“Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery” - Blanc. Benoit Blanc.

As we enter the homestretch of 2022, the never-ending debate over good sequels vs. bad sequels vs. Hollywood-has-no-creativity gets a new entry - Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery. I don’t know how people from that third group keeping getting into this debate, but we really need to change the locks. With those cranks out of the way, let’s figure out if Glass Onion is good, bad, or The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

The basic trick to making a good sequel is the same trick for making all good movies. Write a good story, dummy. It doesn’t matter if the sequel is a continuation of a previous film or a standalone franchise entry. Audiences want to revisit universes and characters that they enjoyed and are just looking for a good story to take them back again. In order to finish making a good sequel, the rest of the trick is a balancing act. Give the audience just enough of what made the previous film(s) so memorable, but not so much that the audience wants Ace Ventura to die a horrible death.

Glass Onion has one thing in common with Knives Out - master detective Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig). Okay, two things; the other being that Glass Onion is subtitled as A Knives Out Mystery. However, Glass Onion never so much as whispers about Blanc’s previous Knives Out case. The clever part of this is writer/director Rian Johnson wrote another mystery filled with backstabbing or the potential for backstabbing. If that is going to be the way of every Knives Out mystery, count me in.

This time, Blanc finds himself invited to an island owned by tech billionaire Miles Bron (Edward Norton). Bron is hosting a group of long-time friends for the weekend to solve an elaborate murder mystery game. Upon the group’s arrival at the island, Bron is surprised and confused to meet Blanc among the group since Bron didn’t actually invite Blanc. Also confused, Blanc explains that he received an invite to the island and shows it as proof. Bron surmises that one of the guests regifted their invitation to Blanc. Later, one of these guests ends up dead and now there are two mysteries to solve. Who killed the friend and who wanted Blanc there in the first place? And why? Like the Thrombey family in Knives Out, everyone on the island wants something from Bron, giving us and Blanc plenty of suspects.

The group is comprised of Claire (Kathryn Hahn), Lionel (Leslie Odom Jr.), Birdie (Kate Hudson), Peg (Jessica Henwick), Duke (Dave Bautista), Whisky (Madelyn Cline), and Cassandra (Janelle Monae). In addition to their relationships with Bron, these people all have histories and relationships with one or more of the rest of the group. As Blanc starts to peel back the layers and more is revealed about the cast of characters, we are drawn further and further into the mystery, trying to deduce who the killer is before Blanc can enlighten us. Johnson weaves such a well-crafted story that, in at least one point during the movie, we believe each character is either the murderer, the one who summoned Blanc, or both.

By this point in the film, Johnson has succeeded with the basic trick of writing a good story and is off and running with the balancing act. One of the best aspects of Knives Out was the playful, yet serious tone. That same tone is present in Glass Onion, but with the ratio pushed a little more towards the playful side. Much of this has to do with Craig clearly enjoying portraying a character without a license to kill, but also because the film doesn’t start with cops investigating a suicide. Rather, it starts with a group of friends on a zoom call, a la 2020, playing Among Us online. What could be more playful than that?

Also carried over are the structure and excellent flow of the first film. The film begins linearly, introducing us to the various characters, setting up the situation until we get to the murder, then twisting and turning us back through previous events for discovery, while continuing to move us forward toward the answer to the mysteries. Wisely, Johnson resists reusing jokes, specific motivations, and signature character traits (besides Blanc’s), all of which would have cheapened the film.

Most importantly, the tone and flow don’t work without good performances. Every actor, down to the myriad cameos peppered throughout, gives their all to ensure Glass Onion is every bit as enjoyable as its predecessor. Standing out are Monae and Norton, especially when they are together. Cassandra’s loathing of Bron is as palpable as Bron’s smarm, both actors feeding off each other in ways that directors only dream of. And of course, Craig is as charming as ever, playing the “Kentucky-fried” detective to perfection to both disarm and outwit his adversaries with his Southern affectations.

It was very refreshing to see a sequel live up to its highly regarded brethren. By the end of the film, all of the loose ends are tied up, the mystery is solved, and we aren’t left hanging to wait for another film to continue the story. The best part is that the film is so enjoyable that the sadness we felt at Craig hanging up his Bond tuxedo has been replaced by elation at him donning a Southern accent.

Rating: Don’t ask for any money back, but do ask when the next sequel is coming.

 

 

“No Time to Die” - The end of an era.

It has been six long, long years since the last James Bond film (Spectre) graced us with its presence. In fact, those years were so long that I forgot that I created a review format for James Bond films. This is a pleasant surprise for me because I was struggling with how I was going to talk about the newest Bond flick, No Time to Die. I also forgot how Spectre had really fallen back into the very standard formula for Bond movies. You know, the one that Austin Powers (among others) makes fun of.

The trick is going to be avoiding spoilers because I think you should see No Time to Die and I really want to talk about it. A friend asked me what I thought of the movie and when I started to talk about my one real criticism, in very general terms mind you, he said all he wanted to know was if I thought it was good or not because he didn’t want the movie spoiled. While that is fair, that isn’t what he asked me and, maybe don’t ask a film critic their opinion of a movie if all you want to know is thumbs up or thumbs down. Plus, the things in a movie that cause my thumb to point in a certain direction are probably wildly different than most people. I mean, I hated John Wick for many of the reasons people liked it. In fact, you probably shouldn’t ask anything at all if you are worried about someone else’s opinion coloring your idea of the movie before you see it. In other words, run away from this review until you’ve seen the movie.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s talk No Time to Die, with just a dash of MILD SPOILERS. Leave now or forever hold your peace.

Opening Song

After the ghastly opening number of Spectre, Billie Eilish gives us “No Time to Die,” a haunting song in the vein of Adele’s “Skyfall” that foreshadows the general mood of the movie. Considering this is definitely, I promise, we swear this time, Daniel Craig’s last turn as James Bond, it’s a very good song for Craig’s, er, swan song.

Gadgets

The nanobots are back to monitor James’ vital signs, as well as of the new double-O agent we meet, Nomi (Lashana Lynch). Tell me again - why do we need to monitor their vital signs? It’s not like there is a medivac team hovering over the mission site, just in case one of them needs a de-fib. There isn’t a circling drone loaded with a pharmacy of poison antidotes that’s going to swoop in and fire syringes into their necks. Even from a movie perspective, it doesn’t add drama since we are literally watching Bond and Nomi fight their way through bad guys. Even Q (Ben Whishaw) isn’t paying attention to the vital signs since he is busy working other tech parts of the job during the big mission.

Bond also gets a new watch because his watch in Spectre was a bomb. This time, his watch can emit an Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP), which can knock out electronics. The idea that a tiny little watch can emit an EMP is hilarious, but we’ll accept it in a James Bond film, as long as they stop talking after saying “the watch has an EMP.” No, seriously Q, stop talking. Stop telling us its range. No, don’t tell us it only works on hard-wired electronics. Oh, for fuck’s sake, now I’m going to notice how it contradicts exactly those things when Bond decides to use it. Also, why didn’t Nomi get a cool watch?

Bond Car

Unless you are very much a gearhead, there are only two cars that will stand out. The first is the Aston Martin DB5, a car we saw in Spectre and six other Bond flicks, including the first Bond movie, Goldfinger. And yes, it has all the silly gadgets from those films as well. Smoke, exploding spike balls, miniguns in the headlights, bulletproof glass, the ability to spin in a circle without going anywhere. It’s a pretty car, but I would have much preferred Nomi’s Aston Martin DBS Superleggera being the featured car.

Speaking of aesthetics, they also decided to dust off the hideous Aston Martin Vantage from 1977’s The Living Daylights (featuring Timothy Dalton) as the second featured Bond car. To me, muscle cars are ugly monstrosities that scream “I’m compensating for something.” The Vantage looks like a Mustang ate an Aston Martin because it ran out of Viagra. I don’t know how the Vantage found it’s way back into the franchise, but it should have stayed in the museum of misfit cars where it belongs.

Bond Girls

Cars aren’t the only thing recycled in No Time to Die. The memory of Vesper Lynd makes a return and Bond’s new love (also returning from the previous film), Madeleine Swann (Lea Seydoux), insists he makes his peace with Vesper’s death if he and Madeleine are to remain a couple. This being a Bond film, their relationship doesn’t make it out of the opening scene intact due to bullets flying, cars racing around, and Bond believing Madeleine betrayed him to Spectre.

The new Bond girl in this film is Paloma (Ana de Armas), a CIA agent working with Felix Leiter (Jeffrey Wright). Except, she turns out not to be a true Bond girl since she never gets naked with him. Her task is to escort Bond into a high-class party to find and secure a missing scientist (David Dencik). In what is the best scene in the film, the two of them are dressed to the nines, two criminally gorgeous people clearly at ease with each other. Paloma is practically giddy with excitement, as she is a newly minted agent, and clearly enjoying herself on the mission. Then, the action starts and the two perform in the best action sequence of the film. It’s a scene that stands out for the quality of its components while not ending in the cliched Bond conquest of other films, including the quick death of said female conquest. While we all debate and guess at who will play the next James Bond, I would love to see de Armas succeed Felix as the next CIA buddy.

Henchmen

Spectre brought back the head henchman cliche in Dave Bautista, but didn’t give him a gimmick. This time, we get the whole package in Primo (Dali Benssalah). He’s lethal, he barely speaks, and he has a bionic eye. The eye doesn’t appear to be useful to Primo in any way, but does appear to be useful to his master. On the plus side, it’s not a goofy razor hat, but on the negative side, it should have been a goofy bionic eye.

Villain

The new villain is my one real criticism of the movie. He is a very generic villain whose presence is almost an afterthought to the plot. The plot itself seems to be more about wrapping up any and all loose ends that may still be dangling, stretching back to Casino Royale, than whatever the new villain is up to. Why am I still referring to him as the new villain instead of by name? Because his name is never enunciated enough for me to understand it and I had to Google it to learn that it’s Lyutsifer Safin (Rami Malek). Even the story of how his face became disfigured was lost upon me because it was so boring and doesn’t matter to the plot. But the main way you know Safin wasn’t a good villain is because Spectre’s villain, Blofeld (Christoph Waltz), is featured in just one single scene and it completely overshadows all of Safin’s scenes combined. It’s a shame because I was really looking forward to seeing Malek give us a memorable villain.

The Death Ray

Nanobots. No, not the vital sign monitoring nanobots. These other nanobots are spread like the plague and target people based on pre-programmed DNA and also DNA that is similar, but not too similar. Don’t ask. And they can never be destroyed. In the wrong hands, it’s the end of the world, but that seems to be Safin’s objective only after his other objectives have run their course. It’s like he does it out of inertia rather than desire. And, the nanobots are originally created by MI6. What would a spy movie be without government secrets? At least it’s not an actual death ray.

The Lair

Another deserted island housing an abandoned military installation, complete with missile silos and blast doors. The Safin family had converted it into their evil lair and Lyutsifer now runs it. The main features are a poison garden and pools filled with acid and dozens of peons stirring the acid while standing in the acid. I mean, I think it was acid. A bad guy melts in it when he falls in during the climax. But it has no purpose other than to be an obstacle, which means the acid is also just the Chompers.

Political Content

If this movie hadn’t been slated for release pre-Covid pandemic, I’d say it was the idea of government scientists genetically modifying diseases in labs. Not that movies haven’t used this plot before in many various forms, be it diseases or technology or weapons, all in the name of protecting the country and/or the world. It’s pretty standard for political thrillers and spy movies. Hell, it’s the plot of Avengers: Age of Ultron and Captain America: The Winter Soldier. There is also the idea that science playing God will be the end of us all. We see this scare the shit out of easily frightened people every couple of years, whether it’s cloning, stem cells, artificial intelligence, condoms, evolution, gravity, vaccines, heliocentrism, and the wheel. This time it’s nanotechnology. Next time it’ll be voting machines.

If you have more questions than “good or bad,” the next question from people is where does No Time to Die rank against the other Daniel Craig films? The answer is below Casino Royale. I’ve enjoyed all five of Craig’s Bond films, but Casino Royale is easily the best. After that, throw a dart. The other four are all very entertaining and feature good components, as well as their flaws and cliches. No Time to Die isn’t particularly memorable compared to the rest, just like the rest aren’t particularly memorable. That in itself is a little disappointing since it would have been nice for Craig’s last Bond film to be as amazing as his first. I mean, thumbs up...mostly.

Rating: Ask for two dollars back because Bond villains should be worth the price of admission.