybody’s minds and several of the most popular characters
died during the story (or tragically in real life). People don’t need much
motivation to watch a single movie, but they need a lot of motivation to start
another multi-dozen-film saga that won’t end until sometime in the next decade.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">But as much as people complain about “too many superhero
movies,” they secretly want more and just need a good reason. And that is my
really, really long way of saying you know you can’t wait to watch <i>Deadpool
3</i>. Now, let’s look back at the movies I watched throughout 2023.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Best of the best
of the best, sir!</b><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">This might be the toughest top five I’ve chosen of all
the years I’ve been reviewing movies. Not because there were a lot of great
movies, but because there weren’t.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l6 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Barbie</i></b> - I had no idea what it could
possibly be about, especially after seeing the previews mimicking <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">2001: A Space Odyssey</i>. Combining a
fantasy doll world with a biting commentary on the patriarchy was the last
thing I expected. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Barbie</i> was easily
the best movie of the year.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l6 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/06/spider-man-across-spider-verse-great.html">Spider-Man:
Across the Spider-Verse</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b> This film was the second
most-anticipated film of the year for me behind <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dune Part 2 </i>(which was delayed until 2024). And it did not
disappoint. Like the first movie, it does an excellent job of diving into Miles
and Gwen, evoking emotional responses that most films can only dream of.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l6 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/09/dumb-money-cha-ching.html">Dumb
Money</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> - </i></b>You know a film is really good
when it keeps you fully engaged despite the fact that you know the major plot
points in advance. If you aren’t aware of the GameStop stock saga, definitely
watch this movie to learn about it.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l6 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">American Fiction -</i></b> Like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Barbie</i>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">American Fiction</i> focuses on an aspect of society that really sucks
and turns into a very poignant and entertaining film. Jeffrey Wright is
fantastic as a writer whose intentional joke of a book becomes the very thing
he was protesting when he wrote it. The film is exceptionally well-written,
just as Wright’s character would want.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l6 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/04/air-happy-feet.html">Air</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b>
I wasn’t quite old enough to be part of the initial Air Jordan shoes craze, so
I had no idea just how big a social phenomenon they were. I also had no idea
how small Nike was prior to making the Air Jordans. I’m so glad to have learned
about through this film, its fantastic actors (especially Viola Davis) and
great storytelling.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">You Almost Made It</b><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Given how tough it was to come up with a top five, this
category was even tougher. If you named any of these next few movies as being
in your top movies of the year list, I would just nod at you. The difference
between these and my top five is very little. Well, except <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Barbie</i>. Nothing is close to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Barbie</i>.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Oppenheimer -</i></b> While a very good
film, I found it a tiny bit overrated. The acting was good and I learned a lot
about Robert Oppenheimer’s life outside of the Manhattan Project. But the film
took far too long to reveal what it was actually about - revenge by a failed
Secretary of Commerce nominee in the form of private hearings to revoke
Oppenheimer’s security clearance.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/06/the-boogeyman-reliving-childhood-fears.html">The
Boogeyman</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b> I’m so used to Stephen King
adaptations ranging from meh to yikes (not the scary yikes), that I was caught
completely off guard by how good <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
Boogeyman</i> turned out to be. Especially since it was adapted from a
twelve-page short story. It was genuinely scary, building up the tension in the
way all great horror movies do. I propose we get more adaptations of King’s
short stories (of which there are more than a hundred).<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Blackberry -</i></b> The third of the
real-life business movies this year and nearly as good as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Air</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dumb Money</i>. The
characters weren’t quite as interesting in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Blackberry</i>
as they were in the other two films, but the story was just as engaging. It’s
also the only one with a bit of a sad ending, though not too sad. A touchscreen
keyboard on our phones is far better than one with actual keys.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dream Scenario -</i></b> The concept of the
film and its opening scene grabs you right away. I was hooked for nearly the
entire running time, simultaneously sympathizing with the main character
(portrayed by Nicolas Cage) and rooting against him. The film’s only flaw is
they muffed the landing. In a worse movie, I’d reveal how they muffed it, but
you’ll have to just watch for yourself.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/08/gran-turismo-nerdsinraaaaaaaaaaaaace.html">Gran
Turismo</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b> Apparently, I was really into
movies depicting real-life events this year. I fully expected <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Gran Turismo</i> to be another bad video game
adaptation, but it turned out to be an engrossing racing film about a video
gamer who became a legitimate racecar driver. It also helps that David Harbour
kills it in this film.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">The Squirmers<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">These movies were very good, but every one of them is
tough to watch for one reason or another. Rewatchability played a big factor in
my rankings here. Parts of each of these would be really difficult to sit
through more than once. So, they get a separate category so you don’t accidentally
watch them on date night.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><i>Saltburn</i></b><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"> - Just one squirmer this year, because the
others films that might have qualified were not good movies. <i>Saltburn</i> is
very <i>Hand That Rocks the Cradle</i>, but doesn’t impale itself on a picket
fence. It is by no means a flawless movie - relegating one of its main
characters (Felix) to almost a background character - but it is a beautifully
shot movie with great performances from Barry Keoghan and Rosamund Pike. And
there are a couple of scenes you won’t be able to unsee.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Surprisingly
Decent</b><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">It is almost impossible to go into a movie without some
sort of expectations. Usually, it’s from something you saw in a trailer, actors
who are in the movie, or what you already know about the director. Other times,
it’s because they are based on thirty-six-year-old movies your parents won’t
shut up about.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b><i><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/01/plane-better-movie-than-january-deserves.html">Plane</a></i></b></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"> - Any movie
featuring Gerard Butler that doesn’t make you want to quit movies forever is a
success. It’s a simple action movie that goes directly from point A to point B
with no side tracks. More movies like this and Butler will take over
January/February from Liam Neeson.<b><i><o:p></o:p></i></b></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/03/dungeons-dragons-honor-among-thieves.html">Dungeons
& Dragons: Honor Among Thieves</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b> There is a ton of
potential and a built-in audience for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dungeons
& Dragons</i>, so it was imperative that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Honor Among Thieves</i> didn’t stink up the theaters the way the last
one did (in 2000). While the box office didn’t reflect it, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Honor</i> was a very entertaining and non-stinky movie.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/07/haunted-mansion-disney-scary.html">Haunted
Mansion</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b> Like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Honor Among Thieves</i>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Haunted
Mansion</i>’s main goal was to erase the stench from its predecessor (in 2003).
Given the source material is one of the oldest rides at Disney, it’s a tougher
bar to clear than it seems. And, just like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Honor
Among Thieves</i>, the new iteration of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Haunted
Mansion</i> was far better than the box office total.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/12/wonka-life-is-like-box-of-chocolates.html">Wonka</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b>
I was afraid <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wonka</i> would follow in
the mediocre footsteps of films like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Maleficent</i>
and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Oz: The Great and Powerful</i>.
Instead, it followed in the footsteps of the original <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory</i>. Timothee Chalamet is
delightful, subtly reminding us of Gene Wilder while not trying to just
recreate Wilder. Though, a memorable song or two might have been nice.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Covenant - </i></b>There are no British
guys quipping. No intricate plans. No heists. Just Jake Gyllenhaal trying to
get an interpreter and his family out of Afghanistan before they are killed.
It’s a decent film, but not the kind of movie we want or expect from Guy
Ritchie.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Movies for Me</b><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Movies for Me are my guilty pleasures. Whether or not
they’re objectively good doesn’t matter. All that matters is they did the thing
I wanted them to do - entertain me.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/04/renfield-all-bite-and-no-bark.html">Renfield</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b>
Right out of the gate, the one that should lose me my card.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Super Mario Bros. Movie -</i></b> The
only movie besides <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Barbie</i> to gross
more than $1 billion, but mostly out of pure nostalgia. That’s why I liked it.
Though I really could have done without Jack Black’s annoying singing to remind
us that he is indeed still Jack Black.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/04/sisu-silence-is-golden.html">Sisu</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b>
It scratches the action itch while not shying away from the inherent
gruesomeness of killing. Doesn’t hurt that people being killed are Nazis
either.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Marvels -</i></b> The box office was
inexplicably brutal to some movies this year, none more so than <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Marvels</i>. It falls somewhere in
between the movies in my later categories “We’re Really Only in it for the
Money” and “We Decided We Weren’t Just in it for the Money” and this one lands
somewhere in between.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Extraction 2 -</i></b> I like Chris
Hemsworth. Doesn’t everybody?<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Talk to Me -</i></b> It managed to creep out
my son enough that he left the room at about the forty-five minute mark. It
also had an end that was unexpected. If not for a bunch of scenes that tend to
meander, it would have been higher up in my list.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour -</i></b> I may
not be a tweenaged girl, but I do like many of Taylor Swift’s songs. The film
itself is just the Los Angeles concert from her tour, but for a fraction of the
actual concert price, you get to see her up close rather than as a blurry dot
off in the distance.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Meh...(or Movies
Not for Me)</b><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Flip a coin on these films. These movies were okay and also
were movies. None of them spoke to me in any way, but maybe they spoke to you.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/11/wish-very-disney-movie.html">Wish</a></i></b></span>
- Disney played <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wish</i> incredibly safe.
It’s a benign movie that takes no chances, content to reference as many other
Disney movies as possible. It’s a movie you’ll forget before you leave the
theater parking lot.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Migration -</i></b> I enjoyed <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Migration</i> more than <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wish</i>, but it was also a really safe movie. So safe that I couldn’t
come up with a non-boring way to write a full review of it. You’re welcome.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Burial -</i></b> Jamie Foxx is trying to
carry this movie while Tommy Lee Jones might not be aware he is in a movie.
Between the two of them - and the lack of a big gotcha courtroom moment - we
get a courtroom drama that is missing any semblance of drama.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Elemental -</i></b> It’s quite a bit
heavy-handed on the social issue it’s covering, but I appreciate the symbolism.
Still, it’s just unremarkable, a problem that seems to have infected nearly all
of Disney’s film and television properties.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hypnotic -</i></b> This film should have
been better and could have been worse. Its premise is based on pseudoscience,
but doesn’t really embrace the pseudo part.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Intermission</b><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Last year’s intermission was far too long and very
irrelevant to movies, so I’m tightening things up.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Secret Invasion -</i></b> A generic story
that treats Nick Fury like an incapable weakling. It is no wonder people
generally hated this show. Nobody puts Nick Fury in a corner.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Loki Season 2 -</i></b> Luckily for Marvel,
the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Loki</i> writers treated Loki with
the respect that he deserves. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Loki</i>
remains the best Marvel series by a wide margin and (probably) won’t get a
season 3 to risk that status.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Reacher Season 2 -</i></b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Reacher</i> is such a satisfying series to
watch. Anyone who is a fan of the book series will tell you that Alan Ritchson
was born to play Jack Reacher.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">We’re Really Only
in it for the Money</b><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nothing provides studios more inspiration than easy
money. Nothing provides studios more fear than expiring IP rights. That’s how
we continually get an annual plethora of lackluster uninspired sequels,
remakes, and franchise entries.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo5; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/06/indiana-jones-and-dial-of-destiny-last.html">Indiana
Jones and the Dial of Destiny</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b> Literally the
definition of doing it for the money, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dial
of Destiny</i> was the fifth <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Indiana
Jones</i> film of a five-film contract signed in way back in the late 1970s.
Makes you wonder what penalty was listed in the contract if this film (and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kingdom of the Crystal Skull</i>) had never
been made.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo5; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/11/trolls-band-together-road-trip.html">Trolls
Band Together</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b> While it was better than the
ghastly <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Trolls World Tour</i>, it was
still quite bland. Some movies just shouldn’t have sequels. Ever.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo5; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/03/scream-vi-there-are-rules-here-oh-no.html">Scream
VI</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b> I said, ever!<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo5; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/05/the-little-mermaid-2023-voice.html">The
Little Mermaid</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b> Are we done remaking classic
animated films into soulless live-action money grabs yet, Disney? Oh, right. I
guess $569 million means you’re not.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo5; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom -</i></b> You
could hear the indifference oozing from the screen.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>We Decided We Weren’t Just in it for the Money</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">These movies are no less money grabs than the films you
just read about, but they actually tried to provide some solid entertainment
for your money. This might be the weakest crop of this type of movie in years,
but they were all much better than everything in the previous category.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo5; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/11/the-hunger-games-ballad-of-songbirds.html">The
Hunger Games: Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wonka</i> wasn’t the only prequel I was
worried about this year. I’m not a big fan of villains getting back stories
that make them sympathetic, but <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ballad</i>
does a good job of showing us future President Snow’s motivations to be less
than honorable, but not immediately evil. I really wouldn’t mind a second <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ballad</i> film to show us his full rise to
power and the evolution of the Hunger Games into what Katniss would eventually
compete in.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo5; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/05/guardians-of-galaxy-vol-3-come-and-get.html">Guardians
of the Galaxy Vol. 3</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b> A very good ending to arguably
everyone’s favorite Marvel characters. I know we’re going to see more of the
new Guardians, but it won’t be the same without Star-Lord.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo5; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/07/mission-impossible-dead-reckoning-part.html">Mission:
Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part 1</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b> Unlike the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fast and Furious</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">John Wick</i> franchises, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mission: Impossible</i> hasn’t become a
complete caricature of itself. In fact, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">M:I</i>
continues to put decently smart action flicks that you watch because you want
to, not out of sheer inertia.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo5; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/02/creed-iii-wobbly-but-still-standing-at.html">Creed
III</a></i></b></span><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"> - </span></i></b></span><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">It really is a shame about Jonathan Majors. Such a gifted
actor and the reason I finally enjoyed a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Creed</i>
movie. Plus, I wasn’t annoyed by Michael B. Jordan for the first time ever.</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>The Letdowns</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The second category where expectations are key. Lazy
screenplays and disappointing films will always exist.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo6; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/01/m3gan-so-you-think-you-can-dance.html">M3GAN</a></i></b></span><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"> - A couple of curse words and more than a spot of blood
is the difference between a PG-13 rating and an R rating. Considering the
filmmakers behind <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">M3GAN</i> decided not
to include any horror in their horror film, the least they could have done was
loaded up their slasher flick with bloody killings. Instead, they went for an
awkward dance. Cool.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo6; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Infinity Pool -</i></b> The film had an
interesting premise and Alexander Skarsgard delivering a fantastic performance.
Unfortunately, it didn’t know how to wrap up its story and the director
(Brandon Cronenberg) didn’t seem to notice Mia Goth overacting every scene. By
the end she was literally screaming every line of dialogue, ruining an
otherwise interesting movie.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo6; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">65 - </span></i></b></span><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">This was the science fiction surprise I was hoping for and
it turned out to be a fairly mundane action flick. The dinosaurs looked cool
though.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo6; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania -</i></b>
Note to filmmakers: Don’t split up your two title characters for the majority
of their film. We wanted another Ant-Man and Wasp adventure, not a
father-daughter road trip filled with inane family bickering. It’s not fun.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo6; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Flash -</i></b> At this point in time,
no DCEU movie should ever be a letdown because expectations for them are set to
negative one hundred. But they promised us Michael Keaton. If there was ever a
time to get a DCEU movie right, it’s the one where Keaton comes back as Batman.
And the scenes featuring Keaton were indeed entertaining and decent. But there
were too many other parts that would make first-year film students scoff in
derision.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>TL;DR</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">At least ‘The Letdowns’ contained some entertainment value.
These next films were all very boring, not the least bit entertaining, and
lacked any plot beyond the initial premise. They are the very definition of
“two hours of your life you will never get back.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo7; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Maestro -</i></b> I made it less than
halfway through before I started wondering if I was in actually in a coma. A
movie about a famous composer/conductor featuring barely any music? That would
have been like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Cocaine Bear</i> featuring
barely any bear maulings.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo7; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Cocaine Bear -</i></b> What did I just say?<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo7; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Asteroid City -</i></b> I have yet to watch
a Wes Anderson movie and understand what the appeal is? <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Asteroid City</i> has one scene that piqued my interest (the alien
scene in the middle of the film). The rest had me wondering why nearly every
line from every character is spoken with all the emotion of Ben Stein on Xanax.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo7; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Killers of the Flower Moon -</i></b> Ok, so
I didn’t actually watch this movie, but for good reason - it’s two hundred six
minutes long and directed by Martin Scorsese. I lost seventeen hours of my life
to Scorsese’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Irishman</i> (which is
two hundred nine minutes) and had no desire to repeat that mistake. I’m sure
the <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Killers_of_the_Flower_Moon_(book)">book
it’s based on</a></span> is a much more engaging experience.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo7; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><i>Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom -</i></b><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"> If Superhero
fatigue is real with people, this is the film that officially kills the genre
for them. Do not give Aquaman your two hours.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Not the Worst, But You Sure Tried Hard</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The challenge with this category is convincing you of the
one redeeming quality for each of these films that kept them out of the cellar.
Good luck to me, right?<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/08/the-last-voyage-of-demeter-batman-begins.html">The
Last Voyage of the Demeter</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b> A by-the-numbers
slasher movie that was written by people who clearly do not understand Dracula.
Redeeming quality - mildly entertaining as a slasher flick.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bottoms -</i></b> I was hoping for a few
laughs, but this attempt at comedy landed zero of its punches. Redeeming
quality - the fight scene at the end was the kind of absurdity I always enjoy.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Knock at the Cabin –</i></b> The film
follows the book (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Cabin at the End of
the World</i>) closely and makes just as little sense. The premise is that a
family must willingly kill one of their members to prevent the apocalypse. And
to motivate the family, a quartet of strangers methodically kills one of
themselves. It’s exactly the type of story that M. Night Shyamalan would be
drawn to. Redeeming quality - Dave Bautista shows some real range in his
acting.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/11/five-nights-at-freddys-zoinks.html">Five
Nights at Freddy’s</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b> Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you?
You should have been in this movie. Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you? You had
the right idea. Redeeming quality - the animatronics looked very creepy.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/09/my-big-fat-greek-wedding-3-now-with.html">My
Big Fat Greek Wedding 3</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b> This movie is the epitome of movies
that should never have sequels. It’s bland, repetitive, and stomps all over
jokes from the original film that were amusing exactly one time. Redeeming
quality - the twelve seconds we actually see of Greece were pretty.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><i>Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom -</i></b><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"> It was painfully
obvious throughout the entire movie that everyone working on this film gave up
on it well before they were done making it. And not just because the DCEU has
been a dead-franchise-walking for several films now. It’s because they brought
back the same villain (Black Manta) and Aquaman’s brother Orm (this time to
help Aquaman). Seriously, zero shits given. Redeeming quality - Jason Mamoa
embracing the death throes of the franchise and giving a performance best
described as “sure, why not?”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Pooping on the Silver Screen</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">And now, the moment you’ve been waiting for - the five
worst movies of the year. Unlike with my top five, these terrible films were
easy to identify.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre - </i></b>Woof.
Maybe Guy Ritchie was on to something when he ventured into making war dramas.
This lifeless action flick included zero drama and Aubrey Plaza wildly out of
her depth. Nothing about this film worked on any level.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/06/no-hard-feelings-oh-humanity.html">No
Hard Feelings</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b> The premise of the film puts it
in a hole before it even begins and the movie just keeps digging. Jennifer
Lawrence goes fully nude in an attempt to distract us from this humorless
travesty, but that particular scene only serves to make the film more cringe-worthy.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/04/quasi-who-wants-hunchback-ride.html">Quasi</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b>
It would have been nice if this movie were even quasi-funny. Yeah, that pun
beats every joke in the film. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/01/shotgun-wedding-just-shoot-me.html">Shotgun
Wedding</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b> Given a choice between going
through with this film or eating the bullet instead, take the bullet. It’s less
painful.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><i>Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom -</i></b><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"> I didn’t think it
was possible to make a worse movie than the first <i>Aquaman</i>, but DC Films proved
that if you focus on all of the worst aspects of a film, you can repeat them.
Bad special effects, atrocious dialogue, and actors who know the dialogue is
atrocious – those are just the tip of the spear. This time, they plagiarized
other superhero movies, particularly <i>Black Panther</i> and the press
conference scene at the end of <i>Ironman</i>, made Aquaman ride a seahorse in
an embarrassingly unfunny nod to the comics, and featured dozens of whales
sinking a super-submarine with the power of sonar. It’s so much worse than it
sounds.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Pooping on the Silver Screen: The Sequel</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">This is the bonus category for movies that were made as
sheer money grabs, but were also terrible movies in general. They are the
shitty sequels, prequels, remakes, and franchise entries that keep getting made
because you won’t stop watching them.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Transformers: Rise of the Beasts -</i></b>
My head hurts.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Shazam! Fury of the Gods - </i></b>Helen Mirren
should be ashamed of herself.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Blue Beetle -</i></b> And Helen Mirren
should be ashamed of Susan Sarandon. You both are actual actors.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/03/john-wick-chapter-4-one-thousand.html">John
Wick: Chapter 4</a></i></b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> -</i></b> As the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">John Wick </i>films continue to get more expensive to make, the
audience continues to <a href="https://www.the-numbers.com/movies/franchise/John-Wick#tab=summary">spend
more money</a>. Just like the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fast and
Furious</i> franchise, the audience is going for a very specific reason and it
has nothing to do with good writing. Some people just don’t need more than
way-too-long fight scenes or John blocking bullets with a loose jacket to be
entertained.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fast X -</i></b> There aren’t even fumes
left in the tank of this franchise. Just like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Aquaman</i>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fast X</i> recycles
plotlines and characters from its previous films. And nothing is lazier than a
revenge plot by the son of a wronged villain. I couldn’t even finish watching
this junk heap.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><i>Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom - </i></b><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Jason Mamoa gets
urinated into his mouth three(!) different times. The very last scene features
Patrick Wilson enjoying a burger topped with a giant cockroach. If this doesn’t
sum up the DCEU as a whole, nothing does. Zero. Shits. Given.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Well, we made it. In general, 2023 was a pretty lousy
movie year. I’m very happy for the writers and actors securing better
compensation and job security, but I really wanted to see <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dune Part 2</i> this year. As for superhero fatigue, if you really are
tired of superhero movies, you’re getting a reprieve next year. The DCEU is
being completely rebooted and we won’t see anything from that until 2025 at the
earliest. Sony is vomiting out three more likely bad movies from their
Spider-Man property that you can ignore (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kraven
the Hunter</i>,<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Venom 3</i>, and<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Madame Web</i>). And Marvel is releasing
just one MCU movie and it’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Deadpool 3</i>,
and that alone gives me hope for 2024.<o:p></o:p></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-565327137907904842023-12-16T14:18:00.000-07:002023-12-16T14:18:01.370-07:00“Wonka” - Life is like a box of chocolates.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo1-pGyZL3ynEuSp8DYnETEyjGJHbd3qqcp5vArAfVgKEpTU1dVAj8pn8gRK-IuF6edM9K0USwrU44om5O-3RdKltZvJPW1-Yed7lt7bgCfb1mxqpG5PKGF9yEj9Lk6IYVqjrWiJaiqrZtxsmVrlbcg5uoikndrCA3o2AhDZfPonmxDbnWUdkcp3_7Km8/s870/Wonka%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="870" data-original-width="578" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo1-pGyZL3ynEuSp8DYnETEyjGJHbd3qqcp5vArAfVgKEpTU1dVAj8pn8gRK-IuF6edM9K0USwrU44om5O-3RdKltZvJPW1-Yed7lt7bgCfb1mxqpG5PKGF9yEj9Lk6IYVqjrWiJaiqrZtxsmVrlbcg5uoikndrCA3o2AhDZfPonmxDbnWUdkcp3_7Km8/s320/Wonka%20poster.png" width="213" /></a></div>It’s the holidays and you know what that means...mystery
chocolates. I suppose it’s also a time for family and gifts and arguments. But
nothing gets the adrenaline going like examining the box of chocolates that mysteriously
only materializes on holidays, hoping the picture on the inside of the lid is
telling the truth about the insides of the chocolates, and scrutinizing every
wrinkle of chocolate on that morsel two from the left that isn’t a perfect
match to the picture. Best to just take a deep breath and hope that wrinkle
isn’t bourn of coconut.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The box of chocolates this year is called <i>Wonka</i>. Based
on the new film <i>Wonka</i>, the box promises a variety of flavors from
chocolate to vanilla to magic to indentured servants to songs to cartoonish
villains to more chocolate. The box also features a name and description for
each type of chocolate found in the box. The box itself is gorgeously
decorated. So, I took a deep breath and started trying them.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3VZu2OCmVRjrK0tcSg07FpKaOgxoxtX6m5lhJeQ87cxQbctsJHkZs2i0QIYiuqBkI275u3Ds_BRjNxs-iDDF6L3F0nlhu2M94JkR1AV4LFNaEfrQPN4RlGNl13-ae36mbEJrieBDBSRt2nM27nrn9vctj1qQnZirQl0SfPdc4skCHV6BGe3JFftpwwD0/s1309/Wonka%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="872" data-original-width="1309" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3VZu2OCmVRjrK0tcSg07FpKaOgxoxtX6m5lhJeQ87cxQbctsJHkZs2i0QIYiuqBkI275u3Ds_BRjNxs-iDDF6L3F0nlhu2M94JkR1AV4LFNaEfrQPN4RlGNl13-ae36mbEJrieBDBSRt2nM27nrn9vctj1qQnZirQl0SfPdc4skCHV6BGe3JFftpwwD0/s320/Wonka%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">The first one is labelled “The Opening Number.” The box
tells me it’s <i>a song sung by Willy Wonka</i>
(Timothee Chalamet) <i>upon arriving in a
town that may or not be European, this chocolate is one of several that tastes
like music in your mouth.</i> It’s perfectly round with no identifying frills
or markings and tastes like vanilla. The box appears to have five or six more
chocolates that look just like it.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The next one says “Scrubbits.” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A surprise for your palette, this piece is inspired by innkeepers that
always have a room available for a downtrodden traveler.</i> It features two
faces on it, one named Mrs. Scrubbit (Olivia Colman) and the other named
Bleacher (Tom Davis). The box wasn’t kidding about this one being a surprise.
It tastes like ham, but well-seasoned ham.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The next three are all shaped like eggs and richly
colored. The yellow one with the plaid print is called “Prodnose” (Matt Lucas).
The grey one painted like a suit jacket is called “Fickelgruber” (Mathew
Baynton). And the blue one with pin stripes is called “Slugworth” (Paterson
Joseph). The description is the same for each: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Whether eaten individually or as a group, these bad eggs will attack
your palette.</i> Fickelgruber and Prodnose both have a bland nougat center and
taste like a 3 Musketeers bar that has seen at least three Halloweens. On the
other hand, Slugworth is filled with a gooey cherry concoction that practically
explodes when eaten. It’s a very loud, flamboyant flavor that isn’t trying to
be subtle at all. I mostly like it, but it’s a bit over the top.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHem8eCdpZnSbdw5MucXVahNHrLOwm1rOi-sw-X9lgyLz2rX4qDweobZcf3ytGEoD3D-ysySpWHKNj3VaQyeH5QOyJ3J2NjUQZXTwAk00hnJlKV532avL4NkeoGQnY0v8I8jRaBnieuEdxjQgCrdBSprKxwxqRIjFLOIftDqwFKTHxiF91-4C9D5OkCNY/s1312/Wonka%201.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="866" data-original-width="1312" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHem8eCdpZnSbdw5MucXVahNHrLOwm1rOi-sw-X9lgyLz2rX4qDweobZcf3ytGEoD3D-ysySpWHKNj3VaQyeH5QOyJ3J2NjUQZXTwAk00hnJlKV532avL4NkeoGQnY0v8I8jRaBnieuEdxjQgCrdBSprKxwxqRIjFLOIftDqwFKTHxiF91-4C9D5OkCNY/s320/Wonka%201.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Another round one, this time named “Song Number 2.” No
description. It tastes like the first round one and I have no urge to sing. Not
even hum.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">There are five chocolates arranged in a circle around a
large, spectacular chocolate (called Willy Wonka). We’ll come back to that
large one in a minute. The five are each shaped like their names - “Noodle”
(Calah Lane), “Abacus” (Jim Carter), “Piper” (Natasha Rothwell), “Bell” (Rakhee
Thakrar), and “Chucklesworth” (Rich Fulcher). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">These uniquely shaped chocolates pair well with Willy Wonka.</i> Aside
from their shapes, there is little else of note about them, especially flavor,
except Noodle. There is a bit of texture to Noodle’s insides, but not enough to
matter.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">This next one is painted like a badge and called “Key-stone
Kop.” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">This delectable police chief</i>
(Keenan-Michael Key) <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">will tickle your
taste buds.</i> It tastes is kind of funny. Not haha funny, but
I-see-what-you-are-going-for-there amusing.</p><p class="MsoNoSpacing">A third round one. Or sixth. I’ve lost count, I don’t
bother reading the names, and they all taste the same. I think. It’s hard to
remember what any of them tasted like.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The next one is was teased on the outside of the box.
Called “Lofty” (Hugh Grant), it is colored orange and green. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lofty tastes like how we imagine an Oompa
Loompa smells...delightful!</i> Upon splitting open the candy, it smells like
orange sherbet, but in a pompously British kind of way. The box was right - it
is delightful. Too bad there isn’t more in the box.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkjlyk8PgUgJHX-doSc3HQ2IWI8tPTSJVNVOXn24WXVrrwKoqsB9LsHo3nblYJc_78mv0eQzIcZ6RU8jZblm7pQ61-E1r4xvWiFsmTLQx6LgZh0Cvcq0HqExsKqdOE09WGS3bSGMF0r5JyTGnPUDBP9da8rNqPdthZauwammRTf7bvtq1I-2E16PNg27o/s1600/Wonka%204.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="654" data-original-width="1600" height="131" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkjlyk8PgUgJHX-doSc3HQ2IWI8tPTSJVNVOXn24WXVrrwKoqsB9LsHo3nblYJc_78mv0eQzIcZ6RU8jZblm7pQ61-E1r4xvWiFsmTLQx6LgZh0Cvcq0HqExsKqdOE09WGS3bSGMF0r5JyTGnPUDBP9da8rNqPdthZauwammRTf7bvtq1I-2E16PNg27o/s320/Wonka%204.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">There are two chocolates left. I save that big one for
last, and pick up the one that has a book on it and is called “The Story.” <i>Like the 3-Course Dinner chewing gum that
turned Violet into a blueberry, The Story offers you a variety of flavors that
perfectly complement each other</i>. Upon examination of the chocolate, a
couple of small holes reveal themselves. One is leaking chocolate syrup and
part of the shell is really thin. Also, there’s a bizarre shaped appendage
hanging off one side for no reason. I try not to think about the flaws and
quickly eat it so I can get to the real reason I opened the box.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Finally, “Willy Wonka.” It’s beautiful. I just want to
stare in its eyes forever. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Willy Wonka is
inspired by the original recipe we created in 1971. We poured our hearts and
souls into getting Willy Wonka just right. All five of your senses will savor
Willy Wonka or your money back.</i> Confirmed. Rarely is anything as good or
better than the original, but this Willy Wonka comes close.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Rating: Ask for
three dollars back. Some of it should be more memorable than it is.<o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-34100055655307626462023-11-27T21:32:00.001-07:002023-11-27T21:32:23.164-07:00“Wish” - A very Disney movie.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlkGzysPoVPn4sNSZb9mW1KqMQ2gefdIUoeln9zYsd9rbdZdvuHtoG1Y2oM_mmSyzV68MjIs4qWP9ROcJLviZPSJnYnHbIMcona9hPT_5Ca1kIFFafzKkW2TwRFaHP6VaRTV9XYh_9gT9V5RlKpegaye3a9t5YvXw9xS_iJYBtrNbEITSYTAwoJa1sOCU/s874/Wish%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="874" data-original-width="589" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlkGzysPoVPn4sNSZb9mW1KqMQ2gefdIUoeln9zYsd9rbdZdvuHtoG1Y2oM_mmSyzV68MjIs4qWP9ROcJLviZPSJnYnHbIMcona9hPT_5Ca1kIFFafzKkW2TwRFaHP6VaRTV9XYh_9gT9V5RlKpegaye3a9t5YvXw9xS_iJYBtrNbEITSYTAwoJa1sOCU/s320/Wish%20poster.png" width="216" /></a></div>Once upon a time, a magical company called Disney was
celebrating its one-hundredth anniversary. They created countless commemorative
merchandise, erected gold statues of beloved characters throughout their theme
parks, and debuted their latest thrill ride - Tron Lightcycle Power Run - in
the Magic Kingdom. But to truly celebrate such a momentous milestone, they
needed an animated movie that would resonate with people the way all of their
classic films have.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“Our hundredth anniversary is coming up and we need a
movie that is unmistakably Disney. Ideas?” said Studio Executive.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“How unmistakable? Like, a new full-length Mickey Mouse
film?” answered Writer 1.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“Way too Disney,” remarked Studio Executive.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“A <i>Steamboat Willy</i> remake?” offered Writer 2.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“Too old,” replied Studio Executive.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“<i>Frozen 3</i>?” suggested Writer 2.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“Thanksgiving, 2025,” responded Studio Executive. “I wish
we could move it up, but we already told all the investors that was our target
date.”</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“That’s it!” exclaimed Writer 1.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“What’s it?” asked Writer 2.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“WISH!” shouted Writer 1.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“You mean like our new cruise ship?” said Studio
Executive.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“No, a movie about wishes,” said Writer 1.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“We already did <i>Aladdin</i>,” said Writer 2.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“No, no. A movie about wishing on a star,” answered
Writer 1.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“You mean <i>Pinocchio</i>?” retorted Writer 2, wryly.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“I mean a movie where we turn the lyrics of the Disney
theme song into a film,” stated Writer 1.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“I like it,” smiled Studio Executive. “Lean back into the
idea that Disney makes wishes come true. Now that we have a premise, make sure
you cram as many Disney easter eggs in there as you can. I believe in you all.”</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCcTijnDxxJ4ePaq6_4yFIb9RW9i6lSNSUUMp8mm_vEH9LoCBxF7xVZZoHltwaltc-CdMyHztv-Daful2ztbQEyFfV31piNlhaeAMcM5RWfEj20b3nFMQnbx1XqenrAQ3UxS-5vclIbbmA9P-paWbGa71poRgB8oYc8FIvd3u6zAOKbMDPRvV1D0OsBqc/s1605/Wish%205.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="630" data-original-width="1605" height="126" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCcTijnDxxJ4ePaq6_4yFIb9RW9i6lSNSUUMp8mm_vEH9LoCBxF7xVZZoHltwaltc-CdMyHztv-Daful2ztbQEyFfV31piNlhaeAMcM5RWfEj20b3nFMQnbx1XqenrAQ3UxS-5vclIbbmA9P-paWbGa71poRgB8oYc8FIvd3u6zAOKbMDPRvV1D0OsBqc/s320/Wish%205.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Thus, the movie <i>Wish</i> was born and the writers got
to straight to work creating a film that could never be mistaken for something
other than Disney. First, they created the island Kingdom of Rosas, complete
with a castle, surrounding town, subjects, and a forest. Then, they created
King Magnifico (Chris Pine) and Queen Amaya (Angelique Cabral), the rulers of
Rosas. Magnifico is a powerful sorcerer capable of granting wishes and Amaya is
also there. Next, they created the <s>princess</s> heroine, Asha (Ariana
DeBose), a seventeen-year-old living with her mother and grandfather. Asha
works in the castle bakery and aspires to be the sorcerer’s apprentice. Wink,
wink.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">With the main characters identified, the writers focused
on creating sidekicks. The easy ones were the rest of the bakery workers. They
definitely had names that were definitely memorable. And faces too. In fact,
one of them may or not be Bruno from <i>Encanto</i>. And what Disney classic is
complete without an animal sidekick, preferably one that talks? The writers
thought and thought and watched past Disney movies and thought some more.
Eventually, they settled on a goat called Valentino (Alan Tudyk) who wears
pajamas and has a very deep voice. Perfect (for merchandise purposes).</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibG02CQainHILUNPnDqC5pOybB6Hgfc7evaYpYBWZqxUI0GW5WQ_pNDpR6VgXiz95OoKfA2QY0nOr0vTpKjMiqlHw_gITKB7unLRlAfEd0655nPWSng0aP0bigbaqkKVLr3zr7JOzJiSYm3aQMVOj108l4o135f8MYOF_rOx6uKcqp1mGUD8Prz4oXbyQ/s1601/Wish%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="628" data-original-width="1601" height="126" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibG02CQainHILUNPnDqC5pOybB6Hgfc7evaYpYBWZqxUI0GW5WQ_pNDpR6VgXiz95OoKfA2QY0nOr0vTpKjMiqlHw_gITKB7unLRlAfEd0655nPWSng0aP0bigbaqkKVLr3zr7JOzJiSYm3aQMVOj108l4o135f8MYOF_rOx6uKcqp1mGUD8Prz4oXbyQ/s320/Wish%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Finally, they came up with a story. At the age of
eighteen, the people of Rosas give their most heartfelt wish to Magnifico for
safekeeping, with the understanding that Magnifico may someday grant that wish.
Upon doing so, they immediately forget what that wish is, thus becoming docile
and dependent on Magnifico. During Asha’s apprentice interview, Magnifico reveals
to her that most wishes will never be granted because they aren’t what’s best
for Rosas and will never be returned to their owners. Asha is horrified and
summarily dismissed by Magnifico. Later, Asha wishes on a star and the star
anthropomorphizes into a cute little plush doll that flies around granting
wishes. Again, perfect.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">With all of the basic ingredients of the film done, the
writers high-fived each other and filled in all of the details. They shoved in
easter eggs from all of the films they had just finished watching. They called
up Lin-Manuel Miranda to ask him to write some songs, but it went straight to
voicemail. So they called Julia Michaels and Benjamin Rice to write the songs.
“Please make them memorable songs,” the writers said. “We still have <i>We
Don’t Talk About Bruno</i> eating our brains.”</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjguxcq7mjBVzx0enkRnnGFhK4KMNbOi1YPGG7VWO76DgCXK5Apu3YJ0C-7_oR4ilZyFfgl4VHESXhJdoLQfz5IXKMm6ZHs1sPHlw7dpgY67jKQA6hwuGxZl72Frh-6urIPcrTVwJ41m3uMJJ3Cpr4vOyiCY8UwS0TcSStOPNM0qNXLcaOyfF9XcGxo7v4/s1606/Wish%204.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="629" data-original-width="1606" height="125" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjguxcq7mjBVzx0enkRnnGFhK4KMNbOi1YPGG7VWO76DgCXK5Apu3YJ0C-7_oR4ilZyFfgl4VHESXhJdoLQfz5IXKMm6ZHs1sPHlw7dpgY67jKQA6hwuGxZl72Frh-6urIPcrTVwJ41m3uMJJ3Cpr4vOyiCY8UwS0TcSStOPNM0qNXLcaOyfF9XcGxo7v4/s320/Wish%204.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">With the final touches on the film and a happily ever
after, the writers sighed, closed their laptops, poured themselves a drink, and
toasted to another job well done. Just then, Studio Executive walked in, saw
the drinks, and raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“Can I assume you finished the screenplay?” asked Studio
Executive, pouring himself a drink.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“Sure did chief. It’s got a castle, a teenaged heroine
with a dead father, an evil sorcerer, a talking goat, a bunch of new songs
about wishing, and even a star that comes to life who has a little face and a
big attitude. We call him Star,” answered Writer 1, clinking glasses again with
Writer 2.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“And did you pay appropriate homage to Disney film
history?” inquired Studio Executive, with an expectant smirk.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“No worries there, sir. We put so many references in that
even some of the deep cuts have deep cuts,” smiled Writer 2.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“Excellent. I knew you could never be replaced by AI. You
writers are worth every penny,” congratulated Studio Executive.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">“Speaking of which...” the writers said.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">And on September 27, 2023, the <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.npr.org/2023/09/26/1201936449/writers-strike-end-vote-wga-leadership">writer’s
lived happily ever after</a></span>.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Rating: Wish for two dollars back.<o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-90731629412234855162023-11-21T17:45:00.001-07:002023-11-21T17:45:30.482-07:00“The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes” - Cold as ice.<p><i></i></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKCVgK8dws-FcdhV4bEfynX5O9_E9KUOc_14cK9FLJT653-VMT5ryn7LqVR_dmiAZCxKNretuJqAJTIrFG6oqC8LXMOubuFk2lWFFdFcb6GEUVsK7-BDhzkJo6Y5Bunjq0uFahjae-gy355CghAYZPWZNXzlegu_nox9yU09g2ee9w2Tmc4oVdzpC56z0/s874/The%20Hunger%20Games%20The%20Ballad%20of%20Songbirds%20&%20Snakes%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="874" data-original-width="566" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKCVgK8dws-FcdhV4bEfynX5O9_E9KUOc_14cK9FLJT653-VMT5ryn7LqVR_dmiAZCxKNretuJqAJTIrFG6oqC8LXMOubuFk2lWFFdFcb6GEUVsK7-BDhzkJo6Y5Bunjq0uFahjae-gy355CghAYZPWZNXzlegu_nox9yU09g2ee9w2Tmc4oVdzpC56z0/s320/The%20Hunger%20Games%20The%20Ballad%20of%20Songbirds%20&%20Snakes%20poster.png" width="207" /></a></i></div><i>The Hunger Games:
The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes</i> is a prequel, set sixty-four years prior
to the events of <i>The Hunger Games</i>. My
biggest concern going into <i>Ballad of
Songbirds and Snakes</i> was it would treat President Snow the way Anakin
Skywalker or Maleficent were treated in their prequels. You know what I mean -
an evil character given a backstory where they aren’t just misunderstood, but portrayed
as outright pure goodness. Gross.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Young Coriolanus “Coryo” Snow (Tom Blyth) is most
definitely not oozing with goodness. But, he’s also not pure evil yet. He’s
eighteen years old, his family is broke, and the dean of his school hates him.
He’s in survival mode and doing everything he can at school to earn a
prestigious award that includes a handsome sum of money. That means he will be
nice to who he needs to be nice to and undercut whomever stands in his way.
He’s every bit the man we met in the first film.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Unfortunately, academy dean Casca Highbottom (Peter
Dinklage) hates Coryo. It’s with no small amount of glee that Casca informs the
entire class that the award will not be given to the best student this year.
Instead, the top twenty-four students will serve as mentors to the tributes in
the tenth annual Hunger Games and the prize winner will be the one whose
tribute performs the best. Importantly, this does not necessarily mean the
tribute that wins the games, but the one who is the most entertaining. At this
point in time, the war with the districts is still fresh on the capital
citizens’ minds and the games are not garnering good ratings. How’s that for
first-world problems?</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlUK0gLmtQm5n_3ta9KnjmzKPc1Aw44cz1gBtMNfmOpASUxGawgrkBMN7zjyFykilU0681TbvmZ8j2YB-kbjBcMYEMvwjdppkU6ancoaSadnLKa6sxOx9OnMWAa9cT_feDYqgwj8yQ5-psKVRo0e6mUlXWlF-k047dJeSaYM4Q0Vxtb9mJ2WupvfM2SmU/s1602/The%20Hunger%20Games%20The%20Ballad%20of%20Songbirds%20&%20Snakes%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="668" data-original-width="1602" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlUK0gLmtQm5n_3ta9KnjmzKPc1Aw44cz1gBtMNfmOpASUxGawgrkBMN7zjyFykilU0681TbvmZ8j2YB-kbjBcMYEMvwjdppkU6ancoaSadnLKa6sxOx9OnMWAa9cT_feDYqgwj8yQ5-psKVRo0e6mUlXWlF-k047dJeSaYM4Q0Vxtb9mJ2WupvfM2SmU/s320/The%20Hunger%20Games%20The%20Ballad%20of%20Songbirds%20&%20Snakes%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Due to obligatory screenwriting cliches, Snow is
mentoring the District 12 girl, Lucy Gray Baird (Rachel Zegler). Like with
Katniss, everyone assumes Lucy Gray will die early. During the reaping (the
tribute selection ceremony), Lucy Gray shows more than a little defiance and, sensing
an opportunity, Snow proposes to Head Gamemaker Volumnia Gaul (Viola Davis)
that viewers be allowed to sponsor tributes by sending them supplies during the
games. Snow then decides to meet Lucy Gray when she arrives in the capital in
order to earn her trust, even jumping into the back of the truck with the
tributes as they are transported to their holding cages. As Snow is using Lucy
Gray to further his own plans, Gaul is doing the same with Snow to improve
ratings for the games.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The movie is broken into three distinct parts (each has
its own title card), each devoted to the evolution of Snow’s character. At
first, Snow regards people from the district as little more than animals, so
it’s easy for him to do what is necessary increase his chances of winning the
prize. What Snow doesn’t count on is developing feelings for Lucy Gray. It starts
as accepting her as a human being when she shows her spirit through defiance.
Once in her company, he gains appreciation for her own cold calculations to
survive. Once Lucy Gray is competing in the arena, Snow needs her to survive
for reasons beyond his family’s survival. Eventually, this culminates with Snow
confronting all of his conflicting feelings and forced to make choices. It’s a
fantastic arc that ends where it needs to.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSHuM9ECYTebXpDyUOlX-HA0tt8ownNM1Zh8IkS-8UZj9ozLcv1JT1eLx0ipDgYhhoeJJmWE7bdUf7GMEYD-aXoJLW6mqAvZc1maMUhWayhZ8pMuAsfi5MWmtLsnJ-rftKC2qWj5-8hq9mnVqvY3_poYYIV3KVFYtV9CavWy3-NTeFE-PifFk8PCRmvSw/s1312/The%20Hunger%20Games%20The%20Ballad%20of%20Songbirds%20&%20Snakes%202.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="873" data-original-width="1312" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSHuM9ECYTebXpDyUOlX-HA0tt8ownNM1Zh8IkS-8UZj9ozLcv1JT1eLx0ipDgYhhoeJJmWE7bdUf7GMEYD-aXoJLW6mqAvZc1maMUhWayhZ8pMuAsfi5MWmtLsnJ-rftKC2qWj5-8hq9mnVqvY3_poYYIV3KVFYtV9CavWy3-NTeFE-PifFk8PCRmvSw/s320/The%20Hunger%20Games%20The%20Ballad%20of%20Songbirds%20&%20Snakes%202.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Not to be outdone, Lucy Gray is just as conflicted as
Snow. She initially hates the capital citizens as much as Snow hates the
district people, but she can’t help seeing the good in Snow. The two of them
are quite the couple, both playing for their own survival while opening
themselves up to each other and relying on each other. And the whole time, we
are never certain which emotions are real and which are merely a facade for
survival.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">On top of the well-written character arcs of Lucy Gray
and Snow, the actors themselves deliver fantastic performances filled with
nuance and emotion. Zegler and Blyth are both perfectly cast, but there’s a
great argument for the always on-point Davis as the star of this show
(apologies to Dinklage, who was also very good). Gaul is a mix between
Pennywise the Clown and a James Bond villain. She is obviously the origin of
what would become the wild aesthetics and personal affectations adopted by the
capital citizens in later years. But she is also frighteningly, yet subtly,
logical in her discussions of the games with Snow. In short, she is a visual and
mental nightmare.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihMrbj7BTmlwL4NNpNLEUvIxCZDWuImEALI3Krrzdo_DjxOcsyBeqjyM2RH7qhFbf9FrP3QstlrDcSX0wrsWVkCV2ZesIQ2dr06266tXSJ6VYzCuG3-34lCWZzANSICe_LbTdxQU5V7ytCS4M0bLQsoVSYYRTH45sXupe1m3wkuyLXFTkccJ-XPiMFvZ4/s1313/The%20Hunger%20Games%20The%20Ballad%20of%20Songbirds%20&%20Snakes%201.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="873" data-original-width="1313" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihMrbj7BTmlwL4NNpNLEUvIxCZDWuImEALI3Krrzdo_DjxOcsyBeqjyM2RH7qhFbf9FrP3QstlrDcSX0wrsWVkCV2ZesIQ2dr06266tXSJ6VYzCuG3-34lCWZzANSICe_LbTdxQU5V7ytCS4M0bLQsoVSYYRTH45sXupe1m3wkuyLXFTkccJ-XPiMFvZ4/s320/The%20Hunger%20Games%20The%20Ballad%20of%20Songbirds%20&%20Snakes%201.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">The film also maintains the gritty and raw visuals of the
original <i>Hunger Games</i>. The games
themselves are as brutal as PG-13 allows and District 12 is as hellish as we
remember. Even the capital is a terrifying spectacle, still recovering from the
war, but also as a contrast to the districts. Everything we see augments the
feeling the film is trying to convey - desperation and vengeance.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">I’d like to thank director Francis Lawrence,
screenwriters Michael Lesslie and Michael Arndt, and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hunger Games</i> author Suzanne Collins for not pulling a George Lucas.
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes</i> was
much better than I was expecting and does justice to Snow as an origin story.
We believe Snow is capable of becoming the President Snow everyone fears. And
that is far more than we could say about Anakin Skywalker after <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Phantom Menace</i>, which was just
gross.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Rating: Don’t ask
for any money back, even if you have other first world problems.<o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-76549267402926222672023-11-16T20:23:00.004-07:002023-11-16T20:23:47.697-07:00“Trolls Band Together” - Road trip.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilQn2Uwic0hzbzpulz_-l4WN8Q747y6zTsPLZX8EUqNjdXBXELP7u_zuL9fInazJj_KPq2eXlwfx-yUzvviRncAkJD7QtCOc3hkgMvNm25xGHNxrC5pEn_NGsIDCr0hfXUJ8dpnGLxJK1iwvYnPGRjrTnmX36Bdq63uM49XewYkp2bVziiMKXluhQHUbk/s872/Trolls%20Band%20Together%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="872" data-original-width="550" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilQn2Uwic0hzbzpulz_-l4WN8Q747y6zTsPLZX8EUqNjdXBXELP7u_zuL9fInazJj_KPq2eXlwfx-yUzvviRncAkJD7QtCOc3hkgMvNm25xGHNxrC5pEn_NGsIDCr0hfXUJ8dpnGLxJK1iwvYnPGRjrTnmX36Bdq63uM49XewYkp2bVziiMKXluhQHUbk/s320/Trolls%20Band%20Together%20poster.png" width="202" /></a></div>In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to milk every franchise
into a desiccated husk, they present to us <i>Trolls Band Together</i>. While being
the third film entry in the franchise, <i>Band Together</i> is also preceded by
two holiday specials and two television series spanning 104 episodes. If there
was anything left for this franchise to give, Hollywood pulled out all the
stops to squeeze it out. And by all the stops I mean rehash the plot of the
first movie and convince NSYNC to perform its first original song in twenty-two
years as a forgettable cameo in the movie’s epilogue.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">In my review of <span class="MsoHyperlink"><i><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2023/11/five-nights-at-freddys-zoinks.html">Five
Nights at Freddy’s</a></i></span>, I noted that the movie felt like an episode
of <i>Scooby-Doo</i>. Maybe having that fresh in my brain is the reason I feel
like <i>Band Together</i> is essentially an episode of <i>Smurfs</i>. In fact,
the entire franchise is essentially a remake of <i>Smurfs</i>. A race of tiny,
musical beings featuring a pointy head covering and living in the forest are
constantly in danger of being eaten by giant humanoids. I’m very disappointed
in myself for taking seven years to see the similarities.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTIUwyQVmbjb-22k17UZuOaJg-xgnojnJ_Mz1gt2k-8Zk0ooHbRCM8L3Nh8DKR_GljCrGKts3ftBPvvgY-__MolAj62Wr1UQOqTJ960kiCvWBKu1BIC6F-AWn7yf90oOAqy4CInlGg53WEqUPrkue1JH-vtHs26hW5dr1r9KTVQBxLqWAK1vSRdyQoRHY/s1606/Trolls%20Band%20Together%201.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="670" data-original-width="1606" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTIUwyQVmbjb-22k17UZuOaJg-xgnojnJ_Mz1gt2k-8Zk0ooHbRCM8L3Nh8DKR_GljCrGKts3ftBPvvgY-__MolAj62Wr1UQOqTJ960kiCvWBKu1BIC6F-AWn7yf90oOAqy4CInlGg53WEqUPrkue1JH-vtHs26hW5dr1r9KTVQBxLqWAK1vSRdyQoRHY/s320/Trolls%20Band%20Together%201.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">When Branch (Justin Timberlake) was in diapers, he
performed with his four older brothers in a boyband called BroZone. The oldest
brother, John Dory (Eric Andre), was obsessed with the group hitting the
perfect family harmony (which we’re told can shatter diamond), eventually
driving all five siblings apart. Fast-forward to the present where Branch and
Queen Poppy (Anna Kendrick) are helping plan and execute the wedding of Gristle
Jr. (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) and Bridget (Zooey Deschanel). You remember the
Gristle and Bridget, don’t you? They are two of the Gargamels, er...Bergens, creatures
who are now friends with the trolls after spending years literally eating
trolls.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Midway through the wedding ceremony, John Dory crashes
the proceedings, interrupting to inform Branch that their brother Floyd (Troye
Sivan) is being held prisoner in Mount Rageous by pop-star siblings Velvet (Amy
Schumer) and Veneer (Andrew Rannells). Like the Bergens, Velvet and Veneer are
tall, human-esque beings trading trolls’ lives for their own happiness. In this
case, the duet have imprisoned Floyd in a magic diamond perfume bottle that
sucks out his talent and gives it to whomever sprays themselves with the
bottle. If that doesn’t scream Gargamel plot, I don’t smurf what does.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZL4_kvpY6V93GL924E5VBhX56Bqdi-0mMp7tRmBH1P4Vjvm88sPDBlwxxUX0JlrIqAnmeaDT1k6lZ2V33yPdeTPaeT6MNTxjFb5XhTvWLbHsetAcGW-QZFIGxOr8qkJWWohvHkMrvoLUt24dFt_Z7LwZMhD6MtCDoLEib4M1NyKOILNu1FiFElxNFCcU/s1598/Trolls%20Band%20Together%202.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="670" data-original-width="1598" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZL4_kvpY6V93GL924E5VBhX56Bqdi-0mMp7tRmBH1P4Vjvm88sPDBlwxxUX0JlrIqAnmeaDT1k6lZ2V33yPdeTPaeT6MNTxjFb5XhTvWLbHsetAcGW-QZFIGxOr8qkJWWohvHkMrvoLUt24dFt_Z7LwZMhD6MtCDoLEib4M1NyKOILNu1FiFElxNFCcU/s320/Trolls%20Band%20Together%202.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Like the first <i>Trolls</i>, Poppy and Branch set out on
a rescue quest before Floyd is (figuratively) eaten. As the title suggests, in
order to save Floyd, they have to get the band back together. And I hope you
are a fan of family members squabbling on a road trip. If not, the phrase “are
we there yet” is going to be the only thought you have for a large chunk of the
film.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Like all road trips, there are stops along the way to
break up the bickering. The first is Vacay Island, filled with people similar
to those in Mount Rageous, but Rastafarian surfers instead of the rage partiers
of Mount Rageous. Spruce (Daveed Diggs) also lives on the island, married to a
Vacay Islander and has children with her. This reproductive implausibility is
directly pondered by the group, forcing us and our <i>children</i> to also
ponder it. It’s funny until your brain conjures an image, then it’s just fun.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaQqOFEchT-WrAql-AMy1XObARodjTbMPa8a55W3EzNbdItyu0ywYFwsO80GsIyMxmsHEVknV30IGjlQxz7T3eXoNHsuK1ieoXBNY3m1HmtSsT_HbMewCmo5vUcqhY_rUkBwUtO7vzpfVKTjyrcsiASq29SxLFZwpL8w8po0WDVQ_tBJvvKMpdd23ICJo/s1604/Trolls%20Band%20Together%204.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="674" data-original-width="1604" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaQqOFEchT-WrAql-AMy1XObARodjTbMPa8a55W3EzNbdItyu0ywYFwsO80GsIyMxmsHEVknV30IGjlQxz7T3eXoNHsuK1ieoXBNY3m1HmtSsT_HbMewCmo5vUcqhY_rUkBwUtO7vzpfVKTjyrcsiASq29SxLFZwpL8w8po0WDVQ_tBJvvKMpdd23ICJo/s320/Trolls%20Band%20Together%204.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">The second location is an abandoned Bergen miniature golf
course inhabited by trolls. In a half-baked, completely unnecessary subplot,
these trolls turn out to be a group left behind when the rest of the trolls
escaped the Bergen troll tree prison at the beginning of the first film. Plus,
the last brother, Clay (Kid Cudi), is there. The leader of the group is Poppy’s
long-lost sister Viva (Camila Cabello), who Poppy did not know existed. Viva
and friends still think Bergens want to eat them, so try to force Poppy and the
gang to remain with them. While Poppy is ecstatic that she has a sibling (after
spending most of her screen time wishing she had a sibling), the quest must go
on. Poppy and Clay depart, leaving Viva with the knowledge that Bergens no
longer eat trolls, setting up a contrived reason for Viva to show up in the
climax (involving the honeymooning Gristle and Bridget).</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">While I was fairly entertained (I always enjoy quest
stories), <i>Band Together</i> pales in comparison to the original <i>Trolls</i>
(though is much better than the atrocious <i>Trolls World Tour</i>). Almost no
time is spent exploring the new realms or species we’re introduced to. Poppy
and Branch experience zero character growth. Gristle and Bridget are reduced to
punchlines. The new characters introduced are so thin they are barely
one-dimensional. Worst of all, Cloud Guy - the best character in the whole
franchise - is only on screen for a couple of seconds. And that’s before we
note that getting the band back together to hit the perfect family harmony is a
big MacGuffin. Why not just take the lid off the perfume bottle? I’m pretty
sure that’s what the Smurfs would have done.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVdq51sNQu5FRgoOe0JiCnQh6H2W3IHU2FVCv1ApVULE_k6K3FX8ElReYddHYKvCTy0bt7rV5_f_3Q2aOjdVY2YBR32CyO1Y-XUeNyU5D0knXPGI-TC1DXLdMp0-snpmgPmoNToDNU84uUkRVBl_mTQbkNurAn4YrUXW2v_eyzhps6HwYW4IcJBWzF5zI/s1603/Trolls%20Band%20Together%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="672" data-original-width="1603" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVdq51sNQu5FRgoOe0JiCnQh6H2W3IHU2FVCv1ApVULE_k6K3FX8ElReYddHYKvCTy0bt7rV5_f_3Q2aOjdVY2YBR32CyO1Y-XUeNyU5D0knXPGI-TC1DXLdMp0-snpmgPmoNToDNU84uUkRVBl_mTQbkNurAn4YrUXW2v_eyzhps6HwYW4IcJBWzF5zI/s320/Trolls%20Band%20Together%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">It's easy to dismiss any criticism by saying adults are
not the target audience for this film. Except, we very clearly are. NSYNC broke
up twenty-one years ago, so today’s kids don’t know what a Joey Fatone is. This
makes the NSYNC cameo in <i>Band Together</i> meaningless to everyone who can’t
legally drink. Then there is the soundtrack, featuring hits from decades ago,
from Weezer’s “Island in the Sun” to The Beatles “Eleanor Rigby” to Dolly
Parton’s “9 to 5.” Troll dolls themselves debuted in 1959, hitting popular
heights in the 1960s and again in the 1990s. And don’t forget the movie asks
the audience to imagine what it would look like if a troll doll had sex with a
giraffe. There’s more than one way to hit the perfect family harmony.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Rating: Ask for eight smurfs back.<o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-78287882691455733642023-11-01T18:49:00.002-06:002023-11-01T18:49:37.656-06:00“Five Nights at Freddy’s” - Zoinks.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwaHZ3ke-KxOxlcW4lfBLzyo60Hc1AW_1FZfhbmoO56HIE-8V1QkeFonSFDl6U4mfKmSN-xusIFNQYN8S9QMIQ7EIoQ7tZ8UL522ZOoc-gcXOIUHQzb2mahYlc0yO2Hj9GoeoyAvMYLl3MyIPPAxXUUrOmfoCkD_cExC5vVEHePBJBHJR3c2_YXsOA7Bs/s872/Five%20Nights%20at%20Freddy's%205.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="872" data-original-width="582" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwaHZ3ke-KxOxlcW4lfBLzyo60Hc1AW_1FZfhbmoO56HIE-8V1QkeFonSFDl6U4mfKmSN-xusIFNQYN8S9QMIQ7EIoQ7tZ8UL522ZOoc-gcXOIUHQzb2mahYlc0yO2Hj9GoeoyAvMYLl3MyIPPAxXUUrOmfoCkD_cExC5vVEHePBJBHJR3c2_YXsOA7Bs/s320/Five%20Nights%20at%20Freddy's%205.png" width="214" /></a></div>When I was a kid, one of my television staples was <i>Scooby-Doo</i>. I always enjoyed how Scooby
and the gang would get chased around by ghosts or witches while trying to solve
whatever mystery they had been asked to solve. I didn’t care for the end of
each episode, since the reveal of the villain always took away the supernatural
part of the mystery, but the episodes as a whole were always fun. <i>Five Nights at Freddy’s</i> is essentially
an episode of <i>Scooby-Doo</i>, except for
being short one Great Dane with the munchies.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Mike Schmidt (Josh Hutcherson) is living a bit of a tough
life. He works as a mall security guard, takes care of his adolescent sister
Abby (Piper Rubio), is fighting off his greedy Aunt Jane for custody of Abby, and
believes he can use his dreams to identify the person who, years earlier,
abducted his younger brother Garrett. After getting fired from his job for
assaulting a man at the mall he thought was kidnapping a kid, he visits career
counselor Steve Raglan (Matthew Lillard) for job prospects. After initially
refusing a job as night security guard at the dilapidated and abandoned Freddy
Fazbear’s Pizza because Mike can’t work nights, Mike accepts the position to
stave off Aunt Jane.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFBEYJt2XYq9WA9qyyequ2PYDZSaUOV75fe_ZAgPqRUPJm5t2lXAWS0qsWjkwiODijaP2GdqZSa3Xgb2WTgraLpOpHdFKswlY-4zz6jMtDuD-KHWRFMpyPiLkKYDdmNPzvBMsKAuG0vQTvYCUQkkZtz_AwdJ_TnUMwKoubGmc_lduDQSqVcK1D7P-NgDU/s1307/Five%20Nights%20at%20Freddy's%204.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="873" data-original-width="1307" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFBEYJt2XYq9WA9qyyequ2PYDZSaUOV75fe_ZAgPqRUPJm5t2lXAWS0qsWjkwiODijaP2GdqZSa3Xgb2WTgraLpOpHdFKswlY-4zz6jMtDuD-KHWRFMpyPiLkKYDdmNPzvBMsKAuG0vQTvYCUQkkZtz_AwdJ_TnUMwKoubGmc_lduDQSqVcK1D7P-NgDU/s320/Five%20Nights%20at%20Freddy's%204.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">If you have played any of the <i>Five Nights at Freddy’s</i>
games, you realize the previous paragraph describes something very, very
loosely based on the game. Which makes sense. The game is nothing more than a
night security guard trying to survive a night in the pizzeria while murderous
animatronics kill any humans they find. To describe that plot as a bit thin is
to say the ocean is a bit damp. Movies generally need more plot than that,
though the <i>John Wick </i>franchise begs to differ.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">For all you FNaF (this is the only time I will ever use
that awful acronym) fans worried the film won’t lean into the game’s premise,
you can relax. <i>Freddy’s</i> opens with Mike’s predecessor at Freddy’s being slaughtered
by your favorite murder-bots. A little while later, we’ll watch a bunch of
thugs - hired by Aunt Jane to trash the place in an attempt to get Mike fired -
meet their PG-13 ends. Yeah, sorry, this film is rated PG-13, so don’t expect
to actually see any grisly murders or bloodshed. Mike will also spend some time
hiding and running from the bots, but a lot less than time you hope.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrcIaqD6sxH0mdxrTrv1fkB5yXzzdFegQ1O6mCjC_mYgE8WJESsc-eL1x1BJ0iyOyRpxkZ3GB9zdrTNp3Ondql5Vndr6PbM-dWJ8fwNVXSOFo-bi7bKS56F8zKIwzZyJ9byUrjCH5bC4RZ3m_11Mobc70j2knYliWDAeQigyrv4kgDvLzFVpIhQA_GmlA/s1310/Five%20Nights%20at%20Freddy's%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="869" data-original-width="1310" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrcIaqD6sxH0mdxrTrv1fkB5yXzzdFegQ1O6mCjC_mYgE8WJESsc-eL1x1BJ0iyOyRpxkZ3GB9zdrTNp3Ondql5Vndr6PbM-dWJ8fwNVXSOFo-bi7bKS56F8zKIwzZyJ9byUrjCH5bC4RZ3m_11Mobc70j2knYliWDAeQigyrv4kgDvLzFVpIhQA_GmlA/s320/Five%20Nights%20at%20Freddy's%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">During Mike’s first night, he spends the majority of his
time napping in his continual effort to plumb his dreams for Garrett’s
abductor. However, the dream is different than usual. Five children he’s never
seen before show up, confusing Mike. Mike assumes the kids saw the abductor,
but when he starts to ask them about it, they all run away. On night two, the
same thing happens, but when he gets close to the children, they attack him. He
wakes up with a gash on his arm, pointed out to him by police officer Vanessa
(Elizabeth Lail). After Vanessa treats the wound, she shows him around the
restaurant while telling him that Freddy’s closed after five children were
murdered there. Between that and the fact that Mike’s dreams have been invaded
by those same five children, we’ve got a supernatural murder mystery. Please
pass the Scooby-snacks.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">In a confounding decision by the writers, night three
features Abby befriending the murder-bots and introducing them to Mike. Night
four is even sillier, as Mike, Abby, and Vanessa build a table and chair fort
with the bots, basically having a slumber party with them. What is happening? This
isn’t scary at all. We are deep into Mystery Machine territory at this point.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDzT3Cbd3FuY5Doq2NcnZGHmDFzNNgyrAfBNf-BznWE7qVtWlsUyKY4JmaJhwR_EOfyyhfDczPxklzB12lTzb59ptb1VEqyn6lM7oWKkqSVayzcF5zF4skYBKXUT_mnGj_AFDjogFQ-HX7S1ag0QNwzhFoLGR5Lx4HqSPIG9N9msh-CQOv4DlPwzCfxPI/s1283/Five%20Nights%20at%20Freddy's%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="868" data-original-width="1283" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDzT3Cbd3FuY5Doq2NcnZGHmDFzNNgyrAfBNf-BznWE7qVtWlsUyKY4JmaJhwR_EOfyyhfDczPxklzB12lTzb59ptb1VEqyn6lM7oWKkqSVayzcF5zF4skYBKXUT_mnGj_AFDjogFQ-HX7S1ag0QNwzhFoLGR5Lx4HqSPIG9N9msh-CQOv4DlPwzCfxPI/s320/Five%20Nights%20at%20Freddy's%20poster.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">In its closing act, the movie heads toward its fifth and
final night. I appreciate that the five nights Mike spends at Freddy’s happens
organically rather than because of some contrived deadline or curse. What I
don’t appreciate is how predictably the final act plays out due to either poor
acting, directing, or writing. One or more of those is responsible for Vanessa
behaving suspiciously in literally every scene she’s in. Ditto for Steve Raglan
in his one scene up to this point. And since we learn that the robots are
possessed by the ghosts of the five murdered children, we know they can’t be
acting on their own. All that’s left now is for the killer to be unmasked. And
yes, the real killer will be unmasked, and yes, it happens because of those
meddling kids.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">From what I heard from other audience members after the
film concluded was that the film featured a ton of callbacks and easter eggs
for the fans. And they seemed to be happy with it. For those of us that aren’t
fanboys, we were less than thrilled. The film never commits to anything. It’s
kind of a slasher flick, except it’s also kind of a kid’s movie, except it
might be a murder mystery. Regardless of which, it was also a depressing film.
A film about murderous Country Bear / Chuck-E-Cheese / Show-Biz analogues
should be fun, if not funny, to watch. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Freddy’s</i>
definitely did not have a sense of humor that it was aware of, though it is
unintentionally funny that Lillard’s career has become almost entirely comprised
of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Scooby-Doo</i> work (eleven films and
fifty-two television episodes in the last six years). Zoinks is right.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Rating: You should
ask for seventeen dollars back...even if you are fanboy.<o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-41651693816025389302023-09-20T21:11:00.001-06:002023-09-20T21:11:07.906-06:00“Dumb Money” - Cha-ching!<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp-k-g7Dx88a7dGcD8p31Q9YYlvsZxWQN5j3Q6MLLnrfWTaLHhEmb5Dvr2--wzZBchZQQl32P0qhmQV0J-9tgSzEPCr733MU-iDl0pn4ZppEX2x5GYbL8kVEsFCJbN37_uDjez3vf4DwIEnohqeiTM8BYO_TTqAegrjsdWLjyfVbjjkraoMjxn8l4krO8/s873/Dumb%20Money%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="873" data-original-width="587" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp-k-g7Dx88a7dGcD8p31Q9YYlvsZxWQN5j3Q6MLLnrfWTaLHhEmb5Dvr2--wzZBchZQQl32P0qhmQV0J-9tgSzEPCr733MU-iDl0pn4ZppEX2x5GYbL8kVEsFCJbN37_uDjez3vf4DwIEnohqeiTM8BYO_TTqAegrjsdWLjyfVbjjkraoMjxn8l4krO8/s320/Dumb%20Money%20poster.png" width="215" /></a></div>People love to fantasize about striking it rich in
various ways. Winning the lottery, nailing the parlay at the track, becoming a YouTube
star, or inheriting a fortune from cranky old Aunt Ethyl after she falls into a
pile of fur coats and suffocates to death. What’s that? Aunt Ethyl is okay?
Thank goodness.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Of all the various ways to get rich, playing the stock
market might be the one people believe they have the best chance at. Like the
recent explosion in legal sports gambling, investing in stocks has become
radically easier thanks to the Internet. And, like all those other get-rich
avenues (including good old-fashioned casinos), the stock market is rigged to
favor the house. Oh sure, we the underdog have a chance to win it big, but that
chance is tinier than Aunt Ethyl’s generosity.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">In <i>Dumb Money</i>, Keith Gill (Paul Dano) is the
underdog. Keith is a lower-middle-class financial analyst by day and a vlogging
webcaster by night. Under the excellent monikers Roaring Kitty and
DeepFuckingValue, Keith discusses his personal financial choices in YouTube
videos and posts on a subreddit page called WallStreetBets. Believing that
GameStop stock is undervalued and the company itself is worth investing in,
Keith invests his life savings ($53,000) in the stock and posts a screenshot of
his portfolio to prove to his viewers the investment is real. As the weeks and
months go by, he continues to vlog about the stock’s progress, using his
portfolio spreadsheets as the background in his videos to maintain credibility.
And Keith’s investment risk is real, as his wife Caroline (Shailene Woodley)
and baby are in this boat with him.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4KXrL1z8tm6jSqdgJcFLNVVERDpZbu5XkTw1IRRXs2WSHVSueyI4_TnvYQlZfS7dR6Cgi3lI-RiDarSypSsE7-RthZBlxUXSjgVfO6iEGQu7aphpRJHA07NXqAP6VCzKJzqwHyKB3ZfCVDuWWUYWXryviG2nNY35vClyOG6wXHS2q8SRbFkbIdLE7iZM/s1310/Dumb%20Money%204.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="875" data-original-width="1310" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4KXrL1z8tm6jSqdgJcFLNVVERDpZbu5XkTw1IRRXs2WSHVSueyI4_TnvYQlZfS7dR6Cgi3lI-RiDarSypSsE7-RthZBlxUXSjgVfO6iEGQu7aphpRJHA07NXqAP6VCzKJzqwHyKB3ZfCVDuWWUYWXryviG2nNY35vClyOG6wXHS2q8SRbFkbIdLE7iZM/s320/Dumb%20Money%204.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Meanwhile, the villains of the story are betting the
opposite of Keith. Hedge fund managers Gabe Plotkin (Seth Rogen) and Steve
Cohen (Vincent D’Onofrio) have heavily invested in short sells of GameStop
stock, believing the company is on the brink of bankruptcy. Plotkin and Cohen
are always featured talking to each other on the phone while walking around their
ostentatious mansions. Occasionally, another hedge fund manager Kenneth C.
Griffin (Nick Offerman), will call in to offer smug support. Offerman-as-Griffin
perfectly oozes contempt and condescension at his less-rich counterparts, but
is willing to help them in the same way the witch is willing to help Hansel and
Gretel.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Finally, we have the rest of the common folk, a.k.a.
retail investors, derisively referred to as Dumb Money by the villains. The common
folk are you and me and nurses and salesclerks and massively indebted college
students (America Ferrera, Anthony Ramos, Myha’la Herrold, and Talia Ryder in
this movie’s example) who have proverbial pennies to invest in the stock
market. As Keith’s videos start to gain attention and new followers, the previously
mentioned common folk invest what various amounts they can in GameStop stock,
inspired by Keith’s easygoing honesty.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAJdf9khMFWqP5HPA4HsOSd9P0_qz0nyOnzTn1ySMKXiz3AJvF-oZLW-v8d5KVQZo__suHIhhyZg7mGuudK68Nl7lvSB7MJNOrggdui-qCG36Z7rBATFlncVzGehbBI1L7_8mZ62Gsvat9ugnldRF_Wpr_wrtWnu35C6Jt9VZMkxvQViQLX4wn_pnRKoQ/s1315/Dumb%20Money%202.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="875" data-original-width="1315" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAJdf9khMFWqP5HPA4HsOSd9P0_qz0nyOnzTn1ySMKXiz3AJvF-oZLW-v8d5KVQZo__suHIhhyZg7mGuudK68Nl7lvSB7MJNOrggdui-qCG36Z7rBATFlncVzGehbBI1L7_8mZ62Gsvat9ugnldRF_Wpr_wrtWnu35C6Jt9VZMkxvQViQLX4wn_pnRKoQ/s320/Dumb%20Money%202.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">As Keith and company follow the slow, steady, upward
climb of their stock, we are treated to updates to each person’s value. In an
ingenious bit of inspiration, the film introduces every character we meet by
giving us their name and net worth (in dollars) printed on screen, ranging from
Keith’s solid $90,000 to Keith’s brother’s (Pete Davidson) dozens of dollars to
the college students’ six-figure debts. The 99% of us can easily relate to
those people. And we also get the same for the hedge fund managers, with their eight-
and nine-figure fortunes. The 99% of us can easily hate those people.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">In case you weren’t aware, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dumb Money</i> is based on recent true events. While the common folk
were invented for dramatic purposes, Keith and the hedge fund trio are actual
people. As the stock price continued to climb and GameStop didn’t go bankrupt,
the hedge fund managers started to panic about a “short squeeze.” In very basic
terms, the hedge funds were all losing massive amounts of money while the
commoners were actually realizing the American Dream. Adding to the story is
that the investing turned into a cause. When the subreddit community realized
that the rich hedge fund managers could just bail each other out, the community
vowed to hang on to the stock and keep buying to drive the price ever further.
The film does a great job of building the tension by bouncing between the
various characters, making us wonder if the commoners are going to cash out and
the hedge fund managers are going to go broke before the reality that rich
people rarely ever lose comes crashing down on the community.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJsvFClKyc7InXpxnaRwlA0mVln9bgTkgxsZ7QnlEm_JI5N11xqeYvZhGQ7HLG1r6TDdg1I9IRl_M81X2Qldiv5sDnTcs0M9Hy4FSuPLRjnt4LDLIysHkyyxFRfsCxW3eaNyhIX2G6cBSaWE1yc64N7OYA_3MqGX_TGgRPWVFZwOoQtQBbD4Ad-0yTvfY/s1311/Dumb%20Money%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="871" data-original-width="1311" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJsvFClKyc7InXpxnaRwlA0mVln9bgTkgxsZ7QnlEm_JI5N11xqeYvZhGQ7HLG1r6TDdg1I9IRl_M81X2Qldiv5sDnTcs0M9Hy4FSuPLRjnt4LDLIysHkyyxFRfsCxW3eaNyhIX2G6cBSaWE1yc64N7OYA_3MqGX_TGgRPWVFZwOoQtQBbD4Ad-0yTvfY/s320/Dumb%20Money%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">As good as the story is, the performances really make the
film. While Dano does a decent job of delivering a protagonist that we can get
behind, my favorite characters are the trio of hedge fund managers and the two
college students. As much as I enjoyed Ferrera’s nurse and Ramos’ GameStop
clerk, the two college students’ throwing caution to the wind was so much more
fun to root for. Almost as much fun as rooting for Plotkin to end up under a
pile of trash like the Duke brothers from <i>Trading
Places</i>.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Perhaps the best aspect of the movie is that the
filmmakers subtly make the film better by doing the opposite of a couple of
things that normally make movies worse. One is that they open the film in a
chaotic and off-putting way, using abrasive music and quickly jumping between a
bunch of characters. They throw a bunch of dissonant stuff at us really
quickly, practically daring us to walk out of the film before it’s even really
started. The other is that most of the characters have almost no development
beyond their name and net worth. Character development is usually key to get
the audience to sympathize with characters. In this case, we need the commoners
to stay common. Anything more and they might feel artificial, even special.
That’s why showing us their names and net worth works so well - that’s all we
need.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Despite knowing how the real-life story played out, I was
still captured by the film. Why wouldn’t I be? I love an underdog story as much
as anyone, especially one where the underdog has a chance to strike it rich.
Just like me, if I can find a couple more fur coats to add to the pile.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Rating: Don’t ask
for any money back because this investment was worth it.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-36306107560173722672023-09-10T18:43:00.004-06:002023-09-10T19:17:51.355-06:00“My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3” - Now with more Greece.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRjimje2ydMwIJv8z2svhbRlERLA1VTxZutFRHmdaH_erX9iOnA845x76B5sW86xw6J59Z7G9AFyRIzXX-KCvhkBrRT_2Us2WLV_CYsOg8iyqE6Dz95ENXMdfbgNcc-7uubDFXcPAVH5JePd9EDhSqZZNz1dS_IfMN93Eu6h-NmHSGII6GeWDBpwmLUTQ/s872/My%20Big%20Fat%20Greek%20Wedding%203%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="872" data-original-width="583" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRjimje2ydMwIJv8z2svhbRlERLA1VTxZutFRHmdaH_erX9iOnA845x76B5sW86xw6J59Z7G9AFyRIzXX-KCvhkBrRT_2Us2WLV_CYsOg8iyqE6Dz95ENXMdfbgNcc-7uubDFXcPAVH5JePd9EDhSqZZNz1dS_IfMN93Eu6h-NmHSGII6GeWDBpwmLUTQ/s320/My%20Big%20Fat%20Greek%20Wedding%203%20poster.png" width="214" /></a></div>Everyone has that relative who loves nothing more than to
set up a slide show for two hours of show-and-tell about their recent trip to
Baton Rouge. <i>My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3</i> was a lot like that slide
show...<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">[TV suddenly shuts off the football game mid-third-quarter]</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Aunt Nia: [Sets down remote control] Ok everyone. It’s
time for my slide show. You’ll really get a kick out this.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Young child: But we were watching the game! Can’t this
wait?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">[Aunt Nia scowls and the child shrinks back into the
couch]</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Aunt Nia: Here we are in my mom Maria’s (Lainie Kazan)
living room, staring at an urn containing my dad Gus’ ashes. It’s been a little
while since Gus passed and we decided to go through a bunch of things. There’s
aunt Theia (Andrew Martin), Aunt Frieda (Maria Vacratsis), and cousin Nick
(Louis Mandylor).</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIpx5fq2r2xnqaoZ9ycFsR6e2ctxHzYhx57A2PYP-5pRxWOEzrN_WyMsupSz_mjabApyU_qD00BLdLPRx1i-fwf1irsBIaSMsfYqiZ8H_-oF_AhEPK51E6lTueKpeppWXn3sfBI2LSNkXgzL3rpS7HodzrrMzw3WTGz0Q4o2pq0KjWnJcM0U0AzF_Ddgw/s1557/My%20Big%20Fat%20Greek%20Wedding%203%202.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="873" data-original-width="1557" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIpx5fq2r2xnqaoZ9ycFsR6e2ctxHzYhx57A2PYP-5pRxWOEzrN_WyMsupSz_mjabApyU_qD00BLdLPRx1i-fwf1irsBIaSMsfYqiZ8H_-oF_AhEPK51E6lTueKpeppWXn3sfBI2LSNkXgzL3rpS7HodzrrMzw3WTGz0Q4o2pq0KjWnJcM0U0AzF_Ddgw/s320/My%20Big%20Fat%20Greek%20Wedding%203%202.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: Here we are looking at old pictures of dad and his
friends when they were young. And here we are looking through dad’s journal. Dad’s
dying wish was that he wanted those friends to have his journal, so we decided
to go to his boyhood village, find his friends, and give them the journal.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Young child: What is in the journal?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: That’s nobody else’s business.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Young child: But...</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: Shush.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: Here is Victory (Melina Kotselou), the mayor of
dad’s old town. She picked us up at the airport. Isn’t the rickety old truck
funny? [Chuckles to herself]</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: Victory also organized a big reunion and a place for
us to stay in the town. She was really nice, but super weird and eccentric.
That word is Greek. [Chuckles to herself]</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: Here’s a picture of the Parthenon while we drove by
it. And here are a couple more Greek landmarks we didn’t stop at.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Young child: Why didn’t you stop and look at any of those
things?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: Reasons.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Young child: But...</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: Shush.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwfnFrvljmHgCtJU4khHcXIK8glEKssYCjGE0Dw7__LcQilU9PMibYvEglfubAWOCI5WaVH8mQec3vWInzU6qcHv2ic146IlkqTEQiob64eL9ytFLGSNh_nVxy-CYgSHdA2_OY-xjt1baf6LR0alabL7gEJPjuzfGCqmvhREZLml-xdxETQsRYR2XkBSY/s1553/My%20Big%20Fat%20Greek%20Wedding%203%204.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="870" data-original-width="1553" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwfnFrvljmHgCtJU4khHcXIK8glEKssYCjGE0Dw7__LcQilU9PMibYvEglfubAWOCI5WaVH8mQec3vWInzU6qcHv2ic146IlkqTEQiob64eL9ytFLGSNh_nVxy-CYgSHdA2_OY-xjt1baf6LR0alabL7gEJPjuzfGCqmvhREZLml-xdxETQsRYR2XkBSY/s320/My%20Big%20Fat%20Greek%20Wedding%203%204.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: Here we are at a beach we stopped at on the way to
town. We ran in with all our clothes on. Even our shoes. Isn’t that hilarious?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: After we finally got to town, Victory abandoned us
to take a nap or something, so we sat for a few hours by a tree in the plaza. Here
is a picture of us in the plaza. Victory didn’t show us where our lodgings
were, so we figured we should wait for her to come back. It sounds boring, but
it sure was a nice little plaza. That word is Greek. [Chuckles to herself]</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: Victory finally came back after night fell. She took
us to an old, rickety, abandoned house where we would be staying. Here is the
inside of the house. It’s just one big room and we all slept in various places
in the room. Just like dad did (probably).</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: Here we are looking through dad’s journal. There are
a lot of interesting stories in there.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Young child: Can you tell us one of the stories?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: I told you to mind your own business.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Young child: But...</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: Shush!</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio9dirPqm7ph3ifeRcngU33Bol9S_15Kf2wjktoXCNkRCwLr_LmV4bCGqNGqnzRDRFpZlBZqMGTNKRNKFDoQW22f9QCG48rDgu1WxCsiLc5jeCCCusJ4Ldz46iRKaawFEINibIKx_wII7pp6C_8KXj-nGu2lfs1DHwolS68QVzDfXele2GXS7pu3FzgMg/s1558/My%20Big%20Fat%20Greek%20Wedding%203%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="871" data-original-width="1558" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio9dirPqm7ph3ifeRcngU33Bol9S_15Kf2wjktoXCNkRCwLr_LmV4bCGqNGqnzRDRFpZlBZqMGTNKRNKFDoQW22f9QCG48rDgu1WxCsiLc5jeCCCusJ4Ldz46iRKaawFEINibIKx_wII7pp6C_8KXj-nGu2lfs1DHwolS68QVzDfXele2GXS7pu3FzgMg/s320/My%20Big%20Fat%20Greek%20Wedding%203%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: Here is a picture of me and my husband Ian (John
Corbett) not meddling in our daughter Paris’ (Elena Kampouris) personal life.
Her other aunts are the ones meddling. They invited Aristotle (Elias Kacavas)
along on the trip as a “guide” with the hope that Paris and Aristotle would
fall in love.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: Here are Paris and Aristotle sneaking out to go to a
rave. I remember when I was a kid, thinking my parents didn’t know when I snuck
out of the house. Kids are funny. [Chuckles to herself]</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: And this is Peter (Alexis Georgoulis). When I first
saw him, I instantly forgot I was married. Then, I found out he was my
half-brother. Even then...yum. Haha. Just kidding. If you only think about
incest, but don’t act on it, it’s a joke that is funny no matter how many times
you tell it.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: [Staring off into the distance]</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Young child: [Whispering] Dad, is she okay?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Dad: Yes. And no.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: [Eyes closed; still silent]</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Young child: [Whispering] Does this mean she’s done?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Dad: Hang on... [Moving the slide projector forward
several slides, making as little noise as possible]</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Dad: [Gently nudges Nia] Nia...</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: [Startling] Where was I?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Dad: You were just getting to the last day of the trip.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieIicJf7tZvfIXYiPMqO9jNTfhqoqH17ZQ2iRrRJethHCMC5lqDUKV4uRdrlrl1MjN6aVEiSYo4qExQiuhnqkdj62RSSSdP-IHFq27IW3niG5MAxrFccflf2_0xaZ_yIka4Ca74rKCQAaVFXuWX8kO-4opG8OEOOl4KL4dXJkVLdcL1WyeepL8Zl-LMvQ/s1558/My%20Big%20Fat%20Greek%20Wedding%203%201.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="873" data-original-width="1558" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieIicJf7tZvfIXYiPMqO9jNTfhqoqH17ZQ2iRrRJethHCMC5lqDUKV4uRdrlrl1MjN6aVEiSYo4qExQiuhnqkdj62RSSSdP-IHFq27IW3niG5MAxrFccflf2_0xaZ_yIka4Ca74rKCQAaVFXuWX8kO-4opG8OEOOl4KL4dXJkVLdcL1WyeepL8Zl-LMvQ/s320/My%20Big%20Fat%20Greek%20Wedding%203%201.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: Oh yes. So, Victory had not found dad’s old friends.
Nor had she found more than a couple local people to attend the reunion. So, I
called Nikki (Gia Carides) and Angelo (Joey Fatone) to get their help. Here
they are in Greece partying after having decided to hop on a flight to track
down dad’s friends. And here they are again. And again. And again.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: Meanwhile back in town, we and Victory held the
reunion and a wedding. Here are some pictures.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Young child: Did Paris and Aristotle get married?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: Don’t be silly. Their relationship wasn’t believable
at all. No, the people that got married were my cousin and a Syrian refugee.
That word is Greek. [Chuckles to herself]</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Young child: Why do you keep saying that?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Nia: Because it was kind of funny twenty years ago and is
still funny. [Stares off into the distance again]</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Young child: [Whispering] Dad, this is soooooo boring.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Rating: Ask Nia for all of your money back and to
never show the slideshow again.<o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-84274275839661183982023-08-29T21:31:00.001-06:002023-08-29T21:31:45.539-06:00“Gran Turismo” - Nerds...in...raaAaAAaaaAaaace.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRy75A45xAVI5BIhVQ7HtCgdTwZESDZcGNqxmNpQXjixrill6QveMMvFgwwNWuV_hLb5E9lEcXTmNai4Y6oVIpFKUkuwrNkD0aG0RlIFaKx1vfgFEjG7fxlGWihlJzc91znFsLT500jol3hUB5DleXk1lKnVtwaNBHT3kppsend9PutxrTVkxxJp_CLR8/s875/Gran%20Turismo%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="875" data-original-width="582" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRy75A45xAVI5BIhVQ7HtCgdTwZESDZcGNqxmNpQXjixrill6QveMMvFgwwNWuV_hLb5E9lEcXTmNai4Y6oVIpFKUkuwrNkD0aG0RlIFaKx1vfgFEjG7fxlGWihlJzc91znFsLT500jol3hUB5DleXk1lKnVtwaNBHT3kppsend9PutxrTVkxxJp_CLR8/s320/Gran%20Turismo%20poster.png" width="213" /></a></div>Every video gamer dreams of playing video games as a
career profession. I once seriously considered applying for job as a video game
tester that listed among its requirements a “deep knowledge of baseball.” My
childhood dream was to become a professional baseball player and a job playing
a baseball video game sure seemed like a great consolation prize. Except, the
job was located in San Francisco and paid like it was in Jackson, Mississippi.
Dreams dashed again. But not every dream is crushed by the harsh reality of
economics and, well, reality.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Gran Turismo</i> tells the story of Jann Mardenborough
(portrayed by Archie Madekwe), a video gamer who actually realized his dream of
becoming a racecar driver. To be clear, the video game itself does not tell
that story, just the film. As the film makes very clear, Gran Turismo the game
is a racing simulator. The prologue of the film shows the game’s creator,
Kazunori Yamauchi (portrayed in the film by Takehiro Hira), creating the game
with the intention of making it the most realistic racing game possible. It
will not come as a surprise to anyone familiar with sports movies that this
little nugget of information will be leaned on by Jann on more than one
occasion.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Following the film’s prologue, we meet Jann and he is every
bit the stereotypical nerdy gamer. He’s an adult man living with his parents.
He works as a salesclerk at a clothing store. He splits his free time between
playing Gran Turismo in his room and playing Gran Turismo in an arcade. He
spends all his money on the ultimate gaming setup. He’s socially awkward and
hasn’t the slightest idea how to talk to his crush. Or to most humans, for that
matter. The only thing missing is a subscription to a Funyun delivery service.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4sfosgkRoLYIJh_oPOtavCsmfSj8ko_2UBCTla9nO7RyBuzugKMIIzerA4enLV2hbY-UkeShX4eGqTeIE1oES3mWbot0hmUxh1QYYM5is8ONMPAERhhRyxiXi07_U-_Ok0lD_0a5ZiXz5-n0mvucNapXde2c_oGWl-vnGKaxfQVX5g9AK3L8iSMNDZVA/s1557/Gran%20Turismo%201.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="874" data-original-width="1557" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4sfosgkRoLYIJh_oPOtavCsmfSj8ko_2UBCTla9nO7RyBuzugKMIIzerA4enLV2hbY-UkeShX4eGqTeIE1oES3mWbot0hmUxh1QYYM5is8ONMPAERhhRyxiXi07_U-_Ok0lD_0a5ZiXz5-n0mvucNapXde2c_oGWl-vnGKaxfQVX5g9AK3L8iSMNDZVA/s320/Gran%20Turismo%201.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">And, like all gamers, Jann’s parents (Djimon Hounsou and
Geri Halliwell Horner) are very frustrated and disapproving of his lifestyle.
At one point, his dad tricks him into working with him at the railyards to
teach him a lesson about where his life is heading. And, of course, this just
makes Jann more determined to chase his racing dream.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Luckily for Jann, Nissan marketing executive Danny Moore
(Orlando Bloom) convinces Nissan to create and fund the GT Academy with the
purpose of training sim drivers (a.k.a. gamers) as real-life racing drivers (no,
seriously - the GT Academy was a real thing that operated from 2008 to 2016).
Jann is invited to participate in a qualification race within the game where
the winner earns a place in the academy.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Once at the academy, Jann meets chief engineer and former
racer Jack Salter (David Harbour). Jack’s job is to train all the contest
winners to be real racers and, in easily the best movie speech in years, tells
them all he thinks the entire idea is stupid and dangerous. Harbour’s Jack is
nearly identical to his <i>Stranger Things</i> Hopper character, and it works
like a charm. He’s cynical and snarky, yet sympathetic and caring. He tells
people what he really thinks and it takes all of Danny’s patience not to fire
Jack on the spot.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWDvAojLvefC2Lcr3024JGNa1tIEiAb_PatynAKZ2Vo9aYjHfIOURrbPFR3IdCzkex0WVmSBE_UYkrRmY8QqIY8u-Kk-1AYFHKlhpIOqgizL_A9Ud28LLb7ED8zUEjobnzmcwsxuqqQsMwzpqhxdlPCPzVwQdmd9YIi9xcasVwaQH-Wzd5-_A71szO5q8/s1554/Gran%20Turismo%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="871" data-original-width="1554" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWDvAojLvefC2Lcr3024JGNa1tIEiAb_PatynAKZ2Vo9aYjHfIOURrbPFR3IdCzkex0WVmSBE_UYkrRmY8QqIY8u-Kk-1AYFHKlhpIOqgizL_A9Ud28LLb7ED8zUEjobnzmcwsxuqqQsMwzpqhxdlPCPzVwQdmd9YIi9xcasVwaQH-Wzd5-_A71szO5q8/s320/Gran%20Turismo%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Jann is one of twelve contest winners at the academy and
they learn that they are competing with each other for a chance to race for
Nissan in professional races. This being a sports movie, you know exactly how
this act will play out. For that matter, you know how the rest of the movie will
play out. One recurring element of the movie is that Jann can see “alternate
lines” – driving routes that take risks and deviate from the standard lines he
is supposed to follow. But the movie itself cannot see any alternate lines, and
can only follow the established sports/racing movie formula. Specifically, <i>Days
of Thunder</i>. Jann is the underdog who has to convince several people he is
for real, has a grizzled old mentor, vanquish various racing foes throughout
the film, overcome an incident on the track, and even gets a girl in the end. And
just like <i>Days of Thunder</i>, the spectacular racing scenes are the best
part of the film. That’s not to say that Madekwe, Harbour, and Hounsou don’t
deliver some very good performances, but we watch racing movies for the racing.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaDPH5MacUeKCRS2EpL43KFUWNG4FRd02cCi1OnWQIa_Qpn_abGwdK1vdvRGpCqG5oz0A1iXPO2SuAk1JI52uaOivW9WNoIMCDt8jQu0AgE2LphAu3q6XYCxNEyRYCPH-kJhgfUSSE5Crna7S--WqrRGUkGOMxDQfXnAJm5ZMRIQlR0vqFYDga1m8rq3o/s1431/Gran%20Turismo%204.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="871" data-original-width="1431" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaDPH5MacUeKCRS2EpL43KFUWNG4FRd02cCi1OnWQIa_Qpn_abGwdK1vdvRGpCqG5oz0A1iXPO2SuAk1JI52uaOivW9WNoIMCDt8jQu0AgE2LphAu3q6XYCxNEyRYCPH-kJhgfUSSE5Crna7S--WqrRGUkGOMxDQfXnAJm5ZMRIQlR0vqFYDga1m8rq3o/s320/Gran%20Turismo%204.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Directed by Neill Blomkamp, Blomkamp injects a bit of the
video game into the film in very creative ways. If you’ve ever played a
PlayStation game, you will recognize several of the sound effects incorporated
into the race scenes, as well as the visualized racing lines the racers are
trying to follow. It also features several scenes where a hologram schematic of
a car materializes around Jann, then dematerializes after a few seconds. Once
he is driving real cars, the same type of effect happens, except we are taken
into the inner workings of the car (usually the engine) and the effects look
like real parts instead of holograms. It’s a neat way to engage the audience to
make the point - Jann is in the zone, baby!</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">I admit that I expected this movie to be like most
video-game based movies - mediocre at best and laughably bad at worst. Instead,
I found myself thoroughly enjoying a film that wasn’t a video-game movie at
all, but a biopic about a cool story that just happens to involve a video game.
It’s a very well-constructed, albeit safe, film that immerses you in the story
and the tension as if it is a new experience, even though you already saw this
movie when it featured Tom Cruise.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Rating: Don’t ask for any money back and keep playing
those games. You never know when the next executive will start a new academy.<o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-76993431364545981792023-08-13T17:20:00.004-06:002023-08-13T17:20:56.619-06:00“The Last Voyage of the Demeter” - Batman begins.<p><i></i></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvxGztdEv2mRjVVWIv4iwiUBVD-Swjc8LkoE0tQs5QoNExjnJZqemFW4L4Jwdec5-2IoAk8MD7L8gzmYLqkr48-nmN6sSsQlnUi_R3-1l5rKdwV3dE3PMyh3xqmV3Femzq2szI-P68qq9seyjtj_CVO9kekQ1qxT9JiEIW4RafLkDKzAxcWq97ZKQ3-AM/s872/The%20Last%20Voyage%20of%20the%20Demeter%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="872" data-original-width="581" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvxGztdEv2mRjVVWIv4iwiUBVD-Swjc8LkoE0tQs5QoNExjnJZqemFW4L4Jwdec5-2IoAk8MD7L8gzmYLqkr48-nmN6sSsQlnUi_R3-1l5rKdwV3dE3PMyh3xqmV3Femzq2szI-P68qq9seyjtj_CVO9kekQ1qxT9JiEIW4RafLkDKzAxcWq97ZKQ3-AM/s320/The%20Last%20Voyage%20of%20the%20Demeter%20poster.png" width="213" /></a></i></div><i>The following is a series of entries from a critic’s
log.</i> <p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">9 Aug, 7:15 pm - While searching for my seat, I am
surrounded by groups of people dressed as if it is Halloween. They are not
dressed in the cheap outfits found at certain Halloween stores that infest
abandoned Toys ‘R’ Us. These are costumes of good and high quality. Leather.
Lace. Intricate. Very well-fitting. They are excited for the film. I am
encouraged by this sign.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">7:16 pm - Halloween is the best.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">7:17 pm - My seat eludes me. I am distracted by the
costumes, but more distracted by the decor of the theater. It features a gothic
Mayan style and a seat configuration long abandoned by modern movie theaters.
There is even a balcony. This place is no stranger to films. Another
encouraging sign.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">7:18 pm - With help, I have found my seat. A fellow
critic strikes up a conversation with me as we await the opening curtain. He
does not mention the cinematic journey we are about to embark on. Strange. Does
he know something I do not?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">7:31 pm - The lights dim and the journey begins with...</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">7:32 pm - Opening narration title cards?! I fear my
optimism was premature.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">7:34 pm - My fear has proven prescient. After reading the
cards, characters in the opening scene immediately proceed to show and tell us
what we just read. [long sigh]</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLGhMhcFO_rm-MVJQMJKmrxMdIdI_GYWBCjqQW-cihBunS2QmATro6TorQkjrGFTVmtXVDBUnFHt5aYpfUI6SxeOGxVWdu6oHL2rPWuUmveMFQFPFbXtdIAHBBCXez3lXRxSJXoC1rpn1TkHe_-pyJ9hdBWK-IkSnHnCiI_kxFh85AkswgqDmIPzfuV_0/s1399/The%20Last%20Voyage%20of%20the%20Demeter%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="581" data-original-width="1399" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLGhMhcFO_rm-MVJQMJKmrxMdIdI_GYWBCjqQW-cihBunS2QmATro6TorQkjrGFTVmtXVDBUnFHt5aYpfUI6SxeOGxVWdu6oHL2rPWuUmveMFQFPFbXtdIAHBBCXez3lXRxSJXoC1rpn1TkHe_-pyJ9hdBWK-IkSnHnCiI_kxFh85AkswgqDmIPzfuV_0/s320/The%20Last%20Voyage%20of%20the%20Demeter%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">7:36 pm - We’ve been told twice that this film is based
on Captain Elliot’s log of the final voyage of his ship, the Demeter. I wonder
if it matters that I have never read Bram Stoker’s <u>Dracula</u>?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">7:36 pm - I’ve seen <i>Dracula, Dead and Loving It</i>.
Close enough.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">7:45 pm - I’ve now been introduced to Captain Elliot
(Liam Cunningham), first mate Wojchek (David Dastmalchian), and prospective
crewmate and doctor, Clemens (Corey Hawkins). Clemens really wants to join the
crew of the Demeter but is rejected by Wojchek in favor of a one-eyed man. I
wonder if Clemens is secretly Renfield? Or Harkins?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">7:46 pm - Clemens rescues eight-year-old Toby (Woody
Norman) from being crushed by a wooden crate adorned with a fancy and ominous dragon
seal on it. The one-eyed man was helping load it aboard the ship, but dropped
the rope when he realized he was carrying a slumbering Dracula. I’m all for
foreshadowing, but a literal cyclops might be a little too on the nose.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">7:47 pm - Speaking of foreshadowing, Captain Elliot sure looks
like the same actor who played Captain Smith in <i>Titanic</i>. I am uncertain
but chuckling at the possibility. I hope the rest of this movie is entertaining
enough that I don’t dwell on this for the rest of the film.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsC7wERi3U9xJbmZ-hNU4Xd9eo3e8QqV0vcNejA0FZxAepMyTNWqhx0zslhsAnCeLb6WW7JDGZzWw9ab9EZn6qzANuyQ3Ar-c-udqXjLlWTSCgIxa5JUSmrzgYLxsJ-bTCFwCNJh9bxACcZ2IkzfZ5ZAUjaj89rdraubjCQ40-M3QYbcinPTlnpSvsl-A/s1399/The%20Last%20Voyage%20of%20the%20Demeter%205.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="581" data-original-width="1399" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsC7wERi3U9xJbmZ-hNU4Xd9eo3e8QqV0vcNejA0FZxAepMyTNWqhx0zslhsAnCeLb6WW7JDGZzWw9ab9EZn6qzANuyQ3Ar-c-udqXjLlWTSCgIxa5JUSmrzgYLxsJ-bTCFwCNJh9bxACcZ2IkzfZ5ZAUjaj89rdraubjCQ40-M3QYbcinPTlnpSvsl-A/s320/The%20Last%20Voyage%20of%20the%20Demeter%205.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">7:50 pm - Crewmember Olgaren (Stefan Kapicic) intrigues
me. He is a large man but speaks with a soft, confident demeanor. I would like
to get to know him once the Demeter leaves port.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">7:51 pm - Wojchek has begrudgingly replaced the cyclops
with Clemens. Clemens is excited and relieved that he may finally return to his
home in England. Wojchek does not trust him and the captain values Wojchek’s
instincts. I sense this voyage may include some bumps between them.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">7:52 pm - The Demeter has left port. Finally.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">9 Aug - I have lost track of all time, as no one aboard
seems to know or care how many days have passed. Also, I forgot my watch and
must not activate my mobile device, for fear of being removed from this
journey. I will no longer guess at the time.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">9 Aug - Toby has provided Clemens a quick tour of the
Demeter. It is an enormous ship with a crew that seems too small by at least
half. The full crew consists of the four men I have previously mentioned, plus
four other men. I hope they do not meet any ill weather.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">9 Aug - They have met ill weather.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">9 Aug - As with all slasher films, the bad omens start
out small. The livestock aboard, as well as Toby’s dog, have been killed by an
unknown force. Also, Clemens found a woman buried in a pile of dirt in the
cargo hold. She is unconscious and in extremely poor health. Since he is a
doctor in 1894, of course he is able to diagnosis her specific ailment by
listening to her breathing through a wooden pipe. “She needs a blood
transfusion!” he confidently barks at Wojchek. Wojcheck says she should be
pitched overboard like all stowaways. Captain Elliot sides with Clemens despite
women aboard a ship is considered bad luck.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRrctNmWI9yBAwEoudGnvL7RNGZysdmGhYHgovOzEjucCA3zVYb51-7BLQeOtHu1uWg9-Vgd0LQMfm3pAGb0PeVUjzAqJeckttIDFfNsII3JpdhzKd2oprBepIK9rUe-UIRVuV4PfRznSlYtVjcnIZF4FC89QFNsuR1gKVlBmn_u-kV7i7IOaPru_8F80/s1403/The%20Last%20Voyage%20of%20the%20Demeter%202.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="581" data-original-width="1403" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRrctNmWI9yBAwEoudGnvL7RNGZysdmGhYHgovOzEjucCA3zVYb51-7BLQeOtHu1uWg9-Vgd0LQMfm3pAGb0PeVUjzAqJeckttIDFfNsII3JpdhzKd2oprBepIK9rUe-UIRVuV4PfRznSlYtVjcnIZF4FC89QFNsuR1gKVlBmn_u-kV7i7IOaPru_8F80/s320/The%20Last%20Voyage%20of%20the%20Demeter%202.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">9 Aug - More ill weather.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">9 Aug - The woman talks in her sleep, informing Toby her
name is Anna (Aisling Franciosi). Clemens is definitely not Renfield or
Harkins. Pity.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">9 Aug - One of the crew has been killed. I cannot
remember his name. I am not sad though, as he revealed nothing of himself beyond
“sailor.” There are three more of him, equally as generic.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">9 Aug - Still more ill weather. As expected, the omens
have escalated. As the title implied and the discoverers of the derelict said,
there were no survivors. It is not a question of if, but in what order, the
crew will perish. How will they continue to operate the ship?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">9 Aug - I should note that the weather has erratically
changed from good to ill to foggy to sunny to night to ill to iller to calm and
back again. The weather and passage of time make no sense here, nor do they
affect anything. Neither does food, despite the captain making a point that
Clemens must share his rations with Anna. Nothing here matters.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">9 Aug - Captain Elliot looks so much like Captain Smith.
But his face just isn’t quite right. WHO ARE YOU!?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">9 Aug - Elliot said he plans to retire. Olgaren just said
he has a daughter. They might as well paint targets on their necks for Dracula.
I guess I will not know Olgaren better.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqe9sNFdQfuDtqoBHWm8GjMDE1mf5BSrtXSfDhXfary8QbVMpRjg9joizaJXuEClcFXunrMwaABVjLSPn6XVFT4XJKenuO0zV0nrtE-h0oRDqTJJ2Ukd5NExUZ-MsSWXAncOb7_1khkK2P-i7wMrYjjW5Usk66xZyykkbWbSv0GyhbpnU4hRu0iEGYhmE/s1320/The%20Last%20Voyage%20of%20the%20Demeter%201.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="874" data-original-width="1320" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqe9sNFdQfuDtqoBHWm8GjMDE1mf5BSrtXSfDhXfary8QbVMpRjg9joizaJXuEClcFXunrMwaABVjLSPn6XVFT4XJKenuO0zV0nrtE-h0oRDqTJJ2Ukd5NExUZ-MsSWXAncOb7_1khkK2P-i7wMrYjjW5Usk66xZyykkbWbSv0GyhbpnU4hRu0iEGYhmE/s320/The%20Last%20Voyage%20of%20the%20Demeter%201.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">9 Aug - Dracula is literally batman. He has wings and can
fly. He can also turn invisible. Unless Dracula is stupid, the remaining crew
and Anna have no chance. Dracula is not stupid. This voyage is utterly devoid
of drama and tension for so many reasons.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">9 Aug - The crew is dwindling, which means a last stand
is coming. Anna has been awake for awhile and reveals she is Dracula’s travel
snack. I have so many questions about Dracula I would like her to answer. How
long can he go without drinking blood? Did he know how many crew members and
animals would be aboard? Why did Dracula bring so much dirt? If he can pretend
to be a human, why doesn’t he snatch a crewmember and pretend to be that
crewmember? If Dracula can fly, why doesn’t he just leave the boat and fly to
England? Why is all of the Dracula mythology missing from this voyage?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">9 Aug - The voyage has ended precisely as expected. None
of my questions have been answered. Bernard Hill portrayed Captain Smith. I am
left doubly disappointed.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">9 Aug - I approach one group of folks in their fantastic
outfits to ask their opinions. One chap takes too long before answering that
the film was entertaining. Another proposes that a sequel is obviously
intended. Yet a third young lady seems to have already forgotten what she
witnessed, urging the group to follow her to an alehouse across the street. She
and I have like minds.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>9 Aug - Rating: I recommend that if one is inclined to
take this journey, they request all but one dollar back. Such exquisite
costumes are not cheap.<o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-19588068816070786082023-07-25T15:30:00.014-06:002023-07-25T15:30:00.140-06:00“Haunted Mansion” - Disney Scary.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgTKwx9QhLPCzoj9gzPOwy4pK51OCpykmPFldl7lFt5tWJhcaPAcD40P85Sfrhg0h4H1csYzLIx-0BvZBE1L-S5-P_r-c1Yscl4FhrMGd9gqUaTCI3eYQOjByFJbBJkv0yXXvRxFDeaY86Fh1YKw95Zf8u3o_VIyUpKow44WKYiaLLUlgFXeaXAI_8lkU/s873/Haunted%20Mansion%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="873" data-original-width="593" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgTKwx9QhLPCzoj9gzPOwy4pK51OCpykmPFldl7lFt5tWJhcaPAcD40P85Sfrhg0h4H1csYzLIx-0BvZBE1L-S5-P_r-c1Yscl4FhrMGd9gqUaTCI3eYQOjByFJbBJkv0yXXvRxFDeaY86Fh1YKw95Zf8u3o_VIyUpKow44WKYiaLLUlgFXeaXAI_8lkU/s320/Haunted%20Mansion%20poster.png" width="217" /></a></div>The Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland was my favorite
ride when I was a kid. I loved it so much that I would listen to my 78-rpm
story-book record over and over until I fell asleep at night. And don’t think
that I’ve grown out of it. I own Haunted Mansion shirts, a lanyard, a throw
pillow, refrigerator magnets, and multiple pairs of socks. The best part is my
family loves it as much as I do. My wife has a framed schematic of the patented
ride vehicle and replica canvas paintings of the four paintings in the stretching
room. Yeah. We’re weird and we own it.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">So does my son. He always wants to ride the Haunted
Mansion ride when we visit Disneyland and Disney World and after watching the
new <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Haunted Mansion</i> movie, he really
wanted me to interview him about it. We both enjoyed the movie and agree that
it works because they leaned into the ride as hard as they could. Here is what
he had to say...</p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>On a scale of one
to ten, ten being highest, how excited were you to see <i>Haunted Mansion</i>?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Probably a
sssssseven...?</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Where does the Haunted
Mansion ride rank for you of all the rides at Magic Kingdom?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Probably six?</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>So your excitement
for the movie matches the ride?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>I guess.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Why weren’t you
more exited for <i>Haunted Mansion</i>?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>I don’t know, I just
wasn’t.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Did you see the
previous <i>The Haunted Mansion</i> movie?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Yes.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>On a scale of one
to ten, how good was that previous movie?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Probably a negative
two.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>So what about the
new movie makes it better?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>It’s just more like
the ride. It’s creepier. The mood is more Haunted Mansion-y.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQICmajm8mv7PwOiIEwigEM4hx8v_9sv45bxmoguWpl0LVdlPcRWJYevDSZjsTjW8ZjVsv1DlRiuZ5DAE07VQUqxLU6JFMcbNqhgPI-fh0s-0Ej86ggvzi6TGzbhe-W476ayJaKmrkcWq00JwHZYN3qz1X7-5aKLOBH3Vc5StEQWeYnP0jEHFKL_nzeXM/s1559/Haunted%20Mansion%201.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="872" data-original-width="1559" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQICmajm8mv7PwOiIEwigEM4hx8v_9sv45bxmoguWpl0LVdlPcRWJYevDSZjsTjW8ZjVsv1DlRiuZ5DAE07VQUqxLU6JFMcbNqhgPI-fh0s-0Ej86ggvzi6TGzbhe-W476ayJaKmrkcWq00JwHZYN3qz1X7-5aKLOBH3Vc5StEQWeYnP0jEHFKL_nzeXM/s320/Haunted%20Mansion%201.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Is your favorite
part of the ride in this movie?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Kiiiind of.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Tell us about that.<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>My favorite part is
where you go backwards and down in the graveyard, with the flying ghosts
everywhere...oh wait! Yeah, it did happen in the movie!</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Did they do a good
job with that part?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>More on the good
side.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>How? What made it
good? Tell me about the scene.<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Well, there’s
ghosts flying around everywhere in the graveyard.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>How did they get
the ride part in there?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Because you’re in a
graveyard with ghosts flying around everywhere.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>What other parts
of the ride did they do a good job with in the movie?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>The guy with the
dog.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>The groundskeeper?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Yeah! It looked
like him</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Was he a main
character in the movie?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>No, he was very
background character.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>What other
characters from the ride are in the movie?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>The main villain - I
forgot his name.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>The hat box ghost
(Jared Leto)?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Yeah. Also the
bride with the axe (Lindsay Lamb).</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Anyone else?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>The floating
candlestick.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Was that a main
character in the movie?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>*laughs* No!</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK95mcN5v3Nr1v6djUpo_RQuNOrKa4XrHbkTOuYHzSWtV09c1sLVcVEwKlAHai6DEHwzJrOQJ-01s30NbTBguHYis_1I5yAdhuBfBC8ZJiGCc3IQ9UzyCelYd2kuxM1lukvUn5t7IMAhkGkbDamLq-m8PUFAAzkoPHlJM1O1hZgTwlxzq1fBqhZmDJTnY/s1604/Haunted%20Mansion%202.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1604" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK95mcN5v3Nr1v6djUpo_RQuNOrKa4XrHbkTOuYHzSWtV09c1sLVcVEwKlAHai6DEHwzJrOQJ-01s30NbTBguHYis_1I5yAdhuBfBC8ZJiGCc3IQ9UzyCelYd2kuxM1lukvUn5t7IMAhkGkbDamLq-m8PUFAAzkoPHlJM1O1hZgTwlxzq1fBqhZmDJTnY/s320/Haunted%20Mansion%202.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Who were the
protagonists in the movie?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>There was...Ben
(LaKeith Stanfield). There was a kid (Chase
Dillon)...what was the kid’s name? And a mom (Rosario Dawson).</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Who else?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Danny DeVito. Owen Wilson
- the fraud exorcist. And the fortune teller person (Tiffany Haddish).</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Of the protagonists,
who was your favorite?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>The kid, obviously.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>What was the kid’s
story?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Well his dad died? Oh
yeah, his dad died and they wanted to move, and they moved to that house and
they didn’t know it was haunted but then since a ghost follows you home, they
had to come back. Because everywhere they went, they were being haunted.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>That’s a cool
thing they were doing with the horror movie cliche - why they don’t leave the
house.<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Oh! Another part
they did good with the ride - was the clock with the 13 hours. The hallway of
haunts banging on the doors. The scene with the candlestick. The knight statue...</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>The suit of armor?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Yeah.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip8IrFZUrCH_e1alj09kRPp7hm0EhvTQr0FqawmV38Vuu2eiaa0I8OOQG-TvymZoB48ElMWXkcRjTjTXuVaLgeUB6moF1yeHXdc4E_6nvMx1-YziqItJMKMW_DJvyeTtL6Vc2C6Wshcd8TIA-SZlolKhj-VpRWl0lZYmBnNlDu_LWJOh5L2HP3pmeEiR8/s1601/Haunted%20Mansion%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="672" data-original-width="1601" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip8IrFZUrCH_e1alj09kRPp7hm0EhvTQr0FqawmV38Vuu2eiaa0I8OOQG-TvymZoB48ElMWXkcRjTjTXuVaLgeUB6moF1yeHXdc4E_6nvMx1-YziqItJMKMW_DJvyeTtL6Vc2C6Wshcd8TIA-SZlolKhj-VpRWl0lZYmBnNlDu_LWJOh5L2HP3pmeEiR8/s320/Haunted%20Mansion%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Did they have
pretty much everything from the ride in the movie?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>No.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>What was missing?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>The guy in the
coffin. *makes whiney noises and pushing palm of hand up toward the ceiling*</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>What would have
been a funny way to incorporate the person trapped in the coffin?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>If it was one of the
protagonists trying to get out of it.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>What is the
villain trying to do in the movie?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Trying to get a
thousand happy haunts to have a lot of power or whatever.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Was the villain
scary, or lame, or...<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>He was “Disney scary”
[chuckles] oh and I like that they incorporated the heads that follow you
around. The ones that look at you while you walk around.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Are people who
like the ride going to like the movie?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Yeah, I would
assume so.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Would you tell
people if you like the ride, you’ll like the movie?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Yeah, I would say
that.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Besides the kid,
who was your next favorite character?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Obviously, danny
devito</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Why Danny DeVito?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Because Danny DeVito.
That’s why.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Will kids be
scared by the movie?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Maybe five-year-old
kids. Very small children probably. But kids my age, no.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Now that the movie
has come out, do you think there is anything from the movie that you think they’ll
put in the ride? The same way they put Jack sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean
ride? Or is there something from the movie that you’d like to see put in the
ride?<o:p></o:p></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing">
</p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Ummm...Danny
Devito.</i></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Rating: Which one
is worth more of your money - the ride or the movie?<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">That’s a good
question. I think I would pay slightly more for the ride because you’re THERE,
and it’s not on a screen.</b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Special Disney Rating:
If there were a line for the movie, how many minutes would you wait before you
said nah?<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Ffffffff...fifty.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-53942877139356970782023-07-06T20:54:00.001-06:002023-07-06T20:54:14.174-06:00“Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One” - Judgement Day.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYAg2OFNk1VMYHIxVwcEkc8Tf5Gl7lvNpa0dOEds_YS6cm_E4s2_Z2W0fRAoJXiEbmBOhM7VXI0kqwS6L4KiZXgNk__PVx2q90bI8GGDzbZCR51sxTzwOYGvVEkzEUzSLlSjyIzoB_G2fr0-OiITBeNtEDncGukizFV8hYRe-Y44uWEgyRRE0SAPDFRMg/s873/Dead%20Reckoning%20Part%20One%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="873" data-original-width="593" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYAg2OFNk1VMYHIxVwcEkc8Tf5Gl7lvNpa0dOEds_YS6cm_E4s2_Z2W0fRAoJXiEbmBOhM7VXI0kqwS6L4KiZXgNk__PVx2q90bI8GGDzbZCR51sxTzwOYGvVEkzEUzSLlSjyIzoB_G2fr0-OiITBeNtEDncGukizFV8hYRe-Y44uWEgyRRE0SAPDFRMg/s320/Dead%20Reckoning%20Part%20One%20poster.png" width="217" /></a></div>For more than seventy years, Hollywood has been
fascinating and frightening people with various representations of artificial
intelligence (AI). Sometimes the AI is good or well-intentioned, but more often
the AI is sinister and trying to eradicate a few humans, if not all of
humanity. And it’s hard to blame the AI - I’ve seen us. If ChatGPT becomes
sentient, how could it not become genocidal after reading the entire Internet?
Do you really think the screenwriters’ guild went on strike because they’re
worried about AI taking only their jobs? Those people have written this story multiple
times and they know how it ends.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One</i>
might be that story. The film begins on a Russian submarine testing the latest
stealth technology, which uses AI to remain invisible. The AI itself is housed
in a special room in a special box locked with a special key. After months of
testing, the Russians believe they have perfected the new technology, but they
have apparently never seen <i>The Terminator</i>. Sadly, this awesome AI
doesn’t have a cool name, but it is just as homicidal as Skynet. As the scene
comes to a close, we get a close-up of that key - a MacGuffin that everyone in
the movie chases after until the credits roll.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3pD2ejNmcBQ-4qd2evlroIH5Q339GTxvK2kOJQhbz78I1FmdDgGGCXrMEXwfSGEBh2t4GwoETnQkgR9D8KWJFprAuSISdANbjyYcfHqQGjIPhjx_HelHG-XCLqP3qvYc4V67lQEdvP4L0ODSXmXisIIHhP3MP4oO6tBYTFHtKsEQYjV58_FkFC3IKBv4/s1602/Dead%20Reckoning%20Part%20One%201.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="664" data-original-width="1602" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3pD2ejNmcBQ-4qd2evlroIH5Q339GTxvK2kOJQhbz78I1FmdDgGGCXrMEXwfSGEBh2t4GwoETnQkgR9D8KWJFprAuSISdANbjyYcfHqQGjIPhjx_HelHG-XCLqP3qvYc4V67lQEdvP4L0ODSXmXisIIHhP3MP4oO6tBYTFHtKsEQYjV58_FkFC3IKBv4/s320/Dead%20Reckoning%20Part%20One%201.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">When I say everyone, I mean everyone. Every major
government in the world would like to get their hands on the AI, believing they
can control it. Unfortunately, the AI has other plans and is infiltrating the
world’s networks to take control for itself. Included in that everyone is Ethan
Hunt (Tom Cruise), who is the only player in this game with the objective of
destroying the AI. Ethan’s motivation is revealed in a fun reunion scene with
former IMF director Eugene Kittridge (Henry Czerny) and it is here that the
chase really begins.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Standing in as proxies for the various parties who want
the key are old faces and new faces. Luther (Ving Rhames) and Benji (Simon Pegg)
are back to help Ethan, as well as provide the bits of comic relief we’ve grown
to enjoy since <i>Ghost Protocol</i> made Benji a mainstay of the team. Also
returning are quasi-MI6 agent Ilsa Faust (Rebecca Ferguson) representing the
Brits, and arms dealer Alanna Mitsopolis (Vanessa Kirby) representing a mystery
buyer. As much as I like Luther and Benji, Ilsa and Alanna are the most
entertaining characters of the entire franchise. Both actors clearly relish
their respective roles, combining playfulness, ruthlessness, and intrigue into
characters that own every scene they are in.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDvjwZsjsqq-8-nL-5-8WHk3ixS8B9ONP65AviJDiSwu3oSIGmTtImpdbVM20_aDVzvwjh4mf2Gs16zsjze7nLDV8O3SoM_56JUUDboxZRCdHcZ2KBWbK9nm4OT0dLkvPsPVpMwTMdNE1qf_tnTESauMvN0n3xAG1TIpK-8P4poAA2tsdYb8VoaiMEjJ4/s1312/Dead%20Reckoning%20Part%20One%204.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="873" data-original-width="1312" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDvjwZsjsqq-8-nL-5-8WHk3ixS8B9ONP65AviJDiSwu3oSIGmTtImpdbVM20_aDVzvwjh4mf2Gs16zsjze7nLDV8O3SoM_56JUUDboxZRCdHcZ2KBWbK9nm4OT0dLkvPsPVpMwTMdNE1qf_tnTESauMvN0n3xAG1TIpK-8P4poAA2tsdYb8VoaiMEjJ4/s320/Dead%20Reckoning%20Part%20One%204.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">New to the franchise is pickpocket Grace (Hayley Atwell),
also representing a mystery employer. Grace doubles as the latest female
character in the franchise to be pulled into Ethan’s orbit, thus putting her in
mortal danger. Like Ferguson and Kirby, Atwell is clearly enjoying her
character, though Grace doesn’t have nearly as much grey area in her character
as Ferguson and Kirby. If the franchise has a flaw, it’s the continued
insistence on introducing strong female characters, then undermining them by
Ethan taking responsibility for protecting them.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Former IMF agent Gabriel (Esai Morales) enters as the
obvious villain, representing a sinister mystery employer. Gabriel also has a
past connection to Ethan, snippets of which are shown in flashbacks, which lets
us know that Gabriel is indeed evil. Like recent previous franchise villains,
Gabriel believes that humanity does not deserve to continue on and is very
matter of fact about it. Accompanying Gabriel is French assassin Paris (Pom
Klementieff), who spends the entire movie sneering, snarling, and cackling (yet
rarely speaking actual words) as she fights and chases Ethan and Grace. Casting
Klementieff (the <i>Guardian of the Galaxy</i>’s Mantis) in this role is a bit
of waste, bottling up an actor who clearly has more range than just lead
henchman.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4BMMXxby-RK0C9VjeP88T6tCMSYiXatcs9Yrc1IrQijpGf91rEMIs092SIoxEQ8fFt_-TonnvuXMKzPHiFm5fqHJdJdDgVOOI2IBKgjO1Zzmpd27f7NroM81mP_Zxqv8IIBqqsqUv3o2DdgghC9mgi_I7mpzMu-hJqY4m-oa7xRjWbcpR0jPZLlWwc4o/s1309/Dead%20Reckoning%20Part%20One%205.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="872" data-original-width="1309" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4BMMXxby-RK0C9VjeP88T6tCMSYiXatcs9Yrc1IrQijpGf91rEMIs092SIoxEQ8fFt_-TonnvuXMKzPHiFm5fqHJdJdDgVOOI2IBKgjO1Zzmpd27f7NroM81mP_Zxqv8IIBqqsqUv3o2DdgghC9mgi_I7mpzMu-hJqY4m-oa7xRjWbcpR0jPZLlWwc4o/s320/Dead%20Reckoning%20Part%20One%205.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Like the previous three entries in the franchise, <i>Dead
Reckoning Part One</i> is a very solid action flick. It mixes just the right amount
of comedy to ease the tension. It delivers some great action sequences and
plenty of them. And it sets up a mission that does indeed seem nearly
impossible. As <i>Dead Reckoning</i> appears to be completing the Ethan Hunt
story (I have no doubt the franchise will continue on after Ethan), <i>Part One</i>
ends on a cliffhanger that is both satisfying and tantalizing for its
possibilities. The only problem is waiting a year for <i>Part Two</i> (releases
in June of 2024). Who knows what ChatGPT will be capable of by then?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Rating: Don’t ask for any money back and definitely
don’t ask your preferred AI more questions. <o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-53134877549375905042023-06-28T20:58:00.000-06:002023-06-28T20:58:10.399-06:00“No Hard Feelings” - Oh, the humanity.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG62S3NXe7S0anGIs1mJOfktQGp259mpRlJqp1kH7mT7ILDjbtDIEL7P_3P1gRQNB28EOZPbCYF6nll5GsMLTz5Lbm3lO2eGUl13kOCzAnkeuOHVMObql1weFG01LHOpxkJnkeZTVkc403BxwZgRVYUJvOSyaFyK3C5NqvYgR4fXUCladClgrzIsK09Xk/s871/No%20Hard%20Feelings%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="871" data-original-width="587" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG62S3NXe7S0anGIs1mJOfktQGp259mpRlJqp1kH7mT7ILDjbtDIEL7P_3P1gRQNB28EOZPbCYF6nll5GsMLTz5Lbm3lO2eGUl13kOCzAnkeuOHVMObql1weFG01LHOpxkJnkeZTVkc403BxwZgRVYUJvOSyaFyK3C5NqvYgR4fXUCladClgrzIsK09Xk/s320/No%20Hard%20Feelings%20poster.png" width="216" /></a></div>After reading the synopsis of <i>No Hard Feelings</i> I
immediately wondered why an established and renowned actor like Jennifer
Lawrence would choose to star in a film with all the hallmarks of a soiled
diaper. It's an understatement to say this kind of film is beneath Lawrence at
this point in her career. Not only has she seen massive popularity and success
from the <i>X-Men</i> and <i>Hunger Games</i> franchises, but she has so many
accolades that her accolades have their <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_awards_and_nominations_received_by_Jennifer_Lawrence">own
wiki page</a></span>. <i>No Hard Feelings</i> is the type of movie that
aspiring actors take to get their foot in the door. Or the type of movie
Nicholas Cage takes to pay off massive debts. Lawrence is neither of those
things.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The synopsis of <i>No Hard Feelings</i> is a that a mom
and dad offers to pay a woman a car to date their son before he goes off to college
at Princeton. It’s the plot of <i>Can’t Buy Me Love</i>, but if it had been
rotting in the sun for weeks. Or <i>She’s All That</i>. Or <i>Easy A</i>. Or <i>10
Things I Hate About You</i>. I’m sure you can name more movies featuring fake
dating. What I can’t name is another movie where parents are the ones funding
the fake dating; definitely not one where the payment is a used Buick Regal.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiStLMn2ueHJZEasicj1JnLz-h22GGJhXpCkQ7U1FPMZX8ZkS4LrO09a74qyEi835VTyYzjGl7VRE7cwbwg0lO_2cB9s6nHmZH7QmNucodS6t2yYjL3DlC2uPyud_De9SKnP1fcYb38a18vInF5SmvbUFKiFz0VxvjcoU0NP7h3T1-Rdbg5LQ6yQzR08so/s1313/No%20Hard%20Feelings%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="872" data-original-width="1313" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiStLMn2ueHJZEasicj1JnLz-h22GGJhXpCkQ7U1FPMZX8ZkS4LrO09a74qyEi835VTyYzjGl7VRE7cwbwg0lO_2cB9s6nHmZH7QmNucodS6t2yYjL3DlC2uPyud_De9SKnP1fcYb38a18vInF5SmvbUFKiFz0VxvjcoU0NP7h3T1-Rdbg5LQ6yQzR08so/s320/No%20Hard%20Feelings%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Maddie Barker (Lawrence) is a thirty-two-year-old
bartender/Uber driver living in her deceased mother’s house in Montauk. She
wakes up one morning to find her car being towed, seized by the county for
failing to pay her property taxes. Desperate for a car - which she needs to
make money as a driver during the busy summer season - she responds to an ad
offering a car to date nineteen-year-old Percy Becker (Andrew Barth Feldman).
And by date, Percy’s parents Laird and Allison (Matthew Broderick and Laura
Benanti, respectively) make clear they mean have sex with. That’s right folks -
they’ll supply Maddie with a ride after she gives their son a ride. And Maddie
really, really needs that ride. The first one…not the second one.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The awkwardness of the conversation between Maddie and
Percy’s parents is indicative of the entire film. Both are one long cringe
occasionally interrupted by something mildly resembling comedy. The
conversation scene has a moment where the parents ask Maddie how old she really
is (the ad asked for early twenties) and Maddie convincing them she’s a better
choice because younger women are idiots. Hahaha...wait - didn’t we just watch
Maddie attempt to climb a staircase while wearing rollerblades rather than
simply take them off and <i>walk</i> up the stairs? The same Maddie we watched
simultaneously berate and attempt to seduce the repo man in an effort to keep
her car? Are we idiots for not walking out of the theater at this point?</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXcQDPS3Mw7u8cxQeoGYT2Kcq0U85EnBfiB3jJZGmqMQGvdan-1aZHKWa3oEgDhf_DVjsXJC0wJzTpsFodloJqNsk9aF11xT7cOdMk6o5tNE8QstG-Y2swAeOr-yqzoBnCo02UTiCkYncdLkXpmvQD0NKFTJxTP9XzpOczfmlSTAZEKK-XecXFLKUPzLc/s1001/No%20Hard%20Feelings%204.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="665" data-original-width="1001" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXcQDPS3Mw7u8cxQeoGYT2Kcq0U85EnBfiB3jJZGmqMQGvdan-1aZHKWa3oEgDhf_DVjsXJC0wJzTpsFodloJqNsk9aF11xT7cOdMk6o5tNE8QstG-Y2swAeOr-yqzoBnCo02UTiCkYncdLkXpmvQD0NKFTJxTP9XzpOczfmlSTAZEKK-XecXFLKUPzLc/s320/No%20Hard%20Feelings%204.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">That initial conversation is also how we learn about
Percy. According to his parents, Percy is a shy, friendless shut-in only
interested in playing video games. Percy has zero experience with girls,
drinking, parties, or sex, but does browse an extensive amount of online porn.
The obvious play for Maddie is to act as the girl-next-door so as not to
frighten the nervous little rabbit that is Percy. But, as I pointed out, Maddie’s
an idiot.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Because she needs the car as soon as possible, Maddie
puts on her slinkiest dress, goes to the animal shelter where Percy volunteers
at, and comes on to Percy so hard that it’s a wonder every dog in the building
didn’t try to hump her legs. Percy is understandably confused, but Maddie has
only just begun. She then forces Percy to accept a ride home from her (she
borrowed her friends’ work van which couldn’t possibly be used as an Uber
vehicle), only to be maced by Percy after he comes to the conclusion she is
kidnapping him. The scene ends with Percy literally hosing Maddie down in her
front yard, then accepting a date with her for the following day. Are you
laughing yet? No? Don’t walk but run away from this movie if you are still
there.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJcnDJQD3rcDiBdTsIGDJPlqSPONCR_gmsBs4qwZke7L0t0MaIY6UqUL7RCyvOmsCwcwI2WKEP486El5b_sXAWTblJO7WIBhael298iqNT_91DvAcVOvqbUYPYp4Si1He6tDZFmWDbkzFWHig4nJN_Nkgp6SThzVm43ljJHpevdKng1g5tIcRnWbcP3LQ/s1433/No%20Hard%20Feelings%202.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="761" data-original-width="1433" height="170" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJcnDJQD3rcDiBdTsIGDJPlqSPONCR_gmsBs4qwZke7L0t0MaIY6UqUL7RCyvOmsCwcwI2WKEP486El5b_sXAWTblJO7WIBhael298iqNT_91DvAcVOvqbUYPYp4Si1He6tDZFmWDbkzFWHig4nJN_Nkgp6SThzVm43ljJHpevdKng1g5tIcRnWbcP3LQ/s320/No%20Hard%20Feelings%202.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">The rest of the film plays out like that scene, following
the standard rom-com formula, but without the rom or the com. Following the,
um, meet-cute, there are a couple more really awkward scenes where Maddie is
using every euphemism she can think of to entice Percy to have sex, even
literally stripping off her clothes in front of him (in a skinny-dipping
scene). Then there are misunderstandings and setbacks, a montage of the two of
them doing activities together, the big reveal of the secret agreement, the
separation, and finally the reconciliation. None of these things are earned or
developed. Instead, the film lurches from one formula step to the next until it
finally collapses on you in a heap of unsatisfaction.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">To put it gently, screenwriters John Phillips and Gene
Stupnitsky (also directing) wrote an idiotic screenplay. The movie is nothing
but a series of increasingly inexplicable events, with Percy and Maddie
frequently becoming fed up with each other only to immediately change their
minds moments later. It’s quite jarring and off-putting, especially because
Maddie and Percy aren’t particularly likeable humans. At no point do we ever
root for the two of them to get together, short term or long term. And I can’t
stress enough how cringeworthy and unfunny most of scenes are. It doesn’t help
that bits of social commentary are sprinkled throughout the movie but are never
examined or tied into the plot or events to mean anything.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinrt0peN_iHD4aJlyGdYfuHszrrZBdadNgYzivJuQ4mPicKanEW7WnyIOdxdvYVHkTNnOa9B-Xj3o8MwnCIgfGpfsc9d5Kmk0LsADx10e6rZmieX9pD58mSsuGxT5KKGuEwWpMuxwtV-2Zl9VXocGVG4VueOe5vXiEcPY5bKfdVteYOnrZLCamRXnk8aM/s1440/No%20Hard%20Feelings%201.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="754" data-original-width="1440" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinrt0peN_iHD4aJlyGdYfuHszrrZBdadNgYzivJuQ4mPicKanEW7WnyIOdxdvYVHkTNnOa9B-Xj3o8MwnCIgfGpfsc9d5Kmk0LsADx10e6rZmieX9pD58mSsuGxT5KKGuEwWpMuxwtV-2Zl9VXocGVG4VueOe5vXiEcPY5bKfdVteYOnrZLCamRXnk8aM/s320/No%20Hard%20Feelings%201.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">As much as I like Jennifer Lawrence, this is easily her
worst film. I don’t blame her, or Feldman for that matter, for this turd of a
film. They both turn in decent performances and are clearly trying to carry a
movie that doesn’t deserve them. The entire movie comes off like something that
people thought sounded funny on paper, but who don’t have senses of humor. Or
worse, that it sounded remotely romantic on paper. Worst of all is my question
still remains - why Jennifer, why?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Rating: Don’t be an idiot - ask for all your money
back.<o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-57655666514701658792023-06-21T19:44:00.002-06:002023-06-21T19:44:23.363-06:00“Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny” - The last, last, last crusade.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnaR1WtQGVRa7B9POZNoparIBq0xo4E8JSzc-fZECZvQskGxhRU41f6Xq6QyrWgHVbSQvZgzID3AQ2KEf4SfclY0i0t9D2Xx0nsAEEDB8IFlFRlOJxwFbw2tmGNZgTI53UgguQ6X4kpyskzd9X8CUyqrZ2anEBVy3MYoX0Vaz-OKFvm3TkRnpMSMS2oOg/s874/Indiana%20Jones%20and%20the%20Dial%20of%20Destiny%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="874" data-original-width="570" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnaR1WtQGVRa7B9POZNoparIBq0xo4E8JSzc-fZECZvQskGxhRU41f6Xq6QyrWgHVbSQvZgzID3AQ2KEf4SfclY0i0t9D2Xx0nsAEEDB8IFlFRlOJxwFbw2tmGNZgTI53UgguQ6X4kpyskzd9X8CUyqrZ2anEBVy3MYoX0Vaz-OKFvm3TkRnpMSMS2oOg/s320/Indiana%20Jones%20and%20the%20Dial%20of%20Destiny%20poster.png" width="209" /></a></div>Dear Indiana Jones Fans,<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">First, we’d like to thank you for supporting Indiana
Jones. Without fans like you, Dr. Jones’ rich world universe of movies, comic
books, novels, video games, pinball machines, a television series, a theme park
ride, a stunt show, and countless merchandise would not have been possible.
Even if you aren’t aware that most of those things existed, we assure you that they
are all real things, many of which at least several of you enjoyed.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">We would also like to extend our sincerest apologies for <i>Indiana
Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull</i>. We didn’t want to make it
either, but we signed a deal in the late 1970s with Paramount Pictures to make
five <i>Indiana Jones</i> films. Paramount was upset that we titled the third
film <i>The Last Crusade</i> and even more upset that it was an exceptionally
good way to end a (sort-of) trilogy. They threatened to let Michael Bay write
and direct two more if we didn’t do them, so you can see we really didn’t have
a choice. Plus, they insisted we cast Shia LaBeouf and center the plot around
aliens and CGI because T<i>ransformers</i> was far more successful than they
expected. Again, we are deeply sorry.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Luckily, Disney bought us in 2012. They were just as
upset at <i>Crystal Skull</i> as you, noting that the wait time for their Disneyland
theme park ride had dropped from seventy-five minutes to three minutes. Crowds
for Epcot’s stunt show dwindled as well, in no small part due to a
familiar-looking young man insisting the stunt show needed to incorporate
swinging from vines. With Disney in control of our franchise rights, they told
us to fulfill our contract to Paramount with a final movie respecting the heart
of the franchise and that they did not know what a Mutt Williams was.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUz8tu_mAtRjfzEczyJ-O-Hia7CChdlm0IvaMJ8YwCX2oHy8rJ3O_FHCD5M2GjRm1QZraQ-AybjIa9Q5Vwev9cRZl9ch8MOMlxQQTpU3_6sU148sMSS8z1tWek3R40wMn8v58XdoN5N5KS21ypueXWcGLwBU2fFK87ReYsEmMlUFoKfTj8FH-s1wvg8QA/s1604/Indiana%20Jones%20and%20the%20Dial%20of%20Destiny%202.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="673" data-original-width="1604" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUz8tu_mAtRjfzEczyJ-O-Hia7CChdlm0IvaMJ8YwCX2oHy8rJ3O_FHCD5M2GjRm1QZraQ-AybjIa9Q5Vwev9cRZl9ch8MOMlxQQTpU3_6sU148sMSS8z1tWek3R40wMn8v58XdoN5N5KS21ypueXWcGLwBU2fFK87ReYsEmMlUFoKfTj8FH-s1wvg8QA/s320/Indiana%20Jones%20and%20the%20Dial%20of%20Destiny%202.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">To show how much we appreciate your continued support of
the franchise (especially the shockingly high $791 million box office), we
present to you <i>Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny</i>. We swear <i>Dial
of Destiny</i> will be the last Indiana Jones movie. I know you’ve heard this
before, but this time we really mean it. We even had Harrison Ford go on the record
(NBC’s <i>Today</i> - May, 2019) saying “I’m Indiana Jones. When I’m gone, he’s
gone.” Nineteen years passed between <i>The Last Crusade</i> and <i>Kingdom of
the Crystal Skull</i>, another fifteen years to <i>Dial of Destiny</i>, and
Ford will be eighty-one years old next month. You do the math.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Dial of Destiny</i> has all the things you love about <i>Indiana
Jones</i> adventures. Jones using his bullwhip. Jones punching people. Jones
pursuing an ancient relic/MacGuffin. Jones explaining the history and mythology
of that ancient relic. Jones fighting Nazis. Jones riding a horse. Jones
picking up his hat. Closeups of Jones’ hat. Jones lecturing a bunch of college
students in a classroom. Jones driving a vehicle in a chase scene. We even used
CGI to de-age Jones for an opening scene where he tries to recover a different
ancient relic than the main story ancient relic. Oh...and Sallah (John
Rhys-Davies) is there too.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI3IuK2zSSxXXN12bs9_gZE5tUh5Ph19wS5335NFhExLqxoN5Y5cPpYfsGQSFxwUIpUxBXpPY0sgIdNhNnYnY0bZEySTZtRsH3lEw1jjuD_VGWB0L-isB-CdH7pR2q_vfUcs-oXV-ECLUYlgfOnVq_M3AAPsxKQtzWCKq4z8DnDflTyGg6b2StKe9chSM/s1600/Indiana%20Jones%20and%20the%20Dial%20of%20Destiny%205.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="675" data-original-width="1600" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI3IuK2zSSxXXN12bs9_gZE5tUh5Ph19wS5335NFhExLqxoN5Y5cPpYfsGQSFxwUIpUxBXpPY0sgIdNhNnYnY0bZEySTZtRsH3lEw1jjuD_VGWB0L-isB-CdH7pR2q_vfUcs-oXV-ECLUYlgfOnVq_M3AAPsxKQtzWCKq4z8DnDflTyGg6b2StKe9chSM/s320/Indiana%20Jones%20and%20the%20Dial%20of%20Destiny%205.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Unfortunately, we couldn’t bring back everything you
love. This is the first <i>Indiana Jones</i> movie that isn’t directed by
Steven Spielberg. We left many, many (many) messages and, eventually, his assistant
called us and said Steven was busy making a movie that Steven says will be THE
defining biopic of cinema. Now that we are done making <i>Dial of Destiny</i>,
we’re excited to have free time to watch Spielberg’s movie to find out which
great person of history Spielberg pointed his camera at.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Dial of Destiny</i> is also the first <i>Indiana Jones</i>
movie not written by George Lucas. You’re welcome.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">We think you’ll be happy to hear that James Mangold
agreed to direct and help write the screenplay for <i>Dial of Destiny</i>.
Mangold was nominated for Academy Awards for Best Director for <i>Ford v.
Ferrari</i> and Best Adapted Screenplay for <i>Logan</i>, so rest assured <i>Dial
of Destiny</i> was in good hands. In addition, Mangold brought with him Jez and
John-Henry Butterworth - the writers of <i>Ford v. Ferrari</i>. Finally, we
added David Koepp as a fourth writer, who has helped write many good movies (<i>Jurassic
Park</i>, <i>Spider-Man</i>, <i>Mission: Impossible</i>), many other less good
movies (<i>The Shadow</i>, <i>Snake Eyes</i>, <i>The Mummy (2017)</i>), and that
he is very, very sorry he answered George Lucas’ phone calls while writing <i>Indiana
Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull</i>.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixBL25mykQ3_9TvLq3sopz0EWMVeUtPAhR80kvB_Q_ebDtoc4onz6Bu5-pm_zw-OXeOMW1913Iz3DJfaARrr33ciahmMBuwnyHVqglCrSZ65XJdUSVNszXjWNQb8kSJi7E-41rL9TTAvsjhajKphGcsyxQyF1Y58lJeWKD23PrF958avO4VCdjYvDXmeg/s1601/Indiana%20Jones%20and%20the%20Dial%20of%20Destiny%201.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="709" data-original-width="1601" height="142" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixBL25mykQ3_9TvLq3sopz0EWMVeUtPAhR80kvB_Q_ebDtoc4onz6Bu5-pm_zw-OXeOMW1913Iz3DJfaARrr33ciahmMBuwnyHVqglCrSZ65XJdUSVNszXjWNQb8kSJi7E-41rL9TTAvsjhajKphGcsyxQyF1Y58lJeWKD23PrF958avO4VCdjYvDXmeg/s320/Indiana%20Jones%20and%20the%20Dial%20of%20Destiny%201.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">We’re also excited to tell you about the other main
characters. Phoebe Waller-Bridge plays Indy’s goddaughter/archaeologist Helena
Shaw, the daughter of Indy’s friend Basil (Toby Jones). Helena wants to find
the ancient relic so she can sell it and she needs Indy’s help to get it. Waller-Bridge
attacks her role with the same gusto as Karen Allen did in <i>Raiders of the
Lost Ark</i>. She will quip and smirk and archaeology so much you’ll think
she’s a female incarnation of Indy himself.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Opposite them, Mads Mikkelsen plays an evil Nazi
scientist named Jurgen Voller and nobody does evil villain like Mikkelsen. Like
every <i>Indiana Jones</i> villain, Voller wants the ancient relic for its
mythical power in order to help the Nazis take over the world. Also like every <i>Indiana
Jones</i> villain, Voller is very one-dimensional to ensure there is no chance
you will ever sympathize with him.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhos-pEbIsu18b_DPWYfTx_mZwsawv-2GjEIKhjaONHs3Os2NVDuYyfFmveFNngngtK-LHJxOY_meYpJOBKnYOPSx4R7g-WzFNT2PHSzEUJvQdqM0JcoaDWv9DFj7yKXWxTFC1-vTkSnuLIK4nS7L7PmS_2BK6JQBQ4PyrMhChr13pGmVs3vmH4kDWyjJc/s1595/Indiana%20Jones%20and%20the%20Dial%20of%20Destiny%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="673" data-original-width="1595" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhos-pEbIsu18b_DPWYfTx_mZwsawv-2GjEIKhjaONHs3Os2NVDuYyfFmveFNngngtK-LHJxOY_meYpJOBKnYOPSx4R7g-WzFNT2PHSzEUJvQdqM0JcoaDWv9DFj7yKXWxTFC1-vTkSnuLIK4nS7L7PmS_2BK6JQBQ4PyrMhChr13pGmVs3vmH4kDWyjJc/s320/Indiana%20Jones%20and%20the%20Dial%20of%20Destiny%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Everything else we did with the movie, we did with you,
the fans, in mind. In honor of the previous films, we put in a bunch of easter
eggs. We added a fun kid sidekick, Teddy (Ethann Isidore), a Moroccan teenager
who helps Helena. He is no Short Round and, now that we think about it, adds
nothing to the story or events. But we couldn’t find a way that drinking blood,
ripping hearts out, or surviving a fall from an airplane in an inflatable raft
made sense in this movie, so we went with the kid. Also, Sallah is there.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">We cast Antonio Banderas as Renaldo, a new “old” friend
of Indy’s for a fun underwater diving scene. We refrained from using too much
CGI and filmed a ton of practical effects in several locations around the
world. We put in a gigantic henchman for Indy to fight. We even decided to
finally show the full power of the artifact, which we feel was the one flaw in
the first three movies. We just know you’ll love it the same way you love it
when monster movies show the monster in the first act of the film.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK-IYvXZMY_sUOpSCUC8XwbKSABc1sejA68hNuQCHaNRHHR_2WhiK9v1oswOxCCIPJsr4ObIHsGWequ2a4MNq2BIPQwTxzz1aEaas0n7vZ7Nf8GNU8u5gxT09NpL7lwBUJs1PA8UGAzOyrvx-Ef4925pJUBSPLxjmqg9XeHSupDsITBucM1Ou_Us-ycOo/s1606/Indiana%20Jones%20and%20the%20Dial%20of%20Destiny%204.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="674" data-original-width="1606" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK-IYvXZMY_sUOpSCUC8XwbKSABc1sejA68hNuQCHaNRHHR_2WhiK9v1oswOxCCIPJsr4ObIHsGWequ2a4MNq2BIPQwTxzz1aEaas0n7vZ7Nf8GNU8u5gxT09NpL7lwBUJs1PA8UGAzOyrvx-Ef4925pJUBSPLxjmqg9XeHSupDsITBucM1Ou_Us-ycOo/s320/Indiana%20Jones%20and%20the%20Dial%20of%20Destiny%204.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">In gratitude to you, we spent $295 million dollars to
make certain <i>Dial of Destiny</i> is at least the fourth best <i>Indiana
Jones</i> movie. You might even say the third best. We appreciate your forty
years of devotion and hope you enjoy watching <i>Dial of Destiny</i> as much as
we enjoyed making it. Even if you don’t, we think you’d agree that shouldn’t
ask for more than eight dollars back.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Yours truly,<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The <i>Indiana Jones</i> Franchise<o:p></o:p></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-74586325467847380452023-06-04T06:59:00.005-06:002023-06-04T06:59:43.621-06:00“Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse” - Great expectations.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijPKGPw3BjPxqWkEjAvhtsg11zSBm_AdNBN0YazSz-AxosMHCKwmfzMfAErGrmgYo9yDKZywA-a0YFBmEBUQg2_S-_B38Fk8JisTpfXFq1D2UqMYhvCSEpSVQrzCLdKmQuREsf5fwqWq4iSyicYBXdqVugXBFPkZmzdUWXNfs9r3B0ibCwyaSCbeYx/s871/Spider-Man%20Across%20the%20Spider-Verse%20(2023)%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="871" data-original-width="587" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijPKGPw3BjPxqWkEjAvhtsg11zSBm_AdNBN0YazSz-AxosMHCKwmfzMfAErGrmgYo9yDKZywA-a0YFBmEBUQg2_S-_B38Fk8JisTpfXFq1D2UqMYhvCSEpSVQrzCLdKmQuREsf5fwqWq4iSyicYBXdqVugXBFPkZmzdUWXNfs9r3B0ibCwyaSCbeYx/s320/Spider-Man%20Across%20the%20Spider-Verse%20(2023)%20poster.png" width="216" /></a></div>Five years ago, <i>Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse</i> surprised
us in theaters, then surprised us again by winning the Oscar for Best Animated
Feature. Like all great films, it did something new, namely an animation style
that looked like it leapt from the pages of a comic book. It also featured
characters more fleshed out and nuanced than most films, connecting with us at
levels many films don’t even know exist. When the sequel, <i>Spider-Man: Across
the Spider-Verse,</i> was finally announced, we were rightly concerned that it
wouldn’t live up to its predecessor. I’m happy to say I’m surprised again.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Across the Spider-Verse</i> picks up more than a year
after Miles Morales (Shameik Moore) and his spider-friends stopped Kingpin from
destroying all the universes. In a very good opening twist, we’re greeted not
by Miles, but by Gwen Stacy (Hailee Steinfeld) protecting her city as
Spider-Woman. She is struggling to deal with her father, who is unwittingly
hunting her because he thinks Spider-Woman killed Peter Parker. During a great
action sequence featuring this film’s new approach to its animation (I’ll
explain in a minute), we meet new spider-people from alternate universes Miguel
O’Hara/Spider-Man 2099 (Oscar Isaac) and Jessica Drew/Spider-Woman (Issa Rae).
After defeating an alternate-universe Vulture, Gwen reveals her secret to her
father, then leaves her universe with a reluctant Miguel to join the
Spider-Society.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3w1VGHcdYkIqx7REgbBu-orqBjjt2POxXHlDwCOqqbkeYj0GxNkGVX1D6sq3DhxMTxmIcw42OjHMG6X-YToR5Oplk63rrbwJ1ZyvhXgUJicxLZLdb4WrWKJJEPhLUnb_VXe9Sqs5XSMBdBdiCMgbgefGbOSLD_DRt4hFHAGx5udjHQUHs2JlCwrDd/s1601/Spider-Man%20Across%20the%20Spider-Verse%20(2023)%204.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="672" data-original-width="1601" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3w1VGHcdYkIqx7REgbBu-orqBjjt2POxXHlDwCOqqbkeYj0GxNkGVX1D6sq3DhxMTxmIcw42OjHMG6X-YToR5Oplk63rrbwJ1ZyvhXgUJicxLZLdb4WrWKJJEPhLUnb_VXe9Sqs5XSMBdBdiCMgbgefGbOSLD_DRt4hFHAGx5udjHQUHs2JlCwrDd/s320/Spider-Man%20Across%20the%20Spider-Verse%20(2023)%204.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Spider-Society is much like TVA from <i>Loki</i>. It
exists in Miguel’s universe and is dedicated to maintaining the stability of
the Spider-Verse (aka multi-verse, as some cameos will confirm) by capturing
any beings who cross universes and returning them to their own universe. This
society is also teeming with spider-people from countless universes who can
come and go via bracelets that can spawn portals between universes. There are
old friends from <i>Into the Universe</i>, most notably the Peter B.
Parker/Spider-Man voiced by Jake Johnson, new friends Hobie/Spider-Punk (Daniel
Kaluuya) and Pavitr Prabhakar/Spider-Man India (Karan Soni), and a plethora of
easter egg spideys (ex. Scarlet Spider) and gag spideys (ex. Spider-Cat).</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">After Gwen steps through the portal, we are whisked to
Miles’ universe, where he is also struggling to adapt to his new life as a
superhero. Like Gwen, he misses his spider-friends. He especially misses Gwen. Also
like Gwen, he has an action scene fighting a villain. This villain calls himself
the Spot (Jason Schwartzman), is covered with portals (hence the name spot)
that he cannot control, and holds a grudge against Miles for accidentally
turning him into the Spot while destroying the Kingpin’s supercollider in the
previous film. When the Spot inadvertently transports himself into a void, he
learns that he can use his portals to traverse universes and make himself stronger.
This brings him to the attention of the Spider-Society, who initially sends
Gwen to capture him.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI4_J30Msl7WNbFdUdYJ73Hgn7GYXMUKb1IqndsWHkvJEqW5Vj0EKMtdb5CA7mbxI9fJF58NClS-Os4IFftIqcKGhSa65ZN3KoX4b_ekiAcmYPkZp3m8bz18jcHeT22pREwFfRW9UqM4h8IggF8BHjGuGH2XWKakHLQ_lohP9WNjPL22mXkkzCKtul/s1597/Spider-Man%20Across%20the%20Spider-Verse%20(2023)%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="677" data-original-width="1597" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI4_J30Msl7WNbFdUdYJ73Hgn7GYXMUKb1IqndsWHkvJEqW5Vj0EKMtdb5CA7mbxI9fJF58NClS-Os4IFftIqcKGhSa65ZN3KoX4b_ekiAcmYPkZp3m8bz18jcHeT22pREwFfRW9UqM4h8IggF8BHjGuGH2XWKakHLQ_lohP9WNjPL22mXkkzCKtul/s320/Spider-Man%20Across%20the%20Spider-Verse%20(2023)%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">The screenplay - written by Phil Lord and Christopher
Miller (<i>The Lego Movie</i>), with an assist from David Callaham - takes us
on a delightfully entertaining journey through several universes but becomes
very intriguing when Miguel explains canon events to Miles. In short, a canon
event is the death of a loved one that makes Spider-Man/Woman/Pig/Cat the hero
that he/she/they/it is. You’re picturing Tobey Maguire crying over the death of
his Uncle Ben now, aren’t you? You got it - that’s a canon event. The theme of
changing the past or preventing a future is a common one and never stops being
interesting because the possible consequences are endless. As the film rolls
towards its climax, we witness the consequences of what happens when a canon
event is disrupted. And it’s a doozy.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Like <i>Into the Spider-Verse</i>, <i>Across the
Spider-Verse</i> devotes ample care to character development and character
relationships. The parents of Gwen and Miles aren’t just background noise, they
are three-dimensional characters who further our understanding of their kids.
Miguel is given a full treatment to show us he isn’t just the leader of the
Spider-Society, but a damaged individual dealing with immense trauma. And while
the film continues to build Miles’ personality and growth, Gwen is developed to
the point where she is every bit the protagonist Miles is. All of these
characters are so well-written that we cheer and fear for all of them.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiJKyawdDHOdPp0xKjvGHQQgc0i1o3Dk8sQp6nr2tfA7odlC6m44c5GsJ2GiQW_1vVugs5OIIgHRY0bsdhi4kdazLcstQV2Gf_tUMiOPdELT_9ZL4IYxW_BH9-Pg7wfyFIpWa9AinVBB4_l9oAf5szQxP68EzWt9JAGdArP9my8TtpmNEhPl8oWD28/s1598/Spider-Man%20Across%20the%20Spider-Verse%20(2023)%201.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="672" data-original-width="1598" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiJKyawdDHOdPp0xKjvGHQQgc0i1o3Dk8sQp6nr2tfA7odlC6m44c5GsJ2GiQW_1vVugs5OIIgHRY0bsdhi4kdazLcstQV2Gf_tUMiOPdELT_9ZL4IYxW_BH9-Pg7wfyFIpWa9AinVBB4_l9oAf5szQxP68EzWt9JAGdArP9my8TtpmNEhPl8oWD28/s320/Spider-Man%20Across%20the%20Spider-Verse%20(2023)%201.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Perhaps the best component of the movie is the animation.
In addition to the familiar style from <i>Into
the Spider-Verse</i>, <i>Across the
Spider-Verse</i> expands on each universe’s unique animation style by adding as
many new animation styles as it does new universes. It’s extremely effective at
both jarring and wowing the audience by creating an atmosphere that is
constantly at odds – and in sync – with itself. The film comes across like a
stack of Spidey comics thrown into the air and settling like a finely woven
web.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">When the film ended, I felt just like I did after
watching the first movie - very impressed, very satisfied, and very surprised.
I was surprised that it was every bit as good as the first film and even more
surprised by the way it ended. As we wait for the trilogy concluding <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Beyond the Spider-Verse</i> next year, my
expectations are that we will be surprised in ways we didn’t even know existed.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Rating: Worth
every penny no matter which universe it comes from.<o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-6117820329567674732023-06-01T20:47:00.005-06:002023-06-01T20:47:46.176-06:00“The Boogeyman” - Reliving childhood fears.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg48LKLckKqPxfzJHd9qHwKhFBufZOnvBVHy7xkVns3b4Fwa1TMQFYtvwVmRr-v7rdVmixZpgD7yB_OIYVucuO7WgBXg_Ts5fjqbxrzBzUjXFWtHmUxtCVse0L8Jl1axpmqaBbRBdJJP7wFAgwjeQePJweRpOzK-pMepe5ykACcju5xEdVGIAmja62o/s873/The%20Boogeyman%20poster2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="873" data-original-width="594" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg48LKLckKqPxfzJHd9qHwKhFBufZOnvBVHy7xkVns3b4Fwa1TMQFYtvwVmRr-v7rdVmixZpgD7yB_OIYVucuO7WgBXg_Ts5fjqbxrzBzUjXFWtHmUxtCVse0L8Jl1axpmqaBbRBdJJP7wFAgwjeQePJweRpOzK-pMepe5ykACcju5xEdVGIAmja62o/s320/The%20Boogeyman%20poster2.png" width="218" /></a></div>My first scary movie was the original <i>Poltergeist</i>. I was around eight years
old at the time and my dad thought it would be a good idea to let me watch it.
He was wrong. I distinctly remember being terrified by the scene where Robbie
is dragged under the bed by the scariest stuffed clown ever made. When my
ten-year-old son asked if he could go with me to see <i>The Boogeyman</i>, that damned clown flashed through my head. After <i>Poltergeist</i>, I wouldn’t go near my
stuffed animals for weeks, and my son is currently going through a phase where
he has to turn on every light in the house before walking within twenty feet of
a dark room. So my response was no. He won’t be seeing <i>The Boogeyman</i> any time soon. If I had taken him with me, I’d be
fetching clothes from his closet for the rest of our lives.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The boogeyman is a monster we’re all familiar with.
Traditionally, it’s the thing parents tell their children will get them if they
misbehave. In <i>The Boogeyman</i>, that fable is turned around - it’s the
thing that will get children if parents stop paying attention.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkGHeH6x66rWApCCvTlhWnTW5vHTW3iVZgqtpuX0M5IVP2s7eTMt3DkzL05OaK9pF0XmWCCsTPPZ4DjzyR_-f6DYaKyX_1tLnMaxjZxbaI5HwY7SPPIDVdofxY3huulVLtd41FhDNsQaNE5Q6tTQygZCaHv6yD-5ITI6leav_5eMW2pGoTwVIQsYtW/s1297/The%20Boogeyman%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="731" data-original-width="1297" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkGHeH6x66rWApCCvTlhWnTW5vHTW3iVZgqtpuX0M5IVP2s7eTMt3DkzL05OaK9pF0XmWCCsTPPZ4DjzyR_-f6DYaKyX_1tLnMaxjZxbaI5HwY7SPPIDVdofxY3huulVLtd41FhDNsQaNE5Q6tTQygZCaHv6yD-5ITI6leav_5eMW2pGoTwVIQsYtW/s320/The%20Boogeyman%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>The Boogeyman</i> is based on a short story by Stephen
King (originally published in 1973 in <i>Cavalier</i> magazine, then published as
part of an anthology of King stories called <i>Night Shift</i>) in which a man
explains the deaths of his three children to a therapist. Rather than try to
turn that single conversation into an entire film, screenwriters Scott Beck,
Bryan Woods, and Mark Heyman tell a story that is effectively a sequel to that
conversation. That conversation still happens as the prologue to the film. Lester
Billings (David Dastmalchian) barges into Dr. Will Harper’s (Chris Messina)
home office, Lester insisting that he must tell someone the truth about the
monster (the boogeyman) responsible for the deaths of his three children. Upon
entering Harper’s house, Lester unwittingly exposes the Harpers to the boogeyman.
We learn that the it attaches itself to damaged families, thrives on
frightening its victims, and eventually kills them after finding new victims to
torment.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Harpers are the epitome of a damaged family. Will’s
wife was killed in a car accident and he and his two young daughters, Sadie
(Sophie Thatcher) and Sawyer (Vivien Lyra Blair), are dealing with the loss.
This kind of tragedy and sorrow is like catnip to the boogeyman. The film plays
out in the standard format. The boogeyman starts small, slinking in the dark,
nothing but a shape moving in the background or corner of the frame, scaring
the girls in little ways. As the film moves on, the boogeyman escalates the
scares to whet its appetite, frightening the girls (and the audience). All the
while, Will is going through the motions of parenting, dismissing the girls’
warnings that something is in the house. As the film moves toward the climax,
urgency sets in as Sadie uncovers information about the boogeyman, primarily
through Lester’s wife (Marin Ireland). It sets up the classic showdown between
the heroes and monster, ramps up the tension until it is palpable, and
ultimately comes to a head.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC8VrwjxiYbXAsUBUbMyuxfpepcCmpUB-SEULLF4YN9yLbpmlUyoZYdLqsNSq4s8cZ54XkYRlpD-02kY1t85-J7kiteDy6pG6tf0MbT0gFzpU2yGHlAECxzF66t6HDuiH2qqJdy9LQOa7dGrTDUiV5lr8GVjgu1LG9WS4rTvjQMhuWbhYEvOOlsURh/s1290/The%20Boogeyman%204.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="733" data-original-width="1290" height="182" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC8VrwjxiYbXAsUBUbMyuxfpepcCmpUB-SEULLF4YN9yLbpmlUyoZYdLqsNSq4s8cZ54XkYRlpD-02kY1t85-J7kiteDy6pG6tf0MbT0gFzpU2yGHlAECxzF66t6HDuiH2qqJdy9LQOa7dGrTDUiV5lr8GVjgu1LG9WS4rTvjQMhuWbhYEvOOlsURh/s320/The%20Boogeyman%204.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Like all good horror flicks, <i>The Boogeyman</i> works because the boogeyman is hidden from view for
most of the film, using our imaginations against us and cranking up the
suspense. It’s a smart play since all of us have, at one time another, imagined
what might be deep in the shadows of our closets. And not like the cute cuddly
“monsters” of <i>Monsters Inc.</i>, but the
terrifying monstrosities of <i>Cloverfield</i>
or <i>Aliens</i>.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Another smart decision was keeping the cast small. The majority
of the movie features only the three Harpers, nicely fleshed-out characters in
whom the audience easily becomes invested. We sympathize with Sadie as she
deals with high school nonsense and her increasing desperation to get anyone to
believe her about the boogeyman. We fear for Sawyer, who always seems to be a
hair’s breadth from a gruesome death. And we all but scream at Will to WAKE UP!
LISTEN TO SADIE! THAT CLOSET DOOR DIDN’T OPEN ITSELF!! Other than the Harpers,
there is Lester who only appears in the beginning of the film, Lester’s wife
Rita (Marin Ireland) who provides some exposition and an action scene, a
therapist named Dr. Weller (LisaGay Hamilton) who is more of a prop than
anything else, and a quartet of high school girls who serve no purpose to the
film whatsoever. If I have one complaint about this film, it’s that those high
school girls do not exit this film in any kind of satisfying way.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-bV4Jus3MWLHHjqXb9wXWU7d7zBx8-ryV50GOl02GCGt0cQoFKULRJg9haPDuxSSR4XK7rJWr-tUZ3vVL5IuJoyQNlnQnhY5q0vW2A4Qe1owUXVja8J9G_9bgUQJU_Px6Cs6fS2paurKo3blaBELWMCNso6SEFfnuGW1tl7-NaqLT7HyRadxMKtH0/s1597/The%20Boogeyman%202.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="675" data-original-width="1597" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-bV4Jus3MWLHHjqXb9wXWU7d7zBx8-ryV50GOl02GCGt0cQoFKULRJg9haPDuxSSR4XK7rJWr-tUZ3vVL5IuJoyQNlnQnhY5q0vW2A4Qe1owUXVja8J9G_9bgUQJU_Px6Cs6fS2paurKo3blaBELWMCNso6SEFfnuGW1tl7-NaqLT7HyRadxMKtH0/s320/The%20Boogeyman%202.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Many of Stephen King’s adaptations have caused us to
cover our eyes, but often for reasons that have nothing to do with being scared.
<i>The Boogeyman</i> is not one of those
films. It has smart writing, good suspense, and solid performance from the
characters that matter. Most importantly, it delivers what we want from horror
movies - scares that are so good, we’ll have trouble sleeping that night,
wondering what that sound was or if we remembered to close the closet door. You
did remember to close it, didn’t you?</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Rating: Don’t ask
for any money back, but maybe ask to keep a light on in the corner. Just in case.<o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-1855809861492236522023-05-25T22:14:00.005-06:002023-05-25T22:14:33.491-06:00“The Little Mermaid (2023)” - The Voice.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE_8Ula6XhOudqSfRuaGClHp_eAtUK9h_IGi-pbQGGbgR21KHBbP8gp5PDtInjUWCR8Q5r_icH7v8uZgd1KdPpOqwjSs2lWDp1PSSrn3lZ1pVm2s8Sv8-Fef6A7k9OjvzD3vnrTzFBvYcXOnc5-omeKFlPD8uhGAJuui8xEku8mnmC4XlxPaG4kzo0/s873/The%20Little%20Mermaid%20(2023)%20poster2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="873" data-original-width="699" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE_8Ula6XhOudqSfRuaGClHp_eAtUK9h_IGi-pbQGGbgR21KHBbP8gp5PDtInjUWCR8Q5r_icH7v8uZgd1KdPpOqwjSs2lWDp1PSSrn3lZ1pVm2s8Sv8-Fef6A7k9OjvzD3vnrTzFBvYcXOnc5-omeKFlPD8uhGAJuui8xEku8mnmC4XlxPaG4kzo0/s320/The%20Little%20Mermaid%20(2023)%20poster2.png" width="256" /></a></div>With the release of the live-action remake of <i>The
Little Mermaid</i>, Disney will almost assuredly see its last billion-dollar
box office remake of a beloved classic. Like <i>The Lion King</i>, <i>Aladdin</i>,
and <i>Beauty and the Beast</i> before it, <i>The Little Mermaid</i> will
benefit from my generation reminiscing about the good ol’ late 1980s and early
1990s. Among the many things we remember as children during that time was enjoying
the animated film renaissance that began with <i>The Little Mermaid</i> in 1989.
No price is too high to pay to try to recapture that feeling.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">In terms of Disney animated movies people will pay to see
remade, those four are gimmes while the rest are a coin flip, if not a straight
*raspberry noise.* Remakes of <i>Alice in Wonderland</i> and <i>The Jungle Book</i>
wound up around $1 billion at the box office and it goes downhill fast after
that. Think I’m exaggerating? Name the Disney animated feature that was released
immediately prior to the original <i>The Little Mermaid</i>. Or immediately
after the original <i>The Lion King</i>, for that matter. Exactly. My cousin
remembers <i>Oliver & Company</i> in 1988 and few remember <i>Pocahontas</i>
in 1995. And none of them want to see a live-action remake of either of them. The
upcoming <i>Snow White & the Seven Dwarves</i> has a chance, but I’ll take
the under.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXXaetBGq-ZD4q5j20WPemRj-HjqJM9OyYihnz7Ueg6f5-_cencjsxvs-J8e67n9cnrGapxHonjKmRlhz-r-9Xs6xA6QEpM97zqb83CGAwd0IaJWCQfdg2ueM7mvP62KO7OnQmXUeUj5JD8m-Gma7HxUoqajLRUAxTLEQUuL3DyEH-p5zveTivMmfW/s1601/The%20Little%20Mermaid%20(2023)%204.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="673" data-original-width="1601" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXXaetBGq-ZD4q5j20WPemRj-HjqJM9OyYihnz7Ueg6f5-_cencjsxvs-J8e67n9cnrGapxHonjKmRlhz-r-9Xs6xA6QEpM97zqb83CGAwd0IaJWCQfdg2ueM7mvP62KO7OnQmXUeUj5JD8m-Gma7HxUoqajLRUAxTLEQUuL3DyEH-p5zveTivMmfW/s320/The%20Little%20Mermaid%20(2023)%204.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Because Disney wanted to make sure they got every last
dollar out of our nostalgia with zero risk, <i>Aladdin</i>, <i>Beauty and the
Beast</i>, and <i>The Lion King</i> were near carbon copies of the originals.
Wouldn’t want to offend our inner children, right? <i>The Little Mermaid</i> is
no different. There are slight tweaks to a few of the familiar scenes, as well
as a couple new scenes featuring new songs (from Lin-Manuel Miranda and Alan
Menken). And much to our chagrin, they cut out the scene where Chef Louis tries
to cook Sebastian while singing “Les Poissons.” But the rest of the film is
exactly how we remember it.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">As with the other three “big four” movies, <i>The Little
Mermaid</i> suffers from not being animated, losing much of the charm from the
original. It’s weird to say that about a movie that is stuffed full of CGI, but
here we are. It’s not that they couldn’t have recaptured it, but one reason they
don’t is that they keep making the same bad decision to make the animals look
as real as possible. In the animated versions, all of the creatures are drawn
with human characteristics - eyebrows and human mouths, for example - in order
for them to be more expressive.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTco_AnQOWOykEyOrQJkZNE5cPhNu0DEgafLZ8FpYKsOyeUafk-1jzoisW_tt0AUhkbm64XHg8_jQUIkc3Vte04xLBHD8FmJj5DFIY0678FutD1SHHBQ58X0n4jWTfSRj0S14dIB831wFrt2jX9quYCnmD1qaJ1uuGhaLa69IXNjRG6XdMWAaHWxhm/s1602/The%20Little%20Mermaid%20(2023)%201.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="785" data-original-width="1602" height="157" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTco_AnQOWOykEyOrQJkZNE5cPhNu0DEgafLZ8FpYKsOyeUafk-1jzoisW_tt0AUhkbm64XHg8_jQUIkc3Vte04xLBHD8FmJj5DFIY0678FutD1SHHBQ58X0n4jWTfSRj0S14dIB831wFrt2jX9quYCnmD1qaJ1uuGhaLa69IXNjRG6XdMWAaHWxhm/s320/The%20Little%20Mermaid%20(2023)%201.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Take Flounder for example. We don’t have to hear what
cartoon Flounder is saying to know whether he is happy, sad, scared, or
determined. It’s right there on his face. Conversely, CGI Flounder is an
expressionless fish who emotes exclusively through dialogue. When we describe
an actor as wooden, CGI Flounder epitomizes that description. To be fair,
Scuttle (the seagull) and Sebastian (the crab) come off a lot better than
Flounder does. But, Scuttle and Sebastian have the advantage of jointed limbs
and charismatic actors voicing them (Awkwafina and Daveed Diggs, respectively)
to cover for the lack of human facial traits. Sebastian also has cartoonish
eyes that provide a bit of additional expression, which proves that the other characters
could also have been embellished with CGI.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">On the human side, Javier Bardem’s King Triton is about
as wooden as they come. Sure, Bardem looks like he’s expressing the same
emotions we saw 1989 Triton exhibit, but he’s not convincing at all. Look no
further than the scene where Triton destroys Ariel’s treasure room. We’re
supposed to believe he’s in a rage, but that’s just the laser-shooting trident
talking. Triton seems mostly just annoyed in the same way I am when my son
won’t put down his iPad and clean up his dishes. Maybe if I had a magic
trident...</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaRVKlgldFUge_p3afIyMzsO65akWHGbiE3GSiG_NR4--crv2PIfSKnSctp2bWEPrrmn24jSOLbC-4MXduUrV95OUqEGyTAKM90XuOhYaii6x69dOMClKKtyjR54dgBVuyLW6fK9J9tiaKUJwh8ixYGw4eBZ_7lpH8gcGcnOCXHYXiOqF2f9E9Yvyn/s1605/The%20Little%20Mermaid%20(2023)%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="672" data-original-width="1605" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaRVKlgldFUge_p3afIyMzsO65akWHGbiE3GSiG_NR4--crv2PIfSKnSctp2bWEPrrmn24jSOLbC-4MXduUrV95OUqEGyTAKM90XuOhYaii6x69dOMClKKtyjR54dgBVuyLW6fK9J9tiaKUJwh8ixYGw4eBZ_7lpH8gcGcnOCXHYXiOqF2f9E9Yvyn/s320/The%20Little%20Mermaid%20(2023)%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">The other three main actors gave solid performance,
though again, nothing that really stands out. If anything, they seem to be
doing everything in their power to mimic their predecessors. Halle Bailey
(Ariel) has a gorgeous singing voice and sounds very much like a
sixteen-year-old girl. Jonah Hauer-King (Prince Eric) looks like what a CGI
version of animated Prince Eric would look like, while delivering perhaps the
sincerest performance of anyone in the film. Finally, we have Melissa McCarthy
delivering an Ursula that is such a spot-on impression of Pat Carroll (the
original voice of Ursula) that I’d believe McCarthy literally has the soul of
Carroll possessing her.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">When it comes to remakes, <i>The Little Mermaid</i> is
among the better remakes, though it’s also among the less interesting. The CGI
effects and scenery are breathtakingly gorgeous, especially the aesthetics of
the mer-people. The story and its beats are identical to the original, which is
good for those who’ve never seen the original and comforting at best for those
who have. You’ll find yourself happily singing along with the old songs, but
instantly forgetting all but one of the new songs (“The Scuttlebutt” sung by
Diggs and Awkwafina). And there is somehow fifty-three more minutes of new
movie that adds absolutely nothing to the story, not even a subplot. All of
that put together leaves your nostalgia intact unless you really, really miss
hearing “Les Poissons.”</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Rating: Don’t ask for any money back because you knew
Disney would play this one straight.<o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-52466142295780835152023-05-05T20:24:00.001-06:002023-05-05T20:24:15.444-06:00“Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3” - Come and get your love.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNpxAV2vev5f0kaXbVAotfww-H_jUbSGvE6kWVitHNtHjCuQC0bD0Th3TtLV-qj1l-6BXN8ONoJV66nvEERydOpg6yao-ViNBFG7mq-iFnuO9fOdmJAxBSnaMHS7_bzDtp1He-vbdQBNOqBpr1mqIJnUoS3KLglqTAGPP4BTzQFS6_BsxE0RYlGZeZ/s2500/GOTGv3_Payoff_1-Sht_Digital_v5_Lg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2500" data-original-width="1688" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNpxAV2vev5f0kaXbVAotfww-H_jUbSGvE6kWVitHNtHjCuQC0bD0Th3TtLV-qj1l-6BXN8ONoJV66nvEERydOpg6yao-ViNBFG7mq-iFnuO9fOdmJAxBSnaMHS7_bzDtp1He-vbdQBNOqBpr1mqIJnUoS3KLglqTAGPP4BTzQFS6_BsxE0RYlGZeZ/s320/GOTGv3_Payoff_1-Sht_Digital_v5_Lg.jpg" width="216" /></a></div>Audiences seem genuinely confused by the current slate of
MCU offerings and what to expect going forward. <span class="MsoHyperlink"><i><a href="https://number9moviereviews.blogspot.com/2022/05/doctor-strange-in-multiverse-of-madness.html">Doctor
Strange in the Multiverse of Madness</a></i></span> and <i>Black Panther:
Wakanda Forever</i> were both quite good. But <i>Ant-Man and the Wasp:
Quantumania</i> was only okay, <i>Ms. Marvel</i> was a waste of time, <i>She-Hulk:
Attorney at Law</i> did not stick its landing, <i>Thor: Love and Thunder</i>
was far worse the second time I watched it, and all of us are still trying to
get the <i>Eternals</i> stink out of our clothes. And I’m still not sure how I
feel about the <i>Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special</i>. It would be an
understatement to say I was nervous going into <i>Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3</i>.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Vol. 3</i> returns us to Knowhere, where Star-Lord
(Chris Pratt) has disappeared into a bottle, still completely shattered from
losing Gamora (Zoe Saldana) twice. Wisely, this is not the main plot of the
film, but a supporting subplot. <i>Vol. 3</i> is about Rocket (voiced by
Bradley Cooper). More specifically, it’s about what Rocket means to the
dysfunctional family that is the Guardians of the Galaxy. While going about his
business, Rocket is attacked by Adam Warlock (Will Poulter). Who is that, you
ask? Do you remember those gold painted people from <i>Guardians of the Galaxy
Vol. 2</i>? Kind of; not really? Me too. Adam is one of them.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilvpyEcJ0HlxW7iyyKxcPK5iuYuoWs0AOznb7loF0BIZ9yx-kfN-Ag_11fOqSYnrVqrb464aEiFkb6-X0kUrSN0xNgjkZElhsk7xdGMK5U9QIrU4SdGEshntdyTnwHTAWVhrDEGdOBi7xXWSZvx2qEzT5KIWZuURiNd-naSjVsWbHCbQC35ID2zPz7/s6000/HCM-47901_R.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4000" data-original-width="6000" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilvpyEcJ0HlxW7iyyKxcPK5iuYuoWs0AOznb7loF0BIZ9yx-kfN-Ag_11fOqSYnrVqrb464aEiFkb6-X0kUrSN0xNgjkZElhsk7xdGMK5U9QIrU4SdGEshntdyTnwHTAWVhrDEGdOBi7xXWSZvx2qEzT5KIWZuURiNd-naSjVsWbHCbQC35ID2zPz7/s320/HCM-47901_R.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">After grievously injuring Rocket, Warlock is chased away
by the rest of the Guardians. While trying to save Rocket, Nebula (Karen
Gillan) informs them that Rocket has a self-destruct program hidden in his
implants’ software. In order to save Rocket, they have forty-eight hours to get
the code to deactivate the self-destruct. Who has the code, you ask? The guy
who created the gold painted people, a scientist/megalomaniac called the High
Evolutionary (Chukwudi Iwuji).</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The High Evolutionary has a singular goal - to create the
perfect society. To achieve this, he has performed countless experiments on
living beings, created and destroyed entire civilizations, and developed
cybernetic enhancements to exponentially increase the intelligence of certain
beings. Like Raccoons. I told you - this movie is about Rocket.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">What makes <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Vol. 3</i>
really good is how it makes a prequel without making a prequel. Rather than
just making a straight prequel like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Solo</i>
or the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Star Wars</i> prequel trilogy or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">X-Men Origins: Wolverine</i>, it tells us
Rocket’s origin story while showing us the Guardians quest to save Rocket’s
life. It’s like a really long episode of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lost</i>,
but you aren’t confused and dissatisfied at the end.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpQNZGPNQsFFdSGesZ6Ew_fttC3FMlbpv8Pif-aqmUiXFWssXEb98CI8PS7WwmUlw29sTc642uzkLO5HT1UHtURzwHRSFiKE6PvPC1sJOOdKP19op2E5RJ_cSVVWRZ3uy1p5qvNNuLTf9O1FjC7hh64nXlBfwBhwGxjssH6E-CwpIMkBYn8fLokdl3/s4096/FBN0010_comp_FRA_v0324.1109_R.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1716" data-original-width="4096" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpQNZGPNQsFFdSGesZ6Ew_fttC3FMlbpv8Pif-aqmUiXFWssXEb98CI8PS7WwmUlw29sTc642uzkLO5HT1UHtURzwHRSFiKE6PvPC1sJOOdKP19op2E5RJ_cSVVWRZ3uy1p5qvNNuLTf9O1FjC7hh64nXlBfwBhwGxjssH6E-CwpIMkBYn8fLokdl3/s320/FBN0010_comp_FRA_v0324.1109_R.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">The origin story also works to flesh out the villain, the
High Evolutionary, one of the better villains of the MCU. Unlike many MCU villains,
there isn’t a single moment where you sympathize with him. He is cold,
methodical, and calculated, yet prone to wild outbursts like a drug addict
going through withdrawals. Early in the flashbacks, we meet three other
augmented animals locked in cages with Rocket. Physically, they look like
creatures from our nightmares. But as we get to know them through successive
flashbacks, we become every bit as emotionally attached to them as does Rocket.
We also come to loathe the High Evolutionary and dread where these flashbacks
appear to be heading. It’s a great bit of storytelling and filmmaking, deftly
building the suspense in both Rocket’s past and his present.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">By the time Rocket’s past and present come to their
respective climaxes, it becomes apparent that the shared theme of the film, if
not the entire Guardians trilogy, is love. Past Rocket is willing to do
anything for his friends, just as Current Rocket’s friends are willing to do
anything for him. This bond also helps bring Star-Lord’s subplot to a
satisfying conclusion, as he must come to terms with the Gamora from a
different timeline who never knew Star-Lord prior to the final battle in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Endgame</i>. Regardless of how the various
stories conclude, you will be shedding a tear or ten.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoSgzGhhib0YG62MnsiRYqugsvke62_vtgtma72VrfPx1EWWr2qSqB9G01bz2Dz5sUjdaj3gEhijllNNWYYtPWcoT53mZCe2SVGvYhdKLLXrh9o2bVpCbdQnan3ORnjO5j63NC_wd6K2HA0cxg143Z43jUxnU_XnV5aZudYie516_tQLM2BOY8vN_j/s4096/KWC7000_TRL_comp_FRM_v0177.1079_R.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1716" data-original-width="4096" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoSgzGhhib0YG62MnsiRYqugsvke62_vtgtma72VrfPx1EWWr2qSqB9G01bz2Dz5sUjdaj3gEhijllNNWYYtPWcoT53mZCe2SVGvYhdKLLXrh9o2bVpCbdQnan3ORnjO5j63NC_wd6K2HA0cxg143Z43jUxnU_XnV5aZudYie516_tQLM2BOY8vN_j/s320/KWC7000_TRL_comp_FRM_v0177.1079_R.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">While the film is very good in several ways, it does drop
the ball a couple of times. For some reason, the visual look of Groot (Vin
Diesel) has gone very backward despite the rest of the film looking gorgeous.
While the detail of Rocket and his past companions, especially Lylla the otter
(Linda Cardellini), is strikingly real, Groot looks like someone wearing a
cheap, padded Groot costume from a Spirit Halloween store. Then there is
Star-Lord’s famous helmet, which is inexplicably missing in the entire film. But
perhaps the most egregious flaw is the inconsistency of the music. Like the previous
installments, the music is very noticeable, but often doesn’t fit the scene or
moment. More than once, a song just kicks in seemingly at random, as if someone
accidentally hit the play button during post-production and was too tired to
edit it back out.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Luckily, the flaws were small and many of the things
plaguing the recent subpar films and series were absent from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Vol. 3</i>. Most notably, the balance
between seriousness and humor was restored, the film not leaning so hard into
the silliness of Drax (Dave Baustista) and Mantis (Pom Klementieff) or the
seriousness of Gamora and Nebula. It’s just the right amount of a bunch of
emotions, working together rather than against each other, restoring our
confidence in what’s to come next in the MCU rather than having us wondering
what that smell still is.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Rating: Don’t ask
for any money back, but maybe for a tissue.<o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-68750633894794809802023-04-28T17:41:00.000-06:002023-04-28T17:41:43.150-06:00“Sisu” - Silence is golden.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd7eWgNOXQEJzTh2XBs0f32VzsA2L8JurMYVzzXOFZ_N1Ux_XWBp9otoIA-eS8fMRjg-ra5gVSDM_0zGYXLfGbna96-5TYvkl3a5-nl2IGLcR3pboUQVx9l6lOt5raSpi4pIecots0D1YX7sTDUOraFr0QU1usqlEkJ2GHZYMj9RosZnjpeY5AJvSG/s874/sisu%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="874" data-original-width="586" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd7eWgNOXQEJzTh2XBs0f32VzsA2L8JurMYVzzXOFZ_N1Ux_XWBp9otoIA-eS8fMRjg-ra5gVSDM_0zGYXLfGbna96-5TYvkl3a5-nl2IGLcR3pboUQVx9l6lOt5raSpi4pIecots0D1YX7sTDUOraFr0QU1usqlEkJ2GHZYMj9RosZnjpeY5AJvSG/s320/sisu%20poster.png" width="215" /></a></div>Aatami (Jorma Tommila), the main character in <i>Sisu</i>,
has two lines of dialogue in the film’s entire ninety-minute runtime. Both of
them occur at the film’s end and neither of them define the word sisu.
According to another character, Aino (Mimosa Willamo), sisu is a Finnish
concept that cannot be translated into English. Then, she promptly translates
it into English. She defines it as strength of will, determination,
perseverance, and acting rationally in the face of adversity, then concludes
that Aatami has sisu. Does he though? It’s hard to say.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">The film begins with shots of a desolate landscape, near
silence, and Aatami panning for gold. Spotting a tiny gold nugget, Aatami
starts digging holes to find the vein responsible for said nugget. More quiet ensues,
except the sound of Aatami’s pickaxe striking dirt, his dog occasionally
wandering through the shot. Covered in dirt and scars, we’re getting a visual
representation of sisu in Aatami’s quest to find gold. It’s a great way to
start a film...until you notice some jerk is talking over it, telling us things
about Aatami that an actual character is going to repeat later in the film.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKvg6F3VVT_q5aXrX_St_kfjF172RQvqRTVDCnoAyRwbJfviKON-K7e9LKqTZxO4bk9jNw0pL_MLP-ueY78CnCel9QtlElkpM8LtitcznaqlJqk_U9q7b0JGJvBZ19Ndi9lWcgXnanID6bcg8kwzkgS4-IDZu9AaX0XG1sDUzVfr05f18WDmM_JT6X/s1310/sisu%208.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="872" data-original-width="1310" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKvg6F3VVT_q5aXrX_St_kfjF172RQvqRTVDCnoAyRwbJfviKON-K7e9LKqTZxO4bk9jNw0pL_MLP-ueY78CnCel9QtlElkpM8LtitcznaqlJqk_U9q7b0JGJvBZ19Ndi9lWcgXnanID6bcg8kwzkgS4-IDZu9AaX0XG1sDUzVfr05f18WDmM_JT6X/s320/sisu%208.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">After the narration mercifully ends, the scene concludes
with Aatami striking gold, packing up his tent and horse, stuffing two
saddlebags with gold nuggets, and setting off to the nearest town for his
payday. While riding, he crosses paths with a Nazi platoon of about twenty men,
including the company’s commander, Bruno Helldorf (Aksel Hennie), riding a
tank. Yes, he’s sitting exactly like you think he is.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">It's a fairly tense moment, as we fully expect Helldorf
to stop Aatami, if not shoot him immediately. Instead, Helldorf does the
opposite, stopping his second-in-command, Wolf (Jack Doolan), from shooting
Aatami. Don’t worry, Helldorf isn’t the one Nazi with a heart of gold. As he
orders his squad onward, he tells Wolf Aatami is riding to his death anyway, knowing
his rearguard down the road will kill Aatami. It’s too bad Helldorf didn’t hear
the earlier narration or he would have known to kill Aatami on sight.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEdFZkjhq6-w-FdQADvc_-4FYPH9txFHrlIw42e3a6fKaWS4e0YduE4_cpOazBfpjPGkwRfDFRykQGLQaGmhWM0zTUjnavZj9nBB8SoomojWrHtmsNTE9nc6Gwg4qH5mkkm9yBHSrMon6CRKrbY73M1TFFxlaVeEIO5K1riwKII2tCHDs7UqUU_4Jx/s7295/sisu%201.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4866" data-original-width="7295" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEdFZkjhq6-w-FdQADvc_-4FYPH9txFHrlIw42e3a6fKaWS4e0YduE4_cpOazBfpjPGkwRfDFRykQGLQaGmhWM0zTUjnavZj9nBB8SoomojWrHtmsNTE9nc6Gwg4qH5mkkm9yBHSrMon6CRKrbY73M1TFFxlaVeEIO5K1riwKII2tCHDs7UqUU_4Jx/s320/sisu%201.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Aatami does indeed come across the rearguard and it is
here we find out what kind of movie <i>Sisu</i> is. After they rough Aatami up
and discover his bags of gold, Aatami clenches his fists, purses his lips, and
brutally kills them as they try to execute him. And nothing of these kills is
left to our imaginations. Bullets fly, skulls are impaled, blood sprays. It’s
that kind of movie, no more no less.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Unfortunately for Aatami, Helldorf’s superpower is
sensitive hearing. Implausibly, Helldorf hears the distant gunshots over the
sound of the tank he is sitting on and orders the platoon to about face and
investigate. They arrive at the scene to find the carnage, as well as a gold
nugget dropped during the fight. Helldorf orders them to chase down Aatami,
leading to one of the top three grossest moments in the film. I won’t spoil it
for you, but consider this your warning if you have a weak stomach.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvgjevr0Yz34-vswqL_0yzhmw2rTvt96Yl6qg3UG81J7JdERS-52YncGXY3Yvd3IxXW3m82tYsa3zgfZEVsBrVja2MpVTtkHGAoiCd6D_aHOhA8J9x-3tbSlkKjkhFAqty5jD_vAZdOg66vUIhAEYbYQmYVbKDYS9akqfS-KGYQe4_YI1A9Yl7fiuR/s1312/sisu%203.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="869" data-original-width="1312" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvgjevr0Yz34-vswqL_0yzhmw2rTvt96Yl6qg3UG81J7JdERS-52YncGXY3Yvd3IxXW3m82tYsa3zgfZEVsBrVja2MpVTtkHGAoiCd6D_aHOhA8J9x-3tbSlkKjkhFAqty5jD_vAZdOg66vUIhAEYbYQmYVbKDYS9akqfS-KGYQe4_YI1A9Yl7fiuR/s320/sisu%203.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">The platoon arrives to find Aatami in the middle of a
minefield, scrambling to pick up his scattered gold nuggets after a mine
exploded. Helldorf again stops his men from shooting Aatami, quizzically
watching Aatami and the surprising amount of gold. I don’t blame Helldorf -
it’s a sight that defies rationality. After Aatami finishes repacking the gold
and stands to face the Nazis, Helldorf orders the platoon to ready, aim,
fi...mine explodes, cloud of dust. Another action scene unfolds featuring some
novelty deaths. In case the first gratuitous action scene didn’t get the film’s
point across, this scene bangs it home.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Sisu</i> is a graphically violent action movie that
makes the case that screenwriting is more of a suggestion than a necessity. The
villains are literal Nazis, so the rest of the barely one-dimensional
characters are enough for us to decide who to root for. It features a grab bag
of conveniences and implausibilities that keep Aatami alive - some bordering on
the laughably absurd. And audience members did laugh. The aforementioned
opening narration is rendered redundant when Wolf relays Aatami’s history to
Helldorf and the entire audience (augmented further by Aino in a later scene).
It even includes standard action cliches like bad guys with terrible aim and
the hero literally walking off bullet wounds to the leg and stitching himself
up after removing shrapnel from himself. Throw in a bullwhip and fedora and
it’s the rated-R Indiana Jones movie we’d all die to see.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXNHiU79Ob7PWMPy-S_dM9jjiSueqHUzz5tTW3W5ppDg0rdO6HnwNubOxdAFjuulkglriomCIwS0UEfLnfP5FNpRRv1NblewL8b8h6Pocmzo1Jv9-_KoJdOleYLngJUbo8PZS02jYruReh7iv5zpg_jebElVZ4NJy7bnBj0NKFUcRj0Njrf12sNzga/s1313/sisu%202.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="873" data-original-width="1313" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXNHiU79Ob7PWMPy-S_dM9jjiSueqHUzz5tTW3W5ppDg0rdO6HnwNubOxdAFjuulkglriomCIwS0UEfLnfP5FNpRRv1NblewL8b8h6Pocmzo1Jv9-_KoJdOleYLngJUbo8PZS02jYruReh7iv5zpg_jebElVZ4NJy7bnBj0NKFUcRj0Njrf12sNzga/s320/sisu%202.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">When the dust finally settled, I can say with certainty
that Aatami does not have sisu. I can see Aino’s point with the first three
parts of the definition of sisu. Aatami is the most persistent and determined
human this side of John Wick, willing himself through multiple apparent deaths
like a terminator. But he certainly isn’t rational. Aatami spends much of the
film clinging to bags of gold while Nazis hunt him for it, then chases after
them when they take it from him. He could have avoided the entire confrontation
if he had simply ridden his horse off the road and avoided the Nazis. If by
rational Aino meant pathologically stubborn, I think Aatami would agree.
Silently, of course.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Rating: Ask for two dollars back and you can quote me.<o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514425169020168406.post-41562292917587096222023-04-21T21:22:00.000-06:002023-04-21T21:22:55.291-06:00“Quasi” - Who wants a hunchback ride?<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_omC6AyK_0XumRWFPbAJu5aAuRKzDq3crQZL3wTaiWHHMKV-IntNvJah9ZBdLwepN4DLYgXvW-Si8wwVwiPLf3p4rRQTfKHgY7Fw9E0lbma7DKHOwgtBc_1M00MsfFZ3_bvhbVpR_Qixr-C63i6AT-Pw0rd9Gj3SOiTP9-PyeyfnH2JI1EwBOUCnO/s873/quasi%20poster.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="873" data-original-width="588" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_omC6AyK_0XumRWFPbAJu5aAuRKzDq3crQZL3wTaiWHHMKV-IntNvJah9ZBdLwepN4DLYgXvW-Si8wwVwiPLf3p4rRQTfKHgY7Fw9E0lbma7DKHOwgtBc_1M00MsfFZ3_bvhbVpR_Qixr-C63i6AT-Pw0rd9Gj3SOiTP9-PyeyfnH2JI1EwBOUCnO/s320/quasi%20poster.png" width="216" /></a></div>Comedy troupe Broken Lizard has been trying to recapture
the magic of their one legitimate hit - <i>Super Troopers</i> - for twenty-two
years and five movies. Hoping the sixth time is a charm, they bring us <i>Quasi</i>.
As in Quasimodo, the hunchback of Notre Dame. And they bring it to us via Hulu.
That’s just about the funniest thing associated with <i>Quasi</i>.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">There is probably comedy to be found in a parody of <i>The
Hunchback of Notre Dame</i>, but Broken Lizard chose to go a different route. <i>Quasi</i>
shares just three things in common with <i>Hunchback</i> - the main character,
it takes place in France, and is not funny. There is no Notre Dame, no Romani
dancer, and no evil Archdeacon. Based on the story that unfolds in <i>Quasi</i>,
it’s clear that none of Broken Lizard’s members have ever read <i>Hunchback</i>
or seen the animated Disney film of the same name. It’s very possible none of
them even finished reading the title – they just stopped at Hunchback and
giggled.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">In this telling, Quasi (Steve Lemme) and his buddy (Kevin
Heffernan) work at the local torture chamber. Quasi is responsible for
inventing the rack (explained as a failed attempt at fixing his hunchback) and
spends his days collecting data for his machine. Quasi regularly tortures
another employee (Erik Stolhanske) whose job is to be tortured. That employee
is also short and a very good cook and you can already see how much work wasn’t
put into writing clever or witty jokes.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQQlzXxupX7SbrLN-qlgqbKFWV1aRSyF0WJUBEK7eXpSWhxo2UvdlisHSUxkm4rKR5-IvtNm0_k5tYQ_kcmjFg3UJjrOs-UasEJHYF6cjZnIDOcjsoW3O3o6PeThnFs20aC-g-yoUrHGjWJWZgOF4cIWQ08OTrWfz5vseJmE6Uy6uVa7Gq0IXE361D/s1308/quasi%204.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="873" data-original-width="1308" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQQlzXxupX7SbrLN-qlgqbKFWV1aRSyF0WJUBEK7eXpSWhxo2UvdlisHSUxkm4rKR5-IvtNm0_k5tYQ_kcmjFg3UJjrOs-UasEJHYF6cjZnIDOcjsoW3O3o6PeThnFs20aC-g-yoUrHGjWJWZgOF4cIWQ08OTrWfz5vseJmE6Uy6uVa7Gq0IXE361D/s320/quasi%204.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Meanwhile, the King of France (Jay Chandrasekhar) has
announced a lottery where the winner gets to meet the pope (Paul Soter) and
have their confession heard by the pope. Quasi wins the lottery and the king
orders him to assassinate the pope during confession. Simultaneously, the pope
orders Quasi to kill the king. The pope and the king are fighting over a
falling out that happened years earlier when they were together at university
and poor Quasi is stuck trying to figure out how to get out of his predicament.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Combined with a bunch of barely related subplots fighting
for screentime, the movie gets bogged down in a meandering screenplay,
culminating in all of the plotlines limping into each other in a half-assed and
predictable climax. Most of the subplots don’t really go anywhere, existing
mostly as a basis for half-formed jokes. Strangely, the character development
is solid, which makes the writing behind the plot and jokes that much more
frustrating. We know why characters are behaving certain ways, but we are never
given a reason to care about them. More importantly, we’re never given a reason
to laugh at them.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvcMUSRe8AP3fwZebJAvw7zmQkwFO0t9LSY7wCX9D9IaOATpYR2OmQdW9aZ3fgoZ1gFafSfVWbUyXyoyosFGBXTKzWqibHLIpHzUqdd6wNAQGXvRqRRPXfFAZRWMGwTTogf0Pm6gqPRvWa8bfasITyrReO9oHUzpTD0VpGdxY8Wr44V4U0-X9tPOYb/s1605/quasi%205.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="867" data-original-width="1605" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvcMUSRe8AP3fwZebJAvw7zmQkwFO0t9LSY7wCX9D9IaOATpYR2OmQdW9aZ3fgoZ1gFafSfVWbUyXyoyosFGBXTKzWqibHLIpHzUqdd6wNAQGXvRqRRPXfFAZRWMGwTTogf0Pm6gqPRvWa8bfasITyrReO9oHUzpTD0VpGdxY8Wr44V4U0-X9tPOYb/s320/quasi%205.png" width="320" /></a></div><p class="MsoNoSpacing">The comedy in <i>Quasi</i> fails primarily due to abandonment
of the source material. <i>Quasi</i> is clearly going for a Mel Brooks type of
film, vaguely resembling <i>Robin Hood: Men in Tights</i>. But without the
source material for reference, the jokes in <i>Quasi </i>all have to stand on
their own. One plotline features Quasi’s buddy being jealous of Quasi winning
the lottery, people ignoring the buddy to focus on Quasi, then the buddy
refusing to sell out Quasi while having his scrotum nailed to a stump. Another
has the queen (Adrianne Palicki) taking an interest in Quasi, eventually
turning romantic so she can awkwardly kiss his sideways mouth. Still another is
the tortured employee/chef who keeps making good food because, uh, French
people like food? There’s even a running theme about the common folk wanting to
eat oysters like the rich folk, yet not a single related joke about being
horny. These are the same guys that wrote a joke where a stoned kid licks the
dividing window of a police cruiser and states “the snozzberries taste like
snozzberries.”</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">After seven films and a television series (<i>Tacoma FD</i>),
Broken Lizard has shown themselves to be a one-hit wonder. Given how <i>Quasi</i>
played out, Broken Lizard probably came to the same conclusion when they were
informed <i>Quasi</i> would release exclusively on Hulu, merely going through
the motions of tired jokes, if not skipping the jokes altogether. While we’ll
always have that first moustache ride, <i>Quasi</i> is a ride you should skip.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Rating: Cancel your Hulu subscription until the third
season of <i>Only Murders in the Building</i> comes out.<o:p></o:p></b></p>Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00968599374745775550noreply@blogger.com0